


Just Go With It

by Twice_as_Shiny



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Frerard, M/M, bp gerard, nurse frank
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-04-20
Updated: 2020-04-20
Packaged: 2021-03-01 17:34:07
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 16
Words: 53,164
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23760901
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Twice_as_Shiny/pseuds/Twice_as_Shiny
Relationships: Frank Iero/ Gerard Way, Mikey/Kristin
Comments: 28
Kudos: 39





	1. Chapter 1

They all smelled the same. No matter what city or what state they were in, every single hospital smelled the exact same. The smell of powerful cleansing chemicals trying, and failing miserably, to mask the aroma of the half-assed cooked food from the cafeteria and the ever so pleasant smell of decay and rotting body fluids wafting down from the floors above. A smell that he wished he had never grown familiar with. Even when he wasn’t in a hospital, he occasionally would get hit with a pungent reminder of it all and immediately feel like he needed to take a shower, as if it had somehow found a way to cling to his skin and hair. God, he hated hospitals. If it weren’t for the call from his frantic mother in the early hours of the morning informing him that his brother had another syncope spell, this time while driving his car, _c hrist_, then he for sure wouldn’t be stepping foot in one now. In fact, he wouldn’t even be back in New Jersey. The warm comfort of his home back in Los Angeles flooded his memory. Felt like it had already been days since he had left his modest little house, when really it had only been a couple of hours. Still, he already missed his bed, missed his coffee maker, his comfy couch, his book shelf collection of his comics and even missed Mitch, the obnoxious stray cat that hung around his front porch on occasion. It had been the longest day he had experienced in a while. From being awoken just before 6:00AM by his mother screaming and crying in his ear about her “baby”, to the overly self-confident flight attendant consistently hitting on him for the duration of his roughly five and a half hour flight, to the aggressive taxi driver and the monotone hospital receptionist that reminded him a lot of the slug woman from Monsters Inc., he was simply done with this day and with people. All of them except for Mikey. There is no other person on this planet that he would force himself to go through all this trouble for other than him. Mikey had it rough, even from an early age. The poor guy just never seemed to catch a break. The countless tests he’d gone through, the different hospitals, the moments he had missed out on growing up and oh god, the amount of blood draws, which that would have been enough to just say “fuck it; if it’s my time, it’s my time” for Gerard. And still, Mikey went through it all like a champ. Holding the upmost respect and admiration for his medical teams and going through it all with a weird positive attitude that Gerard just couldn’t wrap his head around. He admired his younger brother, his ability to be so trusting and open to others, when your life depended on their competence. Literally.

He pulled out his cellphone and looked at the last text he got from his mother, “room 915”. His fingered lingered over the reply button before sighing and putting the phone back in his back pocket. He shifted his large olive green duffel bag from one shoulder to the other as he proceeded towards the elevator doors while doing a quick survey of the hospital’s entrance. Marbled floors, always marbled floors. What was the point of having a fancy floor? Do people at hospitals even care, in the grand scheme of things? It’s not like someone would be rushing to their dying loved one and stop and think “Wow. A marbled floor. They must really take great care of their patients.”? Most likely not. At least never in any of his experiences. Also, there’s almost always a catholic statue, or an obnoxiously large painting, of a saint paying tribute to the religious roots the hospital supposedly stemmed from. That always brought a little chuckle out of him. It was all bullshit. There was nothing “holy” about how hospitals operated, not now anyway. Those so called “roots” they flaunted had been severed off long ago. A façade of how much the higher ups care about their “patients” and “being there for their community” while simultaneously demanding their financial offices keep hounding for those late payments. He’s seen firsthand how threatening those letters can be. For some reason, his mother always made her worry for paying for Mikey’s healthcare part of Gerard’s concern, too. Even though he had been a child for majority of it as well.

Gerard couldn’t tell what was worse, the fancy décor, the so called righteous shrines, or the people. It had to be the people. People with washed out expressions on their faces, who seemed to be in a mindless rush flooded the lower level. Normal civilians in their day to day clothes mixed in with the hospital workers, all in different colored scrubs and lab coats of different lengths. He had gathered enough information from eaves dropping on passing hallway conversations in previous stays, to know that the longer the coat, the more important the person. Seemed like an overcompensation to him. Like dudes who put big tires on their trucks. Was it necessary to flaunt how far you’d come in life? Was the physician parking lot stacked with outrageously priced vehicles not enough that they also had to let their white coats signify their worth? It all just seemed meaningless.

The elevator doors finally screeched open pulling Gerard from his snappish observations. He stepped inside and pushed the “9” button and held his breath waiting for the doors to close, hoping for an uninterrupted elevator ride up to Mikey’s floor. Of course, luck just wasn’t on his side today. A pair of women in navy blue scrubs wearing backpacks and carrying water bottles,filed into the elevator, both offering a smile, which he returned politely. He wasn’t a complete asshole even when exhausted. One of them looked at the floor buttons and smiled to see the 9 already lit up.  
“Looks like we’re all headed to the same floor, should make for a short trip!” The blonde woman eagerly announced. Gerard could tell she was a nurse just by the way her body instinctively smiled while talking to a stranger and the weirdly high octave her voice carried over something as simple as a lit up button. 

“Looks like it.” Gerard replied. He sunk into the corner of the elevator hoping to signify the closing of his part of the conversation. He pulled out his phone again, opened the text messages and finally sent the response to his mom “ _I’m_ _here. Heading up._” 

As the elevator doors finally started to close, the brunette to the left of the blonde suddenly threw her arm out through the doors, triggering the sensors to open the doors back up. 

“Frankie! Frankie hurry up!” The brunette nurse yelled.

_ For fucks sake.  _

As if reading his mind, the nurse who yelled out the strangers name turned to him and mouthed a sheepish “sorry”. Gerard was just about to comment that it was fine when a younger looking man, also wearing dark navy scrubs with a beat up leather jacket overtop, pushed his way through the elevator opening, squeezing himself between the two girls. “Fuck. Thanks Jamia. I really can’t afford another late punch in” he breathed out, while throwing his arm around the brunette and leaning his head against hers, causing her to laugh shyly.  
“Frank, easy.” She looked at him and nodded her head back towards Gerard’s direction. Frank turned around, running his hands through his hair and offered the cornered stranger a bright eyed smile.   
_Oh , he’s really fucking pretty_. There was a lot to take in just at first glance. First off, he was shorter than both the two women he was sandwiched between, not by much, but it was noticeable. The second thing was that this guy, from what Gerard could tell, was covered in tattoos. His hands, the two giant tattoos on either side of his neck and even on his chest, where the scrub top dipped into a v shape, just seriously covered in ink. That surprised Gerard, he never knew hospitals to be so relaxed when it came to body art. Frank’s brown hair framed his face nicely and kind of had a messy look to it that Gerard was unsure was intentional or not. Either way, it was definitely working in Frank’s favor.  
“Oops. I didn’t realize anyone else was on. Sorry about that, man. I’m usually more careful about dropping f bombs around strangers.” Frank smirked while tucking his hair behind his ear.  
Gerard let out a throat clearing cough, ignoring the fact that Frank had just watched Gerard’s eyes glancing up and down his body, “It’s okay. I wasn’t even paying attention.”   
Frank still smiling at him, nodded and turned back towards the closed elevator doors. 

“ _Wasn’t even paying attention”? What the hell was that?_! Gerard shut his eyes and mentally kicked himself.

“You look rough. Isn’t tonight your first night? Did you not sleep at _all_ on your days off?” The brunette, Jamia, poked Frank in the side causing him to pull away in a jolt. 

“Yeah yeah. You know I can hardly sleep on my days off. Feels like such a waste when there’s so much out there to do.” Frank waved his hands overhead dramatically.  
Gerard felt his phone buzz and reached back into his pocket. His mom had replied; “ _Ur here already? Why didn’t u tell me u were already in Belleville?_”   
It’s not like it had been intentional, it had just been a long ass day. Gerard sighed, replying would be useless at this point. He’d just have to let her lay into him once he got to the room.

The nurses in front of him continued their whispering, too low for Gerard to pick up on any key information. So he leaned his head against the cold elevator wall and tried to prepare himself for what he was about to walk into.


	2. Chapter 2

Gerard walked his way down the hospital hallway, searching for Mikey’s room number. The brown marbled tile from the first floor had now been replaced with shiny white squares.  
 _913...914....915._ He stood in front of Mikey’s closed door. He knew no matter what was said on the other side of that door or what he saw, he had to keep a straight face. If not for his own sanity, then for Mikey’s.  
 _Okay. It’s going to be okay._ Gerard’s fingertips settled on the cold steel lever acting as a doorknob and softly pushed the handle in, opening up to the room on the other side.   
His eyes immediately found the empty hospital bed and then they fell on his mother. Sitting in a chair closest to the window, eyes peering over her bifocals down onto the pages of a Home & Garden magazine. He let his eyes really settle on her, avoiding the contents of the rest of the room. Donna looked the exact same and yet somehow different. Her hair, dyed platinum blonde and with enough volumizing hairspray to rival that of an 80’s rockstar. Her make up was done and even though it was flakey, from what Gerard could only assume had been the effect of numerous tears, it was still mostly in place. Her nails were painted a coral pink that stood out like brightly highlighted orbs against the green background of the magazine cover.  
“Hey Mom.” Gerard stepped into the room, closing the door behind him.   
“Jesus Chr- Gerard! Don’t sneak up on people. You could have given me a heart attack!” She dropped her magazine and moved to her feet, smoothing her shirt and pants out in the process.  
“Well, kind of a convenient place to have one, don’t you think?”  
“That smart mouth of yours,” She beamed at him, “You got that from me. Don’t ever let your father take credit for that. Come here.” She removed her glasses, setting them onto the small window sill besides her. Gerard dropped his knapsack along the wall of the room and walked over into his mother’s arms. For such a small woman, she somehow always managed to consume you in a hug. For the first time in a long time though, Gerard didn’t seem to mind. He leaned into her and let his mother feel connected to him. It was his fault anyway that this had been their first hug in years. He could give her a few seconds like this.   
  
_There it is. That strong ass perfume. What was it? Red Door? Fuck, it could choke you if it had hands._

“You found your way okay? Did you have any trouble?” She pulled away, wiping at the soft tears that had formed in the corner of her eyes. Gerard felt a small twitch of guilt creep over him.  
“No. No trouble at all. I could smell your perfume as soon as the plane touched down in Jersey.” He smiled at her and gave his best impression of a well mannered son. “It was like following a chemtrail.”  
“You think you’re so funny.” She swatted at his arm and moved back into the generic blue hospital chair and motioned for Gerard to have a seat on the edge of the empty bed. The thing was stiff, he couldn’t imagine laying in one of these for days at a time.  
“What did you do to your hair, funny man?”  
Gerard’s hand flew impulsively to his head. He had recently felt like a life altering make over and decided to buzz it off and die it platinum blonde. Guess he was his mother’s son after all. Besides, the long black hair had basically been a frying pan on his head underneath the hot California sun.  
“You like it? I feel like it gives me this...edge, ya know?”  
“No, I don’t know. It makes you look like you need to be in one of these things” she motioned towards the hospital bed, “Don’t they have tanning salons in L.A.? Why are you so pale?”  
Gerard let out a genuine laugh.  
“Just because I don’t have the texture nor shade of a brown leather couch, does not make me pale. You know I’m pretty.” He moved his hand through his hair, or rather lack of, and looked at his mom from underneath his eyelashes.  
“You are very handsome, Gerard Arthur Way.” She shifted her weight, face dropping into a more serious expression. “I just wish I didn’t feel like I was looking at a stranger.”  
 _Fuck. Here we go.  
_ “Mom. I-“  
As if by some fucking miracle, the door to the room opened, followed by Mikey in a wheelchair that was being pushed by a young blonde in bright green scrubs. Gerard jumped off the bed and locked eyes with his brother. Mikey looked rough. To put it bluntly. He had two large black eyes forming and another bruise along his jaw. The bridge of his nose sported a gnarly cut that you could tell had just recently been sutured up.  
“Wow Gee. You look like you need this room more than I do.” Mikey’s eyes scanned over his brother’s head. He heard his mom let out a soft chuckle from behind him, causing him to roll his eyes.

  
_Oh, that little shit._

“What happened this time, Mikes? Get too busy with a tambourine solo and lose control of the car? Were you too embarrassed so you had to blame it on your bizarre health condition?” Gerard teased back but made sure his words came out in a non-sharp but playful tone. Mikey laughed, causing him to instantly clutch at his sides. The woman that was pushing his chair leaned over and placed a hand on his shoulder.  
“I’m okay, Kristin. Thanks.” He smiled back at her and she stepped to the side wearily. Mikey turned back towards Gerard.  
“Broken ribs.” He nodded, reading the puzzled look on his brother’s face. Gerard watched as Kristin moved Mikey as close to the bed as possible, locking the wheels and coaching Mikey how to help her get him back into bed. She counted out loud, rocking Mikey gently and at the count of three, she was able to heave Mikey upright while he simultaneously pushed his body weight forward using his legs. Once she got him standing, she slowly pivoted his body around, her arms tight on his waist and his hands on her shoulders, until the back of his legs were against the edge of the bed and it was safe for him to sit down. From there, the two of them were able to get Mikey back into a laying position, with Mikey only grimacing in pain a handful of times. His face was white and his shut tight as he gripped the edge of the bed.  
“Sorry, got dizzy for a second.” Mikey stammered. Gerard felt his mouth go dry. He had never seen his brother this weak. This immobilized. He knew that the car accident played a huge part in it, but fuck, it made it all too real at just how close of a call this had been.  
Kristin held a cup of water to Mikey’s mouth, smiling at him like he was by some chance a miracle. Gerard had to agree with her.  
“Okay, Mikey. Take it easy tonight. Try not to laugh too much.” She shot a playful look in Gerard’s direction, while setting the water cup down. “If you need anything just push your call light, okay?” She headed towards the door, rubbing the foam hand sanitizer over her hands before turning back towards Mikey.  
“I’ll be leaving for the evening, but you have an amazing team tonight. Your nurse is like a rockstar on this floor. You’ll be in great hands and I’ll see you first thing in the morning!”  
“Bye Kristin.” Mikey smiled and raised a hand at her. “Thanks for everything.”  
“It was my pleasure.” She stood there smiling at him, a silence between them settling.   
Donna let out a small cough and Kristin blushed as she turned and left the room, leaving the door slightly cracked. Good ole’ Donna Lee. Leave it to her to cockblock her injured son while he was in the hospital.   
“So, she seems pretty cool.” Gerard stated with a sly grin.  
“Yeah. She is.” Mikey was still looking at the door before he leaned his head back against the pillow and let out a long sigh.  
“So!” Donna jumped out of her chair and leaned over Mikey, brushing his hair away from his face. “How did the CT scan go? What did the doctor say?” Mikey moved his head away from his mom, swatting at her hands playfully.  
“Dunno yet, ma. Anyway, I’m sure you’ll find out way before I do. Knowing you.” Gerard laughed. He knew exactly what Mikey was referring to. They had an inside joke between the three of them that hospitals quaked in the shadow of the one and only Ms. Donna Lee. She was an Italian New Jerseyan momma bear, after all. It didn’t matter that she was only 5’5, she let her voice be all the height and muscle she needed. Gerard felt sorry for any doctor or medical team that found themself on the other side of Donna’s impatience and sharp tongue.  
Gerard sat back down on the edge of Mikey’s bed and placed a hand on his leg.  
“What happened, Mikey?” His voice softened, almost to a whisper.  
Mikey looked down at his hands.  
“I honestly, I couldn’t even tell you, Gee.” His fingers started to twist the bed sheet. “One second, I was driving down Division Avenue, on my way to open up the store, and the next, I’m waking up in the back of an ambulance with two terrified paramedics looking down at me.” “He hit a tree.” Their mom interjected, “Thank God you were wearing your seatbelt, Mikey Way. See, all those years of me harping on you boys to wise up and wear your seatbelts paid off!” Mikey smiled at their mom and nodded.  
“You’re right. Otherwise this would be a whole different type of hospital visit.” Gerard instinctively squeezed his brother’s calf, he didn’t even want to think about that. Apparently, neither did their mom.  
“Right, well. I’m going to get a cup of coffee and try to track down your physician or find out who your new rockstar nurse is. She’s got to be better than the one you’ve had all day. Tell your brother how she missed your vein for your IV, not once, but TWICE!” She dramatically walked towards the door, waving her hands above her head as if she were swirling up a storm cloud. She closed the door behind her, setting out on her war path.  
“Please, spare me the details of the IV fiasco.” He wrinkled his nose at Mikey, while moving himself into the now vacant chair.   
“Yeah, figured you wouldn’t want to hear about THAT part.” Mikey smiled down at him. “Plus, mom’s exaggerating. In all fairness, I moved the first time.” Mikey flexed his left arm where the first needle stick attempt took place. A purplish bruise was already starting to form against Mikey’s pale skin.   
Gerard felt his stomach twist. He really fucking hated needles.   
“Dude, my car is wrecked.” Mikey whined. As if that was the only important factor in all of this.   
“That car was a piece of junk and I’m amazed it lasted this long.” Gerard sat back and crossed his legs.   
“A T-Bird is not a “piece of junk”, you ass. It’s a classic.”   
“Mikey. You had rats living in your back cushions for weeks and didn’t even know it.”   
“Yeah, well, they have good taste in real estate.” Mikey exclaimed, crossing his arms.   
“Mhm. Okay, Mikes.” There was no point in arguing with Mikey. He loved that car more than any girl he had ever been with and would defend it with his last breath. 

The room fell into an uncomfortable silence. The joking banter seeming to come to an abrupt end. Gerard shifted his weight in his chair, thankful for the creaking of the furniture beneath him.  
“Gerard.” Mikey’s head was leaning back against the pillow, his eyes closed.   
“You didn’t need to come all the way out here. I’m okay, a FaceTime would have been enough. I know you care.”   
“Mikey. Shut up.” Gerard leaned forward, his elbows on his knees. His voice sharp. “This isn’t like when you were fifteen and fainted while we were playing Mario Kart. You were driving. An actual vehicle. With other people on the road. I could have..” He choked on his words before forcing them out. “I could have lost you today. I could have been all the way on the other side of the country, not knowing my brother was dead.” The lump in his throat tightened as he swallowed. “We have to figure out what’s going on, Mikes, and I’m going to stay here until we do. I don’t ever want to get that kind of phone call again, okay?”   
Mikey stayed with his eyes closed and face up towards the ceiling. His jaw muscles tight.   
“Okay, Gee. Okay.”

* * *

  
Thirty minutes or so had passed and Mikey was sleeping, finally succumbing to his exhaustion. Either that or his pain meds. Gerard still sat in the chair, scrolling aimlessly through his emails, when a knock was placed on the door. “Uh, come in.” Gerard moved his phone next to his mother’s glasses on the windowsill and stood up.   
The door opened and an older looking woman in navy scrubs came in first followed by- _oh, holy shit. Frank_.   
The older woman’s face relaxed when she saw it was Gerard in the chair. A reflection of just how quickly their mother could wear down someone’s spirit.   
“Hello, I was Mikey’s nurse today, but this will be his new nurse for the evening.”   
Frank smiled at Gerard. A playful look on his face.   
“Ah. Yes. The elevator stranger.” He extended his hand out and Gerard took it, shaking it back. God, he hoped he was making a regular face right now.

“Mikey? Mikey, wake up. I’d like to introduce you to your night nurse.” The older nurse gently touched Mikey’s shoulder. Mikey’s eyes fluttered open and landed on her and then on Gerard then Frank and then their hands. Gerard realized he was still shaking Frank’s hand. _Fuck_. He immediately dropped it and moved back to the blue chair. He could feel a slight heat in his face.  
The day nurse and Frank talked to Mikey and discussed the plan for the evening. “Rest. Pain medication as needed and of course, making sure the telemetry monitor stayed on at all times.” The woman stood over Mikey and used a tone that one would assume was for a child who had to be told what to do. Gerard saw Mikey was smiling and followed his eyes. Frank was standing behind her, out of peripheral vision, wiggling his eyebrows and wagging his finger. Mikey let out a small laugh, which must have startled the woman because she jolted backwards and looked down at Mikey quizzically.  
“Sorry.” ‘Mikey’s face blushed. “I just remembered something funny my friend once told me.”   
“Alright well, like I said. Plenty of rest tonight, Mr. Way.” She shook her head and gathered her charts up before sauntering out of the room. Frank followed but not all the way. He closed the door as soon as she was out of sight and came back to Mikey’s bedside. He offered his tattooed arm out towards Mikey and Mikey reciprocated.  
“So, Mikey. Now that the old batty is gone, I just want to let you know that tonight’s going to be different.” Frank released Mikey’s hand and took a seat on the rolling chair stool that had been shoved into a corner. He moved himself towards the edge of Mikey’s bed.   
“First things first. I wont bullshit with you if you don’t bullshit with me. This-“ he moved his hand between the space between him and Mikey “this relationship only works if we trust each other. Okay? I’m not going to treat you like a child, because last I checked, your chart said you’re 26. I’m 25 and I don’t like to be treated like a child. I expect you’re the same?”   
Mikey nodded. Eyes bugging out of his head.   
“Cool. Alright. Secondly, I’m with you for twelve hours tonight. I’ll also have you for the next couple of nights.” Frank darted a quick glance towards Gerard’s direction. “I only want like 15% of that time being spent talking about medical stuff. Of course, we’ll make sure we’re following the doctors order and yada yada, BUT-“ Frank stood up. “I want us to have a good time. Okay? Talk about shit you care about. Things that make you feel good. I want to get to know the person and not the patient number attached to your chart.”   
Frank offered another smile to Mikey and headed for the door. “I have a few more patients to check up on, but I’ll be back before you know it and we’ll get this evening started. Sound like a plan?” Frank lingered by the door, one arm up against the door and the other placed loosely along his side.   
Gerard couldn’t help but notice how toned his arms looked against the tight sleeves of the scrub top. The splashes of black and colored ink mixing beautifully against his skin. The way his hair swooped to one side and curled around his ear.. Gerard had to force himself to blink.  
“Ye-yeah. Sounds like a plan, man.” Mikey’s voice brought Gerard back to reality.   
“Alright, rad. I’ll be back in bit.” Frank smiled at both of them before opening the door and walking out.   
Gerard turned to Mikey and found Mikey already looking at him.   
“Dude.” Mikey said, eyes glowing with amazement.   
“I know.” Gerard was fucked.


	3. Chapter 3

If Gerard found hospitals during the day time something to be avoided, well hospitals at night were in ring all on their own. There was something eerie about how the darkness fell upon the floors, the lack of people walking the halls, and the silence that crept in. Only to be broken up by the occasional beeping of an IV pump, asking to be restarted or to just be shut off. In a way, to Gerard, it felt as if the building took on a whole new entity, one of a possessed sanitarium, once the sun finally set. The windows acting as it's eyes, looking out into a moving world while it held captive the souls of those trapped within. The walls were it's bone and skin, impenetrable. The halls acted as it's veins. Weaving its way through the body, carrying the people, ones alive and the souls of the ones that had passed. The ones that were still alive, Gerard imagined, had to be that like a virus that the entity had deemed to fight off as a way to protect itself. He swore, if you stayed absolutely still, you could see the walls move in and out, mimicking that of a rising chest. If you listened hard enough, you could even begin to hear the walls exhaling, low and struggled, as if in pain.

Gerard checked his phone again, the bright white screen hurting his eyes, as they had just seemed to get adjusted to the dark. It was nearing 3:30 in the morning and he hadn't slept at all. He never could sleep in hospitals. Not when it was always breathing so loud. Gerard pushed himself up, sitting on the edge of his cot. Frank, with a look of pure charm plastered on his face, had so graciously offered one at the supply of the hospital so that either Gerard or his mom could stay with Mikey in the evenings. Donna had only fought him on it for second, nearly snagging the victory when she pulled out the mom card with big pouty eyes. However, Gerard pulled out an unreleased edition of his comic book, The Umbrella Academy, and waved it nonchalantly for his mother and brother to catch a glimpse of. Mikey's facial expression was all that was needed for Donna to realize she had zero weapons in her arsenal to compete against that. 

After their mother had kissed both of the boys goodbye and left for the evening, Mikey and Gerard fell into deep conversations of plots and story lines, villains and superpowers. Now, hours passed, Mikey laid curled up on his pristine white bed, snoring into his pillow. The comic book still loosely in his hands. The light from the moon poured through the window, casting shadows on his face that seemed to only enhance the already formed bruises. Frank had given him some pain medication at around midnight after noticing Mikey wincing a bit more with movement. It seemed to have done the trick because Mikey had drifted off to sleep, mid page, not even ten minutes after it was administered. Whatever he had been given, Gerard was thankful for it, as Mikey didn't even budge when his nurse entered the room again. 

"Sorry, I just need to enter some information into his chart." Frank spoke in a whisper, directed towards Gerard's silhouette, as the blue light from the computer screen lit up his face. 

Gerard almost mentioned that there were other computers, even ones just right outside the door at the nurse's station, that Frank could have picked from. However, Frank's unsubtle attempt at being around him was kind of charming and besides, Gerard could use a little company. 

"No problem." Gerard shot him a smile; one he wasn't even sure Frank could see in the dark. 

"He's out cold, huh?" Frank smiled at the computer, nodding in Mikey's direction, as he typed away. 

"Yeah, pretty sure nuclear war sirens could go off right now and he wouldn't budge." Gerard clarified his point by picking up a magazine and dropping it to the floor. Both Gerard and Frank watched as the sharp thud had no effect on the sleeping man. "See, he's a lightweight."

Frank let out a soft laugh while shaking his head. "In all fairness, I'm pretty sure you would be in a pretty similar state if I had given you the same amount of medication."

"That's just it though, I'm never in a position to be receiving pain meds." Gerard stated, "Especially via IV." His face scrunched up. 

"Ah! So the brave big brother is afraid of a tiny needle, huh?" Frank stopped typing and turned to where he was facing Gerard completely. "What if I said I had one in my pocket right now?" His hand moved down to one of the pockets in the side of scrub pants. 

Gerard felt his body immediately tense. "That would probably be the quickest way for you to be kicked off my brother's care team." Gerard laid his words out carefully, making sure they carried the right amount of conviction. He did not fuck around when it came to needles. 

Frank threw his hands into the air, signaling his surrender. "Okay, okay." He laughed, while shaking his head. "No needles. Got it, loud and clear." 

Gerard's body relaxed a bit, the edginess to his voice disappearing as he cleared his throat and asked; " Apparently they don't bother you much. You're quite colorful." His head nodding in Franks direction.

"Nah man, I mean, yeah. They hurt a shit ton but the pain is totally worth it." He looked down at his arms, as if he had forgotten they were his. "I'm like a walking art museum." He boasted a smile, as if he were proud of his metaphor. 

"Art museums are nice. I enjoy them." Gerard hadn't realized how cliche that sounded until he heard his own words fall into his ears. 

Frank turned back towards the computer, fingers lingering against the keyboard.

_Maybe he hadn't of heard him?_

"Holy shit!" Frank was suddenly wide eyed. 

_Fuck, fuck, fuck._

_"_ I didn't mean-" Gerard quickly began to explain before Frank cut him off again. 

"Holy. _SHIT!"_ He was now standing over Mikey's sleeping body, hand reaching out for the comic book still in Mikey's grasp. "How did I not make the connection?!" You're THE Gerard Way. As in _Umbrella Academy_ Gerard Way." He held the book open in his hands, flipping furiously through the pages. 

"Uh, yeah. That's the name that shows up on my drivers license, anyway." Gerard relaxed again, thankful for the distraction. 

"Dude, you're amazing. I'm not like a comic book geek or anything. Don't really have the time for them, but _this_ stuff, the things you come up with, just amazing." His eyes left the pages in his hands and rested on Gerard again. "Seriously, how did you come up with this?" 

Gerard was used to admiration from fans but there was something a lot more rewarding watching the compliments fall from the lips of one of the prettiest men he had ever seen. Was definitely a great ego boost, he couldn't deny that. 

"It really just came to me one day." He exclaimed, hand waving above his head. "There really isn't a crazy backstory to it, no life altering moment brought me to it. I've just always had a thing for comic books." 

Frank nodded his head along to Gerard's every word, as if he were letting them absorb into his skin. 

"So cool." He whispered, eyes back on the colored pages. "It's also kind of funny. You look nothing like the Gerard Way I had pictured in my head." 

"Oh? What did you picture, exactly?" Gerard's words danced out playfully. He had control of the conversation once again and knew it when he saw the blush creep onto the tops of Frank's cheeks, noticeable even in the dark. 

"You know..like.." He stammered, "Just not _you._ That's all." He closed the comic book, replacing it back on Mikey's bed. 

"No, I get it. You're not exactly what I would picture if someone said "male nurse" to me." Gerard pointed out.

Frank shot him a smile. "Guess we're just two guys breaking misguided stereotypes." 

"Looks to be that way." Gerard smiled back.

Frank returned to the computer and began typing again. Gerard sat there, silently watching as Frank's ink colored hands and fingers flew across the keyboard. Gerard noticed that when his fingers flexed, the muscle in his forearm did too. Something he had never deemed an attractive quality until now. He could sit and watch Frank like this for hours. The way the soft white light from the computer screen helped sculpt out Frank's features. Gerard had always had a thing for hands, but this, this was intoxicating. Frank was absolutely right. He was exactly like an art museum. Gerard's eyes traveled up Frank's arm, his chest, his neck. He had the perfect side profile. This man was seriously beautiful. _Wait, was that a smirk?_

"You're staring at me." Frank stated. 

Gerard blinked, incapable of moving. 

"What else do you enjoy, Gerard?" Frank questioned, turning back to meet Gerard. His eyes felt like they were burning through him.

"What?" The word stumbled from Gerard's mouth. 

"You said you enjoy art museums." _So he had heard._ "What else do you enjoy?" Frank crossed his arms against his chest, flexing that muscle in his forearm again. 

Gerard, in any other circumstance would have taken the opportunity to tell Frank exactly what he liked. He wasn't a shy man, especially when it came to men he found attractive. _Extremely attractive._ However, this wasn't like any other circumstance. This wasn't a bar pickup back in LA, this was his brother's nurse. His brother who was lying there in a hospital bed, doped up, because he had crashed his vehicle due to passing out. No, this was not like other circumstances. Lines had to be drawn, Gerard knew this. He sighed and threw out the safest word that came to mind first, "Coffee." 

Frank stood there, as if he hadn't heard him, his eyes still intense. Gerard felt like maybe he should repeat himself and was just about to when Frank finally broke his gaze. He turned and quickly shut the computer screen off and headed for the door. He stopped once he reached the handle and with a low promising voice he said," I think I can work with that, Gerard."


	4. Chapter 4

The next few hours were uneventful. Gerard, still unable to sleep, spent most of his time laying on his back, staring up at the ceiling. How had it only been 24 hours since he got the phone call? The concept of time was always something that really threw him into a spiral. One second, you’re setting up meetings to discuss the release date of your newest comic book edition and the next, you’re sitting next to your banged up brother in a hospital bed, fantasizing about his nurse’s arms and hands. It was almost too much to even grasp, it almost didn’t even feel real. His level of exhaustion at this point was definitely not helping.  “ _I think I can work with that, Gerard._ ” What did that even mean? Frank’s words and the heaviness they carried rattled through Gerard’s already spiraling brain. He squeezed his eyes shut.  _I need to sleep_. 

The room had finally started to refill with light purples and pinks, little hello’s from the rising sun, when Mikey finally started to stir from his coma-tonic state.  
“Morning, Gee.” He mumbled through a yawn while rubbing his eyes. “I feel like I slept for years.”

“Hey Mikey.” Gerard sat up, relieved for the disruption of Frank’s words and images of his body on continuous loop in his head. “That’s good. You really needed the rest. How do you feel?” 

Mikey paused, as if he were running a self evaluation.

“I feel okay. Little foggy. What about you?” Mikey peaked over at his brother’s ghostly face, dark circles already forming. “Gee, you didn’t sleep did you?” 

“No. I wanted to be awake, just in case you needed me.” Which wasn’t completely false. 

“When mom gets here, go home. Get some sleep, dude.” 

“And miss out on all the fun? No thanks, Mikey Way.” Gerard stood up, stretching his fingers up towards the ceiling. 

“Right, the fun. You mean the blood draws and the arguments mom’s going to start with the doctor about why we don’t have a diagnosis yet?” Mikey always made such good points. 

“Well, when you put it like that.”

“Plus, if anything happens, we both know mom will be blowing up your phone.” 

“Okay okay. If you didn’t want me here, you could have just said so.” Gerard shot a playful wink to his brother. 

“It’s not like that, Gee, and you know it.” Mikey rolled his eyes “But this place stinks enough as is. I don’t need your stench mixing in with it, too.”

Gerard shoved an invisible dagger through his chest, stumbling backwards as if Mikey’s words had wounded him. 

“Dramatic ass” Mikey scoffed.  
  


When their mother arrived, she was in a perfect state of chaos, in true Donna Lee form. Shooting out questions fast enough to make your head spin, about how the night played out and wanting every detail. A look of disbelief fell on her face when all she was told was that Mikey slept. A few minutes later, Mikey’s breakfast tray was brought in. The smell of it making Gerard’s stomach turn sour and from the look on Mikey’s face, his as well. She prodded Mikey to attempt to eat from the tray in front of him and poor Mikey obliged, just in hopes of getting their mom to settle down. 

_Poor dude_.   
  
Gerard made his mom promise to text or call if there was even the slightest change in Mikey’s status as he swung his bag over his shoulder. 

“Also, Gerard, can you sneak in some snacks?” His brother asked, meekly poking at what was supposed to resemble oatmeal. 

“Sure thing, kid.” Gerard nodded as he headed out the door.

He passed the nurses station, noticing the dark halls had now been replaced with more sounds than just the previous hours. He saw Frank standing next to the older nurse that Mikey had yesterday, reviewing some papers together. As if he could somehow feel Gerard’s eyes on him, Frank looked up to meet his gaze. A corner of his mouth raised in a small smirk. Gerard continued towards the elevator, suddenly craving coffee. He hoped that his mother had more than just decaf in the house. He got his cellphone out and checked the time, almost 7:20AM. He’d definitely have a cup, just one, he promised to himself. Just to help get him through a shower and into bed.  
When he reached the ground floor, he realized he had forgot about asking his mom for her car keys.  
 _Fuck_.  
He pulled his cellphone back out and clicked on the Uber app. He typed his pick up and drop off location into the requested boxes and hit the submit button. Almost immediately, he got a notification that a guy named Jeff in a grey Buick was heading his way, about 30 minutes out.  
 _Thirty minutes?! I could walk there in that amount of time_. He locked his phone, shoving it back into his pocket, slightly annoyed. _Guess I’ll make myself comfortable.  
_ He took a seat on one of the benches closest to the hospital entrance doors, taking in a sharp breath of the crisp October air. He forgot what seasons felt like. The slight chill that fall could bring with it, the real kind of fall. Not the LA kind. He pictured everyone’s fall decorated door steps back home, the fake red and orange leaves curled around handrails and pumpkins placed atop stairs while sitting under the warm California sun. He smiled at it. If they only knew.

“Hey.” A familiar voice brought his mind back to Jersey, back to the hospital he was sitting in front of. 

_Frank_.

“Hey.” Gerard straightened himself up. 

“The hospital smell that bad you had to escape out here for some lovely New Jersey air, pollutants and all?” Frank smiled at him, shoving his hands into his leather jacket pockets.

“No. I mean, yes, the hospital does smell bad. Really  _ really  _ bad,” Gerard mimicked a look of disgust, “but I’m waiting for my uber. Gonna let the General resume her watch.” He nodded his head back up to the 9th floor. 

“How far out is your ride?” Frank asked. 

“Uh, I’m not sure.” Gerard pulled his phone out and reopened the app. “Says about twenty-five minutes.” He tried to hide the disappointment on his face.

“Well. I’ve got a car. I could take you, if you wanted?” Frank looked down at him, his eyes showing the same intensity from earlier hours. 

Gerard’s stomach tightened picturing him alone with Frank in his car. 

“Oh no, that’s okay, man. Don’t you need to get home and sleep, anyway?” Gerard broke from Frank’s eyes, needing to give his head a break. 

“I can have you home and be back at my place, showered and in bed, by the time your ride finally showed up. It’s really no big deal.” He twirled the set of keys around in his hands. 

Gerard tried not to watch as Frank’s finger spun the keys around in a perfect rhythm. 

“Okay, yeah, sure. I don’t live far.” Gerard stood up, facing a wide grinned Frank. He looked like he had just won some big prize and it made Gerard’s stomach flip. He placed his bag over his shoulder and waited for Frank to lead the way.

“Shouldn’t you cancel the ride?” Frank asked, still with that dumb smirk on his face.

“Oh, yeah. You’re right.” Gerard fumbled for his phone again, clicking “cancel ride” on the screen. 

_Sorry, Jeff_. 

“Okay, I’m all set.” 

“You sure?” Frank beamed at him, eyebrow raised.

“You have about two seconds to start walking to your car before I change my mind.” Gerard glared.  
Frank barked out a laugh and shook his heading, while turning around to head towards the parking garage.

They climbed the stairs to the top floor in silence, Gerard making sure to keep his eyes glued to his feet and not at the view in front of him. When they reached the top, there were only a few cars parked. One in particular stood out. It was a beautiful pearl white Pontiac Trans Am. Gerard’s dream car.  
 _Please, for the love of god, do not let THAT be his car_.  
There was no way that was his car, but he didn’t really picture Frank as the type to drive a Dodge Caravan with a stick figure family on the back window.

They started walking in the direction of the Trans Am.

“Frank.” Gerard squeaked out. “Frank, that Trans Am, is that yours?” He didn’t mean to sound so shaky but holy _shit_. Frank didn’t answer and instead just kept walking until he was standing at the passenger door.   
He turned around, a look of pure pride on his face.

_ He’s showing off.  _

“THIS” He exclaimed, while placing a hand on the roof of the car, “is Pansy. She’s my pride and joy. Majority of my paychecks go towards her, but man, she’s been worth every penny spent.” 

“Frank. I’ve wanted one of these for  years.” Gerard could hardly contain his excitement. “What year is she?” 

“79.” Frank answered almost before Gerard had even finished asking, as if he was prepared for the question. 

Gerard let his eyes scan over the body work, trying to keep his eyes at a normal size. Frank slid the key into the passenger door, unlocking and opening the door for Gerard to climb in. The interior was just as beautiful as the outside. Everything was matte black and clean, aside from a can of red bull sitting in a cup holder. One of those black ice scented trees hung from the rearview mirror. Gerard let out a low whistle as Frank climbed into the drivers seat and started the ignition. Gerard’s body was buzzing. He was never one to get excited over cars, never a huge car guy, but this. This was the exception.

Frank pulled a CD out of the middle console and inserted it into the disk drive. He waited until the hard sounds of Black Flag’s song “Depression” filled the air around them. 

_ This dude is not real. This has to be a dream.  _

Gerard leaned into the cool black fabric of the seat and watched as Frank’s fingers tapped against the steering wheel. They pulled out of the parking spot and started to head down the levels of the parking garage. When they got to the bottom of the ramp, Gerard realized he hadn’t told Frank where to go.  
Not wanting to interrupt Frank belting out to the lyrics, he pulled out his phone and typed his mother’s address into apple maps and handed the phone out for Frank to see. Frank looked down at the phone and pushed Gerard’s hand away while shaking his head and smiling. He pulled out onto the main road, ignoring the puzzled look on Gerard’s face.

They drove through the town of Belleville for about 10 minutes before Frank pulled into a parking spot located in front of a small coffee shop. 

_ That little  _ _shit_.

He turned the ignition off and unbuckled his seat belt, still avoiding Gerard’s gaze. 

Gerard let out a cough, finally grabbing Frank’s attention.

“What? You said you liked coffee.” Frank’s face was expressionless, making it hard for Gerard to read. 

“Were you lying?” 

“No. No, I do like coffee. It’s just-“

“It’s just a coffee, Gerard.” Frank opened his door and closed it with a soft thud before heading to the front door of the coffee shop. He stood there, waiting nonchalantly for Gerard to move. 

_It’s just a coffee, Gerard_.  He let out a small blow of air before climbing out of the car and meeting Frank at the entrance. 

“You’re kind of annoying.” Gerard stated, reaching across Frank’s chest to pull open the door, the sound of small bells overhead, and walking inside.   
Frank followed behind him, smiling that “I just won the best prize” smile.

* * *

“This is me.” Gerard stated, Frank’s car slowing to a stop in front of the old brick bungalow styled house. 

“Thanks for the ride, Frank.” Gerard reached into the back seat, pulling his bag into his lap. “Honestly, your car is amazing. You’ve done a great job on it.” 

“Thanks.” Frank leaned back into his seat, hands running over the steering wheel. 

“So, you going back to the hospital tonight? To see Mikey?” He asked Gerard, face pointing towards the windshield.

“Yeah. I’ll be there. For Mikey.” Gerard wanted to laugh at how hard Frank was trying to sound indirect. It was really fucking cute. 

“Cool. Well, I’m back tonight, also. Want me to give you a ride? It’s really no problem.” 

Gerard thought about it for a second. 

“No, that’s really okay. You’ve done enough for me already.” He replied, holding up the still half full carryout coffee cup. 

“Are you sure?” Frank looked at him now, his eyes desperate. 

“Yeah, Frank. I appreciate it though.” Gerard opened up his door and placed a foot onto the cracked driveway pavement, hesitant. 

“But.” He already regretted saying that, “if I change my mind, can I call or text you? You know, just in case I get stuck waiting for another Jeff that lives out in the middle of nowhere?” 

Frank pursed his lips together, suppressing a smile. 

“Yeah, yeah sure. That would be fine.” 

Gerard handed Frank his phone and waited while he entered his information. Once Frank gave it back, Gerard thanked him again and got out of the car, closing the door behind him.   
Frank shot him a smile and wave, before backing down the driveway and driving down the road.

Gerard walked up to his old front door, smiling and shaking his head. Frank was unbelievable. In a really weird, completely inappropriate but kind of charming way. He turned the key in the deadbolt and stepped into the house. The sights and smells hit him hard. He hadn’t been home in years, but everything was the exact same. Almost as if it had been untouched. The white laced curtains framing the bay window, the blue lumpy couch and even the creepy dolls his mom positioned throughout the living room. Her idea of decor was much different than Gerard’s.

He headed towards the basement door, where his room was. A small buzz of excitement washed over him as he started to remember all the cool shit he had left behind when he moved to LA. He stepped down the old creaking wooden steps, fumbling for the light switch that was along the wall somewhere. _Ah-ha!_ The room filled with a dusky orange light, he made a mental note to change the bulb. His eyes scanned over his old things, a sense of nostalgia washing over him. All of his Star Wars and Batman action figures lined his shelves on the walls. Comic books in neat stacks on his dresser and desk. His walls filled with old posters from the bands he had grown up listening to. Everything was exactly how he had left it.  
He rummaged through some more of his things, finding old sketchbooks filled with hastily drawn animated vampires and other monsters, his fingers tracing their lines as memories flooded back to him. It was in this basement bedroom where he had realized he wanted to be an artist of some sort. Wanted to share the thoughts he had in his head with millions of people, to let them know that they weren’t alone, that it was okay to go against the normal structures of society. You didn’t need to wear a suit and tie to be successful, sometimes you just needed to create something beautiful and share it.

After a few more minutes of digging around his old belongings and simultaneously unpacking his bag, he decided it was time to take a shower and catch a quick nap. 

He shot his mom and Mikey a quick text, asking about an update before heading to the bathroom.

He turned his phones music on and started the shower water. He stopped at the mirror, catching the reflection of a man that did not look familiar to him. 

“Holy shit, Gerard. You’ve seen better days, my friend.” He slapped his cheeks lightly, hoping to put some color on his face besides the purplish rings under his eyes. 

The sound of David Bowie’s voice filled the echoing bathroom as he stepped into the shower. The heated water hit his sore and tired muscles, beating rhythmically against his skin. He stood there with his hands against the wall as he let the water roll down his back, running along the curves of his body. The morning’s events playing through his mind.  
He tried to block it out, but all he could think about was Frank. Sitting there in that small cafe with that smug look on his face. The conversation had been nice, flowing easily between the two of them. Frank was full of questions and seemed to want to know every detail of Gerard’s life. He didn’t mind though, because it meant that he got to reciprocate the questions and honestly, Frank was probably the coolest guy he had met in months. Except for when he met Grant Morrison in August at a comic con. Still, Frank was different. He had these kind playful eyes, that Gerard found extremely hard to say no to. He had these little quirks too, like talking with his hands and his overuse of the word “rad”. Who even says “Rad” anymore? Gerard laughed, tilting his head back underneath the hot water. His eyes closed as it pelted against his face. Flashes of Frank’s smile, hands and arms moved behind Gerard’s lids.  
Frank was extremely attractive, there no sense in denying it. A blind person would even know how hot Frank was, just from the way he talked about things. Like his passion for nursing and how he had decided on going to school for it after he almost lost his grandfather to a heart attack a few years back. He also carried this sort of hardcore “give no fucks” kind of attitude that made Gerard weak. There was something about men with attitude problems that seemed to do the trick for Gerard.  
He felt his body responding to the memories of Frank going on his tangent about how fucked up the whole healthcare system really was, the way his hands waved around dramatically as an emphasis to his colorful and vulgar vocabulary. Something about revisioning the passion spew from Frank’s wet lips made Gerard let out a low throaty groan, causing his dick to harden between his legs. A cascade of goosebumps spread slowly across Gerard’s body in spots that weren’t protected by the stream of water. He was too tired to fight off his boner and honestly, getting himself off now would probably help him fall asleep faster. 

  
_ Fuck it.  _

He wrapped his hand around himself and slowly started to stroke his cock up and down. He visualized the way Frank’s eyes would fall on Gerard’s lips when he spoke, the way he would lick his lips when Gerard described what it felt like when he created something. He loved that Frank hung on every word he said, like he _needed_ his voice. His words. Gerard’s rhythm quickly increased along with his breathing. He imagined the way Frank’s hand would look, wrapped around him, his tattoos against his dick. The way the water would look dripping down his straggly hair.

Another moan escaped his lips, his free hand digging against the shower wall. It took only a few more lingering images of Frank standing under the water with him, his toned tattooed arms holding Gerard’s tired body up, to pull out a deep orgasm. His stomach tightening as hot cum shot onto his hand.  
“Fuck.” He breathed out. He hadn’t been able to get himself off that quickly in, _god_ , years? He stood with his eyes closed under the water again, the last of the pressure in his muscles dissipating.

He stayed in the shower for awhile, not wanting to leave the warm confines of its walls. Only when he noticed his fingertips were disgustingly pruny, did he decide to turn the water off. He stepped out on the rug on the bathroom floor, a towel loosely draped around his hips. 

He grabbed his phone and saw he had some texts from his mom and Mikey. 

**Mom** : _“Mikey is fine doc wants him 2 wear heart monitor and do some sort of weird test”_

**Mikey** : _“It’s called a stress test. It’s no biggy, think I’ve had one before.”_

**Mom** : “ _Y arent u asleep yet g_ ” 

Gerard sent a short response: _“sounds familiar, I think you have too, Mikey. Heading that way now, mom. Love you both.”_

He finished getting dressed and crawled into his old bed. It still smelled like incense and Old Spice. He set an alarm on his phone and checked his emails once more. 

He was just about to set his phone back down, when he pulled up his contact list and scrolled down to the F’s. There was a new entry, Frank with a black heart next to it. Without giving himself time to think, he clicked on the name and typed a quick message; _“Hey, Frank. It’s Gerard. The emoji was a nice touch. Can you be here at 6ish?”_

He hesitated for a brief second before hitting send. Almost instantly, the typing bubble popped up. 

_ “I think I can work with that.” _

A small smile spread across Gerard’s lips as he plugged his phone in and curled up underneath his comforter. A sense of warmth creeping over his body. Within minutes, he was passed out. 


	5. Chapter 5

Gerard stood at the edge of his driveway, cigarette in hand, waiting to spot the white Trans-Am pull down his street. He had slept great but something in the back of his mind kept him anxious. Like he couldn’t rest entirely, for whatever reason. Even his dreams had been relatively calm, the anxiousness in his chest only starting once he had woken up. He felt like he was late for or missing something. He couldn’t quite put his finger on it. He knew he was nervous, obviously, about his brother’s health. Still, that didn’t seem like the cause for Gerard’s sudden agitation. He took a slow drag from the cigarette, trying to get his chest to calm down. Finally, he could see Frank’s car pulling onto his road. He flicked the cigarette out, taking the tip of his shoe and grinding it beneath him.

Frank pulled up in front of him, slowing his car to a crawl. He rolled down the window and leaned over the passanger seat, his eyes peeping over the sunglasses resting on the tip of his nose.

“You know those are bad for you, right?” He popped open the car door, allowing Gerard to get in.

“Please, spare me the lecture.” Gerard climbed in, closing the door behind him and rolling his eyes. The last thing he needed right now was to be told by nurse Frank how he was going to die from lung cancer.

“You okay?” Frank started back down the road, in the direction of the hospital. “You seem a little cross.”

Gerard thought about his answer, how do you tell someone something’s bothering you when you don’t even know what that _something_ is?

“Yeah. I’m okay. I guess I’m just anxious about getting back to Mikey.” Gerard fumbled with his phone, checking to see if he had any messages, even though he was well aware that he didn’t.

“That’s understandable, dude.” Frank nodded, eyes straight ahead on the road. “You guys have a great relationship. Kinda jealous.”

Gerard let out a short laugh. “Jealous?”

“Yeah, man. Like, I wish I had a brother. I’m an only child. I spent my childhood hanging out with old people in bars, watching them all jam out.” Frank smiled at the memories passing through his head. “Don’t get me wrong, I felt like the coolest little fucker, growing up. I used to brag to all my friends in school about what the inside of Joe’s Jazz Bar looked like. Kids envied me.” He checked his blind spot as he got into the next lane, “but shit got boring quick. It was kind of lonely. Just wish I had had someone my age that experienced it with me.”

Gerard looked over at Frank, he seemed somewhere far off. Not currently present in the car with him, which was a scary thought, considering he was, in fact, the one driving the vehicle.

“Yeah, Mikey and I had a pretty great childhood. I mean, apart from the hospitals and shit.”

Frank nodded, acknowledging the obvious.

They sat in a comfortable silence for the remainder of the drive. When they arrived, Frank offered to buy Gerard a coffee from the hospital cafeteria, to which Gerard politely declined saying he’d rather drink straight gasoline. Frank laughed while rolling his eyes, telling Gerard he’d see him up on the floor, as they parted ways. It was only on the way up in the elevator, now alone, that Gerard realized that the anxious feeling in his chest was creeping back. He had been too enveloped in Frank’s presence to realize that it had all but disappeared while being in the car with him. _Big deal_. It was probably just because Frank was distracting him, so his body wasn’t able to focus on whatever was driving his anxiety. Gerard took in a deep breath. 

He knew it was more than that, though. The memory of his earlier shower making that abundantly clear. 

So what if he had a crush? That shouldn’t give his body any reason to throw itself in a state of chaos every time he was without Frank. It’s not like he’s never had a crush before, for Christ sake. None of those people had this kind of reaction on him. So why was Frank so different? It was probably just because of the whole situation he was in. The fact that he was just vulnerable right now due to being away from his home, watching his brother in a hospital bed and having zero answers as to what was putting him there. 

That had to it, it made sense. Gerard processed the justification internally. Nothing could even happen with Frank, anyway. Not as long as he was Mikey’s nurse. Frank was a good nurse too, one Mikey enjoyed. Gerard trusted him to be the one taking care of Mikey and jeez, how fucked up would that be if he ruined that because he simply couldn’t keep it in his pants? No, he was an adult, he could handle this. He could handle his attraction for Frank. Even if that meant having to jack off more than usual. He wasn’t going to fuck this up, he wasn’t going to ruin a good thing for Mikey. Mikey needed someone like Frank a lot more than Gerard needed Frank’s body. He wouldn’t let himself be that selfish. Not this time. 

* * *

When he reached Mikey’s room, his mom was sitting in the chair, watching as Mikey and Kristin were playing a game of cards together. A cross look sat on his mom’s face, her lips together in a thin line. Mikey looked up at Gerard, smiling and with a slight blush. 

“Hey man.” Mikey darted his eyes back down to the deck of cards in his hands. 

His mom, relaxing her gaze on Kristin, settled on Gerard now. 

“Gerard, honey, how did you sleep?” 

“Just fine, mom.” He moved over to where the cot was laid out, sitting on the edge. “I threw out all the dolls today, so I think I got my first decent sleep ever in that house.” 

His mom’s face dropped, the color in her skin turning to a deep red. 

“I swear to god, if anything in that house is misplac-“ 

“I’m kidding, mom.” Gerard laughed at his own joke, deciding to end it before his mom had a brain aneurysm. 

“That’s not even remotely funny”. She sat back with her arms crossed tightly over her chest. 

“It’s a little funny.” Mikey piped up, a big smile on his face. “Those dolls are _kinda_ creepy.” 

“Dolls scare the living daylights out of me.” Kristin spoke up, laying a card down next to the Mikey’s. 

The room grew stale, the red color slowly arriving back in Donna’s cheeks. Kristin sat oblivious to the daggers the boys’ mother was shooting at her, as Mikey and Gerard looked at one another, as if silently communicating on how to defuse a bomb. 

“Gerard. Why don’t you take mom downstairs for a coke or something?” Mikey blurted out, his eyes desperate on Gerard. 

“Uh. Yeah. Yeah.” Gerard stood back up, smacking his hands lightly against his thighs. “Come on, mom. I’m thirsty.” 

Donna’s face was unblinking. 

“I don’t want to go downstai-“

“Please, mom. You know I hate walking around these things alone.” 

That seemed to snap their mother out of her vicious trance; the idea that one of her boys needed her. 

“Oh dear God, Gerard. You are almost thirty years old.” She spat out, while standing on her feet and grabbing her purse, “You need to get over your little hospital-phobia.” She walked passed Gerard, silently loving that she was needed. Gerard looked back at Mikey before following her out, his face reading a “you owe me” expression. Mikey read it well and mouthed out a silent “thank you”. Gerard smiled and blew a kiss, while closing the door behind him. 

* * *

“This is where they keep the bodies.” Gerard peered around a corner of a deserted long hallway on the main floor. His mom begrudgingly walking behind him. 

“How on earth would you know that?” His mom poked her head around Gerard’s frame, looking down the same hallway. 

“I don’t know.” He shrugged his shoulders “just a feeling, I guess.” 

“You and your creepy feelings” his mom turned around, heading back down the way they came. “Such a weird man, Gerard.” 

He cast another look down the hallway. If he designed a hospital, this is exactly where he would put the morgue. 

He turned around, walking a fast pace to catch up with his mom. They walked through the main lobby, his mom complimenting the floors, before finally reaching the cafeteria. 

Hospital cafeteria’s, Gerard decided, were the worst. Everything was fried and greasy but somehow held zero taste. If you asked for a salad, well the lettuce was so wilted, it felt more like cooked spinach. His number one rule for eating anything from a hospital was to only go for the things packaged before reaching their doors. He grabbed a bottled coke from the refrigerator and remembered that he had promised Mikey some snacks. He headed for the packaged chips and cookies. He loaded his hands and arms up in small bags of potato chips, crackers and some Rice Krispy treats. 

“So you wont drink their coffee but you’ll load up on all that stuff?” 

This guy was literally _every where_. 

“Frank, I’m starting to think you’re stalking me.” 

Frank grinned, “Hey, I told you I was heading here, first. So if anyone has a stalker, it’s me.” He boasted, pointing his tattooed finger back at himself. 

“Yeah. Well, this stuff isn’t for me. It’s for Mikey.” He returned, matter of factly. 

“Right. Okay.” Frank playfully rolled his eyes. “So I better not see you eating any of that up there.” 

“Remember, you’re Mikey’s nurse. Not mine.” 

“Would you like me to be your nurse, Gerard?” Frank stepped closer, his smile turning devilish. “Would you like me to give you a sponge bath? Help you into one of our gowns? Or, maybe _out_ of?” 

Gerard felt his cheeks get hot and his stomach twist. The images of Frank standing over him and washing his body entered his head before he even had a chance to stop them. 

“Gerard! There you are.” For the first time in his life, he was so very thankful for his mother’s impeccable timing.

Frank took a step back, keeping his eyes on Gerard. 

“You begged me to come down here with you because you were scared and then just left me to fend for myself.” 

Gerard was no longer thankful. 

“I wasn’t scared.” Gerard clenched his teeth. 

Frank looked at him with an eyebrow raised, obviously enjoying this.

“Really? Then why am I down here?” His mother, completely oblivious to the fact that Frank was even standing there, continued to ramble on about Gerard’s fear of hospitals and how she raised a child trapped in a mans body. 

“Mom, you remember Frank, don’t you?” He shifted his body back towards Frank’s direction, who was smiling so big from hearing Donna’s spiel, “He was Mikey’s nurse last night.” 

“Ah. Yes. I remember.” His mother’s gaze shifted to Frank, who immediately stiffened up. 

“Are you drinking coffee because you’re tired?” Donna asked Frank, just looking for a reason to start a fight about having some exhausted nurse falling asleep while he’s supposed to be watching her son. 

“Decaf, ma’am.” He raised his cup up.

_ Liar. _

“Huh. Well. You should probably slow down.” She shifted her purse on her shoulder, head turning toward the exit, “you’re already so short. Heard coffee stunts people’s growth.” 

Frank’s face went cold and Gerard shot him a menacing grin as he turned and followed his mom out of the cafeteria. If Frank wanted to play this game, Gerard had the best weapon in town. It just so happened to be his mom. 

* * *

The rest of the night was pretty uneventful. Donna left shortly after they got back upstairs and Gerard had to spend the next few hours listening to Mikey talk about how awesome Kristin was. Looks like his brother had a bit of his own crush on the hospital staff. 

Frank came in the room, acknowledging only Mikey. He was playful with him, talking about their favorite bands and talking about Frank’s tattoos. Frank ran an EKG on Mikey and said that it was all normal, that his rhythm strip was the prettiest one he’d seen in weeks. That got a nice eye roll from Gerard. Playing up to his brother, real nice. 

Mikey seemed to be in a pretty good mood, rating his pain at only a 4 and declining any pain medication for the night. Frank told him if he changed his mind to just let him know and he would “shoot him up with the good stuff.” 

Gerard settled into his cot as he and Mikey watched some old western movie on one of hospital tv channels. It wasn’t long before Mikey was passed out again, dreaming of a hospital romance. 

Gerard replied to some emails about the release of the newest Umbrella edition and found himself, again, sitting alone in the dark, with only his thoughts. The walls of the hospital letting out their first exhales of the night. The tightness in Gerard’s chest reappeared, the need for something. Or _someone_. Gerard shook his head at that. Frank wasn’t just someone. He was Mikey’s nurse.

He let out an exhale and closed his eyes. He wanted a cigarette. His anxiety’s attention switched over to his body needing, almost demanding, a hit of nicotine. 

Gerard sat up and walked quietly out of the room, not wanting to wake Mikey up. He closed the door slowly behind him. 

“Where you sneaking off to?”

Gerard jumped. 

“Jesus, Frank. I’m going to get you a fucking bell.” He leaned against the door, waiting for his already jumpy heart to settle down. 

Frank laughed. 

“Sorry. I didn’t mean to scare you. I know how scary hospitals are and shit.” He eyed Gerard. “I’ll try to be more mindful.” 

“I’m not afraid of hospitals.” Gerard defended himself. “They just aren’t on my list of favorite places to be.” 

“Fair enough.” He pushed his hair behind his ear. “So. Where are you sneaking off to?” 

“I was gonna go out for a quick smoke.” He admitted, a touch of embarrassment to his voice. 

“Ah. I see. Well. Let me get my jacket and I’ll go with you.”

Gerard stared at him, “Frank. That’s really not necessary.” 

Frank held up his hands, “suit yourself.” He put his hands in his scrub top pockets and acted like he was about to walk away. “Oh, when security asks why you’re creeping around outside of a hospital, just tell them Frank said it was okay for you to be out there.” He raised another eyebrow, “I’m not sure how far that will get you, because I don’t know any of the guys on security detail tonight, but” shrugging his shoulders “it’s worth a shot.” He turned around and started down the hall. 

Gerard stood there, silently cursing the situation he was in. 

“Fine.” He whispered out, dragging out the “e”

“What was that?” Frank turned around, placing a hand to his ear.

“I said fine.” Gerard repeated, letting his defeat show. 

Frank smiled at him, that beautiful fucking smile. “Cool. Wait for me by the elevator. I just gotta let the others know I’m taking you out.” His choice of words making Gerard’s heart skip. 

He nodded his head, hoping his face wasn’t showing any evidence of what he felt inside.

Frank headed back down the hall and Gerard took a second to gather his thoughts. Frank was no amateur, that was for sure. He was going to need two cigarettes, now. 

They met back at the elevator, Frank saying nothing but obviously proud of himself. They rode down in silence, walked out into the cold October night to a designated smoking spot, some odd amount of feet away from the hospital. 

Gerard lit his cigarette, letting the chemical’s enter his lungs and blood stream. The smoke he exhaled mixed with the condensation escaping his mouth against the cold air, making a bright white cloud. 

Frank took out his cellphone and typed away for a second before turning his attention to Gerard. 

“Says here you’re 29.” He dangled his phone between his fingers.

“You could have just asked instead of googling it.” Gerard took another inhale, his eyes staring into Frank’s. 

“Yeah but it’s kinda cool how I can just find anything out about you that I want.” 

“Actually, it’s kind of creepy.” Gerard retorted.

Frank smiled for a second, before realizing that Gerard was being serious. 

“Sorry. That was weird.” He put his phone in his back pocket and shoved his hands into his leather jacket. 

They stood in silence again, the night sky laying a dark blanket around them.

Gerard finished his first cigarette and flicked it out into the road. He debated with himself about lighting another one but, honestly, he wasn’t really used  to the cold and his hands were already screaming for heat. Maybe LA had changed him, just a little. 

He headed back towards the hospital, Frank following silently behind. 

They got to the Emergency Room entrance doors, the only doors unlocked to the building at this hour, when Frank grabbed Gerard’s bicep, halting him to a stop. 

“I uh.” He ran his hand through his hair again, avoiding eye contact. “Look, that was a shitty move on my part.” He fumbled out. “I promise I wont google you anymore.” 

Gerard stood there, watching as Frank seemed to fall apart in front of him. He was nervous, almost like he was ashamed. 

“Frank, it’s cool.” 

“Nah, it wasn’t. But thanks for lying to make me feel better.” He shot a half hearted smile to Gerard. 

“I mean, no, it’s not.” Gerard nodded, “but I understand. You’re just curious.” 

Frank nodded, biting down on his lip. 

The look on his face alone sent Gerard’s body into overdrive, adding the bite to his lip just seemed cruel. 

Gerard took a step closer to Frank. The cool air replaced with the warmth from their breath. 

“What would you have looked up next?” He questioned, a hint of challenge to his voice. 

Frank met his eyes, the look of embarrassment now replaced with something that resembled fire. 

“I would have looked to see if you were single.” His voice started out smooth, but ended shaky. His hands dug deeper into his jacket. 

Gerard kept his gaze, feeling the power shift between them. Frank was nervous and for some reason that made Gerard feel stronger. He loved feeling in control. 

“And if it had told you I was?” He cocked his eyebrow, leaning in just a bit closer.

Frank seemed to freeze, his mouth twitching with the words he wanted to say. 

“I- uh. I would of asked if I could drive you home again in the morning.” Frank’s answer came out soft, like they weren’t the words that were supposed to fall from his lips. 

Gerard smiled at him, looking him up and down, “Sure you can, Frankie.” His head spiraled at the sound of the nickname that danced out of his mouth. He liked the way it sounded, liked the way it tasted on his tongue. “One condition though.” 

Frank looked at Gerard, his eyes wide. “Anything. Yeah. Sure, whatever you want.” 

“I get to drive Pansy.” 


	6. Chapter 6

“Gerard! Slow the fuck down!” Frank’s voice exclaimed, a mix of being both scared and angry, his hands pressed hard against the dashboard in front of him, his knuckles turning white. 

“Oh, relax Frankie.” Gerard smiled cooly, only lifting his foot off the accelerator for a brief second. “You were driving way worse than this yesterday.”

“Let me see your license. How do I even know you’re legal to drive? Do people even drive themselves in Los Angeles?” Frank’s hands moved from the dash and clutched around the seatbelt strap across his chest, his face too afraid to look away from the road in front of them. 

Gerard let out a hearty laugh at that. “You’re funny. Yes motherfucker, we drive ourselves.” He turned down his road, blowing past the stop sign. 

“Jesus Christ!” Frank turned to look behind them, possibly to see if there had been any witnesses. “I change my mind, never again Gerard. You’re pretty but not this fucking pretty.” 

Gerard pulled in front of his house, finally drawing the car to a complete stop. 

“You think I’m pretty?” He shot a comical look in Frank’s direction, batting his eyelashes. 

“Get out of my car, you psycho.” Frank laughed at him, shoving his mocking face away.

They both got out of the car, Gerard walking towards his front door and Frank to the drivers side of his still running vehicle. 

“Hey, Frank.” Gerard stopping before he reached the porch, his mind and body still buzzing with the adrenaline of the car drive home. He suddenly realized how awake he was now and wasn’t quite ready for the burst of energy to end. “Hey, you wanna come inside for a cup of coffee? I figure I owe you one.”

Frank stood by his car, suppressing his smile. He hesitated for only a second before reaching inside, the cars engine growing silent, and pocketing his keys.

He walked towards where Gerard was standing, “Well, the person who served our coffee was in a skirt. How committed are you to paying me back fully?” 

“All my skirts are back in Los Angeles.” Gerard responded, playing along with Frank’s flirtation. “Besides,” he waited until Frank was next to him before opening the door and continuing “you wouldn’t know what to do with yourself if you saw me in a skirt.” 

Frank halted by the door, the image running through his head as his smile fell more into a half gaping “O”. 

Gerard extended his arm out, sweeping it towards the entry way of his childhood home and stepping aside, waiting for Frank to enter first. 

He stepped inside while removing his leather jacket and tossing it on the arm rest of the blue couch. 

“Wow.” Frank’s eyes slid over the room, his face mixed with something along the lines of shock and terror. 

“Yeah,” Gerard copying Frank and tossing his jacket next to his on the couch, “that seems to be the general consensus when people first see Donna’s living room.” He chuckled and waved his hand, signaling for Frank to follow him to the kitchen, where the coffee maker was waiting and where dolls weren’t. 

Frank sat down at the kitchen table as Gerard started scooping the coffee grounds into the filter. A low rumble of thunder echoed from outside. 

“I love thunderstorms.” Frank muttered towards the window, as if he had only meant to think it. 

“Oh yeah, man. Me too.” Gerard flipped the on button of the coffee maker and the first spurts of coffee began dripping into the pot. 

He walked over to the table and slumped down into the chair across from Frank. Light rain drops began pelting against the window behind them. 

“So soothing, ya know?” Both of their eyes transfixed on the dark clouds rolling in. 

“Yeah. It’s the best kind of sleep.” Frank ran his hand through his hair, resting his chin on his palm. “Like, after a shift, coming home and just crashing to the sounds of thunder and rain. It’s fucking perfect.” 

Gerard nodded his head silently as the sound of the rain and the coffee maker picked up. He reached into his pocket and pulled out his cellphone along with his pack of cigarettes and lighter. 

“You don’t mind if I smoke in here, do you?” Gerard brought the cigarette to his lips, the lighter in front of him but without a flame.

“Nah, man.” Frank turned to look at him, “it’s your house.” 

“Technically,” Gerard lit the cigarette and held in the first inhale “it’s my mom’s house. My house is in LA, remember?”

Frank smiled. 

“Okay, asshole, you know what I meant.” 

Gerard smiled back at him and leaned back into the chair. 

“Do you ever think about moving back here? Like, permanently?” Frank settled into his chair, the smell of coffee and the rain putting him at ease.

“Sometimes.” Gerard nodded “it’d be easier now, since I’m established in the comic book scene. Got my name out there now and people know I’m a somewhat serious person.” He smiled at his own joke. 

Frank tossed him a little grin.

“I don’t think I could ever leave Jersey. I’ve been all over, but this state is definitely home for me. “

“What do you like so much about it?” Gerard asked, honestly curious.

“I don’t know, man.” Frank leaned forward, his arms crossing on the table. “She’s raw. She’s rough. But she’s fucking made amazing people. Springsteen, Bon Jovi, Sinatra, the fucking Misfits.” His hand counting along as he spouted out names. He was cute, like this. The look of admiration and devotion on his face. The way it lit up like he fully believed his own words and would die defending them. Watching him talk about Jersey made Gerard feel like maybe he loved the state just as much. 

The coffee maker let out a beep and before Gerard could put his cigarette down, Frank was up on his feet, opening the nearest cupboard. 

“And like, you know, living here aint easy.” He closed the door, not finding what he was looking for and moving to the next one. “You have to be a tough motherfucker to live here, man. Jersey will swallow you up and spit you out if it smells an ounce of weakness on you.” 

Gerard sat back, smiling as he watched the man with messy hair and tattooed arms search through his kitchen. 

He let out a cough, grabbing Frank’s attention, and pointed at the cupboard closest to the coffee maker. 

Frank looked at it and turned back smiling at him. He walked over and opened it, pulling out two mugs. 

Gerard watched as he poured the coffee into both of them. 

“Do you like cream or sugar?” Frank looked over his shoulder at him as he replaced the pot back on the burner. 

“Nah, black will be fine.” Gerard could feel his cheeks start to ache a little from the scene that played out in front of him.

Frank brought the two coffee mugs back over to the table, sliding one over to Gerard as he sat back down in his chair.

“Thank you.” Gerard said, holding his cigarette between two fingers and bringing it back to his mouth.

“No problem.” Frank smiled, watching as the cloud of Gerard’s slow exhale poured over his lips. 

There was silence between them but also a tension. Gerard could feel it. This electric buzz radiating off their bodies. He wondered what Frank tasted like. What he sounded like when he was getting fucked. Was it as beautiful and intoxicating as when he spoke about things he loved? The images rolled into Gerard’s head, imitation of the storm clouds outside. 

Frank’s face had gone still, obviously consumed with his own thoughts. Gerard could tell he was watching his lips though, so he brought the cigarette back up to them. Watching as Frank slowly raised his coffee cup to his mouth, eyes transfixed.

“Ow! Fuck that’s hot.” Frank wiped at his mouth, setting the coffee cup back on the table. 

Gerard couldn’t help but laugh, this guy was insanely cute and he wasn’t even trying to be. Seemed rather unfair to Gerard. 

“You should move back to Jersey.” Frank said, picking up the conversation again. 

“Why’s that?” Gerard pushed an empty chair out with his foot and brought it up to rest on the seat. 

“Cause. Jersey is fucking awesome. And plus, Mikey would probably enjoy having you back.”

“Just Mikey?” Gerard was having too much fun with him now. The way Frank squirmed under his gaze.

“Your mom, too. I guess.” Frank broke eye contact and leaned down to blow on the small wisps of steam emitting from his cup.

“Ah, well. For Mikey and Donna then.” Gerard raised his cup up and took a small sip. He didn’t mind the heat against his lips and tongue. He had sort of built a tolerance to it.

Frank turned his eyes back to the window, the rain coming down in a thick heavy blanket.

They spent the next hour talking about favorite superheroes, old horror movies and their favorite concert experiences. It was easy to get lost in a conversation with Frank, Gerard noted mentally. Even when there was a silence between them, it never felt uncomfortable. Never felt forced. It was as natural as the rain falling outside. Just seemed and felt right. 

Frank leaned back in his chair, a yawn escaping.

“Shit, Frank. You should get home. You’re probably exhausted.” 

Frank nodded, a small frown appearing. 

“Yeah, unfortunately.” He swallowed the last of his coffee. Between the two of them, the had almost drank the entire pot. 

He stood up, stretching up towards the ceiling, causing his scrub top to lift slightly up his stomach. 

Gerard’s eyes immediately fell to the newly exposed skin, which was, to no one’s surprise, also tattooed. The ink and hair that led down under the waistband of his pants caused Gerard’s mouth to go dry and a thirst to build in his throat. When he looked up at Frank, he found his eyes on him, a cocky smile dancing at his lips, paired with a raised eyebrow. 

Gerard smiled back at him, unashamed that he had been caught. He was only human, after all. Gerard stood up and headed back towards the front entry way door. Frank grabbed his jacket from the couch and stood facing Gerard. 

“Thanks for inviting me in.” He said as he slipped his arms into the black leather sleeves. “This was nice.”

“No problem. Thanks for letting me drive Pansy.” 

“Oh, you’re welcome. But I’m serious. That will never happen again.” He shook his head, sending his hair falling over his eyes.

“Okay, Frankie.” Gerard nodded sarcastically at Frank’s words. 

“So, uh.” Frank pushed the hair from his eyes and moved it to behind his ear.

_Fuck._ Gerard loved when he did that.

“I’ll pick you up again?” Frank looked at Gerard, hopeful. 

It took everything in Gerard not to pull him in, to kiss his pleading lips. He knew Frank wanted him, could feel the _want_ dripping from every word he spoke to him. And god, Gerard wanted him, too. Wanted to see what was beneath the navy scrubs, trace his fingers against the lines of ink in his skin. He wanted to take Frank’s hand and lead him to the basement. Wanted to finally give in to this intense energy between them. He imagined it would probably be one of the best fuck’s he’d ever had, if not _the_ best. He had never felt such a strong desire for another person before. The way Frank seemed to fit so naturally in his life already, made it feel even better. 

“Gerard?” Frank was staring at him, a look of concern on his face.

“What? Oh yeah. Yeah. That’d be great, Frank.” Gerard blinked away the images of Frank tangled in his sheets and settled back into reality. 

“Okay cool. Oh and hey.” Frank shoved his hands into his pockets again. “Tonight’s my last night, and then I have two days off. But uh, if you’re not busy and would like to take a break from the hospital for a night, I like to hit up this little bar that’s not too far from here.” His eyes filled with that look of desperation again, making Gerard’s insides feel hot.

“I don’t know. I mean it all just depends on Mikey and how he’s doing.” 

“Right, yeah. Of course.” Frank shook his head, eyebrows slightly pinched together. “Okay, then, I’ll be here around the same time as yesterday?”

“Sounds good, Frank” Gerard opened the door, the rain falling in a light mist now, and let Frank slip between him and the doorframe. 

Frank lingered for a half a second, his eyes falling to Gerard’s lips again before he turned and headed for his car. 

Gerard’s heart was in his throat. “Bye Frank.” His hand raised slightly, giving a small wave to the man standing in his driveway.

“See you soon, Gerard.” He shot a smile back and climbed into the drivers seat of the car. 

Gerard couldn’t help but notice how he had to readjust the seat. He smiled at that as he closed the door. He was going to need another shower. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For E<3


	7. Chapter 7

Gerard had slept like shit. Whether it was from the multiple cups of coffee he consumed only an hour before falling asleep or from the situation he currently found himself in, he felt more tired than before he had crawled into bed. Probably a mixture of both, if he was being honest with himself. The overabundance of caffeine and stress mixing together to form the perfect breeding ground for the crazy, life like reoccurring dream he had. It was just Mikey. Bloody faced and crying out for Gerard in the middle of a street. Gerard could hear him and see him, as if he were right in front of him, but no matter how many times he yelled out to Mikey, no matter how many times he tried to get him, he had to watch Mikey collapse and not get back up. Over and over again. His unmoving body lying in the middle of the road. He would wake up in a jolt and then succumb to his exhaustion again, only to experience the nightmare in its entirety, all over. 

When his alarm finally went off, he woke up in a cold sweat, heart racing and eyes heavy. His hair sticking up from perspiration and his face pale from the sickening feeling of not being able to save his brother. He dressed himself in a pair of ripped black jeans and threw on a black t-shirt to match, not having the energy to give his appearance much more thought. Going to the hospital was the last thing he wanted to do but seeing Mikey was also the first. _Always in a conflict_. Gerard sighed, rubbing his eyes with the palm of his hands, causing flickers of static light to flash behind his closed eyelids.  


When he got the text from Frank that he was on his way, he was already on the porch, his third cigarette in hand. The cold fresh air, still lingering with the smell of fallen rain, helped clear his mind, but just a little. He knew it was a dream but he couldn’t shake this feeling of overwhelming guilt. His subconscious always did such a wonderful job of making him feel like the absolute worst big brother. 

Frank pulled into the driveway, Gerard hearing the soft “pop” from him unlocking his door. 

“Hey.” Frank mumbled out. He didn’t look any better. Maybe it was because it was his third night in a row working a twelve hour shift or maybe Gerard really fucked up by having their little coffee date, considering both of their current state. 

“Hey” Gerard returned, buckling his seatbelt. 

Frank put the car in reverse, turning down the road to head to the hospital. 

They sat in silence, not even music coming through the speakers. Which was super weird because Frank was addicted to music. Gerard didn’t bring it up though, he enjoyed the hum of the engine and soft vibrations. 

“I slept like fucking hell.” Frank finally spoke out. 

“Fuck. Me too.” Gerard groaned.

“Couldn’t fall asleep to save my life.” Frank had one hand on the steering wheel, the other rested against his temple with his elbow against the door.

“Oh, I fell asleep just fine.” Gerard stared out the window, “But I kept having the same dream over and over. Kept waking me up.” 

Frank straightened his posture, returning his other hand to the steering wheel.

“Want to talk about it? I love hearing about people’s dreams.” 

“I mean. It was just about Mikey.” His eyes shifted from the blurry buildings outside to a tear in his jeans, his fingers pulling at the loose threads.

“Ah.” Frank nodded. 

More silence.

“Gerard, he’s going to be okay, ya know?” Gerard could feel Frank’s eyes on him. 

“He’s got the best doctor’s discussing his chart every day. Putting their big brains together.” 

“I don’t know if that’s it.” Gerard spoke as if to no one. 

“Well, enlighten me. Give me the details.”

Gerard let out another sigh and gave the details of his dream to Frank, reliving the way Mikey’s face looked against the moonlight, the shine from the blood and the way his voice sounded desperate. 

Frank let out a small hum when Gerard finished speaking. 

“So you feel guilty you weren’t here when he had his accident.” 

Gerard turned back towards his window.

“Gerard. Even if you had been here in Jersey, there’s absolutely nothing you could have done to prevent his accident.” Frank pulled into the hospital parking garage. “You know that right? You’re not superman, and unless you’re hiding some sort of superpower where you can see the future, there’s jack shit you could have done.” 

Gerard let Frank’s words sink in, he knew they made sense, but still. 

“Yeah, man. Maybe.” 

Frank pulled into a parking spot on the top level, cutting the engine off. 

“Hey.” He reached out, his hand resting on Gerard’s shoulder. 

Gerard looked at him, his mind blank. 

“Look. Shitty things happen. Usually at no fault to anyone. Life is just like that. And whatever is going on with your brother, we’re going to figure it out, okay?” 

Gerard nodded, his eyes locked on Frank’s. 

They sat, unmoving with Frank’s hand still on Gerard’s shoulder, absentmindedly rubbing. 

“You know what it sounds like to me?” Frank snapped them out of the silence, opening his car door and hopping out of his seat. 

Gerard followed suit, not nearly as energetic. “What’s that?” 

“Sounds like you could use a few drinks, at a bar, with a pretty rad dude.” He gave Gerard a smile, heading towards the door leading to the staircase, bouncing along the way like an excited puppy.

Gerard let himself laugh at him. His ability to shift from basically saying nothing and complaining about being tired to having this sudden burst of energy, all in the sake of cheering Gerard up, was extremely charming. 

“I told you, it depends on Mikey.” 

“I know that’s what you said.” Frank said, taking the stairs two at a time. “That’s why, I’m going to be a super nurse tonight. It’s going to be my sole mission to make sure Mikey is as close to 100% as possible.” 

Gerard smiled at the back of Frank’s head. 

“Frank, you can’t do anything a doctor doesn’t tell you to do.” 

Frank halted, turning towards Gerard suddenly, almost causing him to crash into him. Frank’s eyes were wide awake now, a devilish grin spreading across his lips. 

“Oh, you beautiful man.” He grabbed onto Gerard’s jacket collar. “You stick to drawing awesome comics and leave the nursing to the..” his eyes drifted away from Gerard’s face, searching for the right word, “well, I guess, nurse.” 

Gerard let out a loud laugh, the acoustics of the stairwell intensifying the sound.

“You’re fucking insane, Frank.” 

Frank turned back around and headed down the remaining floors. 

“You have no idea, Gerard. You have no idea.

* * *

Frank’s hyperactive energy had put Gerard in a somewhat better mood by the time he reached Mikey’s room. His good mood only increasing when he saw Mikey walking back to his bed, unassisted. 

Mikey smiled at him, acknowledging Gerard’s assessment. 

Their mom had left a little before Gerard had arrived, saying something along the lines of needing hairspray. 

Gerard was fine with having just missed her. Not that he didn’t love his mom, just that her intense aura wasn’t exactly what Gerard was wanting to experience, not now anyway. He wanted his newly acquired good mood to continue. 

Gerard settled into the blue chair, asking Mikey for a summary of the events that had occurred throughout the day.

Mikey spouted off the details of his meals and how Kristin had snuck him an extra jell-o. Gerard shook his head, those details were nice but Gerard had meant about his “undiagnosed” diagnosis. 

“Ahh.” Mikey sat with his legs dangling off the edge of the bed. “Well. The doctor said my lab work came back all normal. The stress test from yesterday came back clean, too.” Mikey shrugged his shoulders, “so apart from the busted nose and cracked ribs, I’m looking pretty good.” 

Gerard felt his eyebrows furrow.

“Yeah, but you’re not, Mikey.” A bit of agitation in his tone. “You fucking passed out while driving, crashing into a tree.” 

Mikey nodded, well aware of why he was sitting in an ass-less hospital gown. 

“I know, Gerard. I’m just telling you what the doctor told me.”

“Well, what’s the next step then?” Gerard didn’t like being the overbearing brother, knew Mikey hated it too, but what was he supposed to do? 

“I don’t know, Gee.” Mikey’s body language changed, making Gerard feel instantly guilty. 

“I’m sorry, Mikey. I’m just worried.” 

“You’re worried?” Mikey shot him a stern look, “Gerard, I might not ever be able to drive again. Can’t exactly have a guy prone to passing out driving down the streets of Belleville.” 

Gerard sat back in the chair. Mikey mimicked him and leaned back against his pillows, his arms tight across his chest. 

On one hand, of course Gerard felt for him, his independence and overall wellbeing were at stake but that didn’t mean Gerard couldn’t worry, too. Mikey was his kid brother, he would lose his mind if anything happened to him. 

“I’ll talk to Frank.” 

Mikey shot him a puzzled look. 

“Frank? What’s he going to do? How do you even know I have him as a nurse again tonight?” 

Gerard thought fast. “I saw him when I was walking in.” 

Mikey looked at him, his eyebrow raised. He looked just like their mom did when she knew one of them was lying. 

“Gerard.” 

_Damnit_. 

“Fuck. Okay.” Gerard quickly told Mikey how Frank had been driving him to their mom’s house and picking him up, leaving out the “small” details of their coffee dates and ambiguous flirting. 

“So you and my nurse, huh?” 

“No, no, it’s not, uh, it’s not like that _AT_ all.” Gerard tried his best at a poker face. “He just saw me sitting outside the other morning, waiting for an uber, and felt bad for me.” 

“Uh-huh.” 

Gerard could feel the annoyance building in his chest. 

“Seriously, Mikes! We don’t even talk because he plays his music so loudly in the car!” 

As if right on time, Frank walked in, a bright smile plastered on his face. 

“Good evening, my favorite patient.”

He sat in the wheeled stool, completely missing the social cues of Gerard’s and Mikey’s stiff body language. “I already got report from Joy, so she wont be coming back in. You’re welcome.” He winked at Mikey, while flipping through a small stack of stapled papers in his hands. “So, all lab work came back good. Stress test came back normal.” He nodded his head as his eyes scanned across the papers. 

“So you and my brother, huh?”

Gerard felt his heart instantly drop to the pit of his stomach.

Frank looked up at Mikey, a look of shock on his face.

“Mikey, I told you, it’s not like _that_.”

“You told him?” Frank shifted his gaze to Gerard. His expression hard to read.

“What’s the big deal? You drive me to and from my house. That’s it.” He hoped that Frank wasn’t completely oblivious to what Gerard was trying to spell out. 

Frank placed the papers on the wall mounted computer tray. 

“I hope I didn’t overstep, Mikey.” His face smoothed out, his focus completely on Mikey. “He just looked really pathetic with his thumb sticking out, standing on the side of the road.”

_ Wow.  _

Mikey’s posture relaxed, his stern expression turning to a small smile.

“Nah, it’s cool.” Mikey nodded at Frank. “Honestly, he needs more friends. He thinks it’s cool being all alone, I just don’t have the heart to tell him it’s actually incredibly depressing to sit back and watch.”

Frank laughed at him, slipping on a pair of gloves. 

“Yeah, hi, I’m RIGHT here.” Gerard waved at them, his bad mood slowly returning. 

Frank and Mikey smiled at one another. 

Frank leaned over Mikey, bringing his stethoscope to his chest, his eyes focused on the wall as he listened. He moved it to his stomach, then to his back. He asked Mikey to push against his hands with his feet and asked him to squeeze his fingers “as tight as he could.” All while asking him what he had to eat that day, if he was peeing enough and unfortunately, when his last bowel movement was. A nightly routine. Frank jotted down some things on his sheet of paper and then turned back to the brothers. 

“Well, on paper, you look great.” Frank crossed his legs, the leg on top moving to a slight bounce. “But, as great as that sounds, it doesn’t provide us with answers. And I like answers.” 

Mikey nodded, agreeing.

“Is there anything you can think of at all Mikey, any symptom you’ve been experiencing. Pain or discomfort?”

“I mean, just the usual pain.” Mikey pointed out. “My ribs and my shoulder.”

Frank’s leg stopped bouncing.

“Which shoulder?” 

“My left one.” 

“When did that start?” 

“Uh, I think after the crash?”

Frank was writing again.

“Anything else, Mikey. Think really really hard. Even if it lasted for a short period of time.”

Mikey’s face turned puzzled again. 

“I don’t really know, I mean. Isn’t the shoulder pain just from the car accident?”

“We don’t know that.” Frank pointed his pen at Mikey. “Come on, think.”

Mikey sat back, his eyes straining as if he were trying to see something. 

“I guess, I guess I’ve been feeling a little chest tightness. Like hard to breathe almost?”

Frank’s eyes narrowed at that, his pen moving across the paper again.

“Does it feel like that all the time?” 

“No, I guess mostly when I move around.”

“Okay. So with exertion. Any vision problems?”

Mikey looked at Gerard, a sheepish look on his face.

“Yeah, I mean. A little blurriness, I think?”

“Mikey!” Gerard exclaimed. “Why didn’t you say anything?” 

“I guess I just chalked it all up to the car accident! Like the chest discomfort as like bruising or whatever and the eye problems as, I don’t know, a concussion?”

“You were cleared of having a concussion, Mikey.” Frank picked his papers up, and stood over Mikey’s bed. 

“Remember when I told you this ran on trust?”

Mikey nodded. 

“I need you tell me everything. The smallest detail could save your life.”

Mikey let out a laugh, jolting both Gerard and Frank.

“What, like the detail you two forgot to mention of you driving Ms. Daisy?” 

Gerard felt his face grow hot.

Frank’s lips pursed together. “Okay. Fair enough. From here on out, we agree to be completely honest with one another.” He stuck a gloved hand out towards Mikey. “Deal?” 

Mikey looked at Frank and then at his hand. 

“Okay, yeah. Deal.” 

Frank smiled at him. “Cool.” 

He released Mikey’s hand and discarded the gloves in the trashcan. 

“Okay, you two hang tight. I’m gonna let the doc know about our newest findings.” He waved the small stack of papers in the air, like he had just found a treasure map, while walking to the door. 

“You two play nice.” His body turnedslightly, so that Mikey could see only half of his face, and thank god for that because he shot Gerard a wink before stepping out of the room. 

_Reckless_. The pretty ones always are. 

Mikey picked up the tv remote and started flipping through the channels, not offering a single word to his brother. 

A few seconds later, Gerard felt a buzz from his phone. 

**Frank** : Knew you only liked me for my car ;)

Gerard was wrong. Frank wasn’t just reckless, he was also an idiot. He smiled at his phone, locking it and putting it away. 

* * *

About two, almost three, hours later, Frank popped back into Mikey’s room. 

His hair was even more disheveled than earlier and he looked completely exhausted. He plopped back down in the stool, running his hands through his hair.

“Sorry, guys. I wanted to be back sooner, but. Well. Not all my patient’s are as well behaved as you, Mikey Way.” He offered a tired smile. 

“Anyway, I’ve got somewhat good news.” 

Mikey turned the tv volume down and sat up, Gerard leaned in from his chair as well. 

“The doctor reviewed your symptoms and ordered a few more tests.” 

Mikey groaned.

Frank put his hands in the air. “I know, I know. Trust me. But, one of these has got to point us in the right direction.”

Frank was right. This was a good thing.

“So, we’re gonna do a chest x-ray first.” He crossed his legs, resting his hands around his knee. “That’s the easy one. Depending on the results of that, he’d like to discuss the possibility of a procedure called a coronary angiography.”

Frank waited, looking for any kind of confusion on Mikey’s face before proceeding. 

“It’s a pretty common procedure.” He paused. “The doctor inserts a super thin tube, called a catheter, either through your groin or arm, that runs up to your heart.”

Mikey’s face dropped, while Gerard could feel the color drain from his.

_ A tube through your groin to your heart? Absolutely fucking not.  _

“From there, a dye is injected and then they take x-rays. Giving us a beautifully lit up image of how your blood is flowing through your artery.” Frank looked as if he were patting himself on the back, proud of his textbook intelligence showing through. 

“You don’t have to make any decisions now, Mikey.” Frank said, uncrossing his legs and leaning forward. “We can just start with the chest x-ray and then take it from there. Of course Dr. Schechter will go over all of this with you again in the morning. Answer any questions you have. Sound okay?”

Mikey thought for a moment. 

“Yeah. Sounds good, Frank. Let’s start with the chest x-ray. I don’t want to end up like my brother and be a hermit for the rest of my life.”

“What the _fuck_ , Mikey?!” 

He understood Mikey was upset with him, whatever, but he wasn’t just going to let him paint a target on his back. 

Frank smiled. “Oh, speaking of that.” He shot a strange look in Gerard’s direction before settling back on Mikey. “For the sake of being honest. I asked your brother if he wanted to escape the hospital for a night tomorrow, to go to a bar with me.”

Mikey raised an eyebrow. “Oh? And what did he say?”

“He said it all depended on you.”

Gerard sat there, gawking at the conversation unfolding. How in the hell did this even happen?

“Lame.” Mikey snorted. 

“Right?” Frank nodded. “Anyway, I think we have a solid plan set up. We have an arrow pointing us in a somewhat decent direction, I think, anyway.” Frank shifted his weight slightly on the stool. “So I would really appreciate it if you told him you were in good hands and one night wouldn’t kill him.” 

Mikey sat there, internally debating Frank’s request.

“What’s in it for me?” He asked.

“All the chocolate pudding cups you could ask for.” 

Mikey let out a thoughtful “hm”. 

“And,” Frank reached into his pocket, pulling out a bright pink folded piece of paper. “I’ll give you this note Kristin left me to give you. Now, I haven’t read it, but it definitely has her phone number on it.”

Mikey froze. 

“Okay. Gerard go with him to the bar.”

Gerard laughed nervously. 

“You are both insane.” He stood up, his hands on his hips. 

“I’m a grown ass adult. Older than both of you, remember?” 

Frank and Mikey exchanged glances.

“I can make my own decisions.” 

The room fell silent, Frank and Mikey watching Gerard.

“Well?” Mikey urged.

“ _Well_ , what?” Gerard bit out.

“Are you gonna go?”

Gerard’s body slumped, his arms landing limply at his sides. 

He collapsed back into the chair, his hand rubbing over his eyes. 

“Sure. Whatever. I’ll go to the bar with you, Frank.” 

Frank’s fist shot into the air as Mikey clawed for the pink post it note. 

“I am surrounded by idiots.” 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for any errors. Tired is an understatement.<3


	8. Chapter 8

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Was going to make this into two separate chapters, needing a bridge between the previous chapter and the bar scene. Ultimately, just felt right to keep them together. Anyway, it made for an extra long chapter. There will probably be errors, it is what it is. It was....hard to write. Pun intended. 
> 
> For Gigi. You awesome human.

At some point during the night, Gerard must have dozed off, because when he reopened his eyes, the sun was starting to poke it’s way through the window. He stretched under the heavy woven blanket Frank had given him a few nights back and checked his phone. It was just past 7:00AM and he could hear multiple voices outside in the hall. Shift change. If he wanted a ride home, he’d better get up and catch Frank.

Then it dawned on Gerard, Frank hadn’t actually asked to take him home this morning. Was it wrong for him to assume that a ride from him was a given at this point? He had agreed to go out with him tonight, after all, and they would probably need to talk about that, the details and such. Gerard opened his phone back up and went to the text thread with Frank. 

**Gerard** : “Okay to assume that you’re my ride home this morning?” 

He waited for the text bubbles to pop up, as the usually did right away when it came to texting Frank. But nothing. Maybe he was busy? Maybe he was talking to Mikey’s doctor? He sat up in his makeshift bed, being careful not to disturb Mikey, who was still passed out. 

He slipped his worn down Adidas shoes on and creeped towards the door. He opened it enough to see out into the hallway and the nurses station. No Frank.

Gerard looked back at Mikey, making a mental note to make sure he sent him a text letting him know he had gone home. 

Gerard walked to the nurses station, peeking around the corners of the other hallways. 

“Are you lost?” A bright eyed girl with her hair pulled into a tight bun moved towards Gerard. 

“Oh. No. My brother is in room 915. I was just looking for his nurse, Frank. Do you know where I can find him?”

The woman shook her head and suggested the nursing station. 

Gerard pulled his phone back out, still nothing. 

The thoughts started pouring into Gerard’s head, each one making his anxiety build. Why would Frank leave without saying anything? Maybe he realized how careless and stupid this was? Maybe he was having second doubts and realized Gerard probably wasn’t worth risking his career over. 

He tried to keep the scenarios at bay, his reasoning that Frank had been way too excited just hours ago about the evening they were going to have together. It just didn’t make sense. 

He felt a buzz in his pocket. He immediately pulled his phone out, his face dropping when he saw that it was just his mom. 

**Mom** : headed there left a pot of coffee on for u. Luv u. 

Gerard sent her a quick message back, thanking her and telling her he had just left, Mikey still asleep. 

He stood by the elevators, his ears trying to find Frank’s voice amongst the morning frenzy. 

The doors opened and he let the others waiting with him, step in first. 

He let his eyes scan over the 9th floor hallway one more time, as the door closed. He checked his phone again. Still nothing. He tried to act like it wasn’t bothering him, but a disappointing feeling started to move into his chest. The doors opened to the ground floor and he headed to the huge entrance. He was hit with the bright early light from the sun, feeling as he if had been momentarily blinded. He used muscle memory as he moved toward the bench he had sat on his first morning back in Jersey. Trying his best to weave his way through the zombie eyed hospital workers heading in to start their day. 

As he got closer, he could see someone sitting on the bench. A brown haired man, dressed in navy scrubs, flashes of color and black ink along his skin. 

_Frank_. 

He felt his stomach lurch, relief that he hadn’t left. 

Frank looked up at him, his hand holding his phone to his ear. He smiled brightly at Gerard and waved him over. As Gerard got closer, he could hear parts of Frank’s conversation. He was laughing a lot and mentioning something that sounded like Madison Square Garden. When Gerard was close enough, Frank looked up at him again, holding up his index finger. Gerard settled against the exterior of the hospital, the roughness of the brick clinging to his clothes. 

“Yeah, dude. I can’t wait either. Okay. Yeah. I gotta go. I’ll see you tonight. Right.” Another laugh. “I love you too.” 

He ended the call and jumped up, shoving his hands into his jacket pockets. 

“Sorry, Gerard.” His arm bumping against Gerard’s. “I had to take that and I can never hear anything clearly when I’m up there.” His head nodding back up to Mikey’s floor. 

“It’s cool.” Gerard’s face straight. 

Frank smiled at him, “Can I drive you home?” 

“You didn’t get my text?” 

Frank’s face scrunched as he withdrew his phone and looked at the screen.

“Yes, that’s okay to assume.” He pocketed the device and smiled, turning towards the parking garage. 

“So who was that anyway?” Gerard asked, as they climbed the stairs. 

“Oh, just by friend Tucker. You’ll meet him tonight.” 

_Tonight_? 

“Oh.” 

Frank stopped on the stairwell, turning towards Gerard. 

“You okay?”

“Me? Yeah, no I’m fine. Just wasn’t aware other people were going to be involved and that might have been a nice heads up.” 

Frank looked at him, a smirk appearing. 

“Oh, so you thought this was like a date?”

Gerard knew he was just teasing, like usual, but the annoyance in his chest began to build again. 

“Jesus, Frank.” He brushed past him, continuing up the stairs “No. Not like a fucking date. Just, I’ve got a lot going on right now and I didn’t realize I had agreed to social hour at the local watering hole.” 

“Gerard.” He could hear Frank’s footsteps pick up speed behind him. “Hey, come on. It’s not like that. I promise.” He could hear Frank’s voice growing worried. “Gerard, I’m sorry. I guess I should have mentioned a couple people I know were going to be there.”

Gerard stopped, a heavy sigh escaping his lips.

“Frank, no, I’m sorry. I’m just super tired. I just want to get home.” 

Frank nodded his head, his face looked as if he had just witnessed someone kicking a puppy. 

Gerard felt immediately like an ass. 

He hated how easily one look from Frank could have him feeling completely defenseless. 

“Aw, Frank. Come on. Don’t look at me like that, it’s not fair.” Gerard pinched the bridge of his nose. “I’m just tired and when you make that face I-“

Frank’s expression changed instantly, “You what?” His eyes challenging again.

“I just can’t think straight.” Gerard glared at him. 

His smile grew, his teeth exposed in a lopsided grin. 

“I wasn’t aware I was making a certain face.” 

“Well you were. Now, come on.” 

They walked up the last two floors of the garage and piled into Frank’s car. 

He inserted the key in the ignition, but hesitated at turning it. 

“Can you show me?”

Gerard blinked at him. “Show you what?” 

“The face I made. I might want to use it more often.” 

Gerard tried to suppress his laugh, but when Frank was gazing at him with his messy hair and big tired hazel eyes, saying some cheesy shit like that, well, it was just about impossible. 

Frank turned the key, his car roaring to life against the skyline. Wisps of pink and orange streaks entwined against clouds behind him and Gerard found himself staring in awe. Of all the things that had happened the past few days, Frank was one of the biggest positives. Gerard settled into his seat, listening to Frank sing along to the music coming from the car’s speakers. The excitement for the evening building within him. Boundaries were meant to be broken anyway, right? 

* * *

He stood in front of his bathroom mirror, freshly showered and dressed in a black long sleeved shirt, a thin scarf around his neck. His hair was bright white and he had even gone so far as to apply a small smudge of eyeliner, making his hazel eyes look more green and eyelashes more pronounced under the fluorescent lights of his bathroom. 

He looked good, he admitted to himself. The dark circles under his eyes had almost completely faded, his skin smooth and still carrying the now fading tan from the Los Angeles sun. 

He heard his phone ding, breaking his trance from staring at his reflection. 

He walked back over to his bed and grabbed his phone from his bedside table. 

**Mikey** : Have fun tonight, dude. Try not to think so hard about everything. 

Gerard felt the nervousness in his stomach slightly subside. Now that Mikey kind of knew of his “relationship” with Frank, even if he didn’t have all the details, it made Gerard feel less like an asshole. 

He text back a heart and told himto call him if he ended up needing him. 

**Mikey** : Probably wont. Kristin picked up a night shift. :)

Gerard laughed silently to himself. It also made things easier knowing Mikey had his own thing to worry about. It had to be way worse for the actual patient to get involved with hospital staff, right? If Mikey wasn’t worried about the consequences, maybe Gerard shouldn’t either. Besides, Mikey wasn’t going to be in the hospital forever. _Hopefully_. 

Another text message, this time from Frank. 

**Frank** : Heading your way! 

Gerard smiled and grabbed his wallet, the slight jumpiness in his stomach returning. 

He walked up the basement stairs. The house lights were off. A sign his mom had gone to sleep, which was a good thing. Gerard was fine with Mikey knowing of his evening with Frank, but Donna finding out was probably the furthest thing from a good idea. 

He grabbed his leather jacket, checking to make sure his pack of cigarettes were in the pocket. He would be needing those, that was for sure. He closed the front door quietly behind him, waiting to make sure he didn’t hear Donna wake up to check on him. He moved down the cracked cement stairs of the front porch and moved to the end of the driveway. He let out another small laugh, reliving memories of his high school days of sneaking out of this very house to go do ungodly things with his friends. Here he was at 29, that same sense of nervousness about getting caught riddling through his body. 

He saw the headlights turn down the street and his excitement returned. _Whatever happens tonight, just go with it._ Gerard gave himself a small mental peptalk. _No restrictions tonight_. 

Frank slowed the car, rolling the window down and peering over at Gerard. 

“What are your prices?” A smile on his face.

Gerard leaned over the car door, his arms resting over the frame. 

“Oh, honey. You couldn’t afford my prices.” He let the words dance out smoothly. 

Frank laughed, shaking his head. He hit the unlock button allowing Gerard to climb in. 

“So, where are we going anyway?” Gerard asked, breaking his formally seductive character. 

“It’s nowhere fancy. I don’t know what kind of bars you’re used to out there in Hollywood.” Frank started off down the street. “But it’ll be a good time. Promise.” His face lit up with excitement as his eyes stayed focused on the dark road. 

Frank cranked the volume on the audio, the sound of the Misfit’s interrupting the quiet night sky. 

They drove for awhile, Frank weaving through the streets and other traffic around them, most definitely not going the speed limit. The jokes of Gerard’s driving the other day no longer holding any merit. 

They finally pulled up in front of a rough looking bar. Loud music emitting from the thick brick walls. A brightly lit blue and yellow sign reading “1984” hung above the door. 

“Huh, like the book?” Gerard asked. 

“Maybe. Or maybe the song.” Frank answered, pulling into a parallel parking spot across the street. 

Gerard wasn’t aware there was a song with that title but he nodded anyway. 

“You ready?!” Frank smiled over at him, eager energy pouring through his eyes. 

Gerard returned the smile and a single nod while placing his hand on the door handle. Frank cut the cars engine, them both stepping out into the cold night air. 

Gerard started to step towards the closed doors of the beat up building in front of them when the sound of Frank getting something out of his trunk caused him to look back.

_A guitar case_?

“Uh?” Gerard shot Frank a puzzled look. 

Frank’s smile grew. He closed the trunk door and walked towards Gerard. The street light behind them allowing him to get his first decent look of Frank that night. His hair was styled but somehow still achieving the uncombed look and hanging around his face. He had a tee shirt on, Gerard could make out the words “Born to Sin” in white lettering etched across the top, the black and gray flannel over it cutting off the rest of the design. He wore a different leather jacket than he had been wearing the previous days. Colorful button pins decorated the collar and the jacket’s silver buttons and zipper shined under the streetlight. His black tight jeans were ripped at the knees, exposing more colorful tattoos on the skin. His hands were decorated in multiple silver rings and his right hand carried the guitar case so naturally beside him, it was as if it were an extension of his being, like it had been with him the entire time and Gerard had just now noticed. He looked like he belonged on the cover of a rock magazine. 

“I’m full of all kinds of surprises, Gerard Way.” He retorted, now standing directly in front of him. 

Gerard felt the hunger building back up in his throat. 

“Apparently so.” Gerard’s voice cracking from the sudden dryness. 

“Come on. We’re gonna be late.” He nudged Gerard with the guitar case and started heading towards the front. 

He opened the door to the bar for Gerard. The smell of alcohol, cigarettes and sweat hitting him instantly. Frank weaved ahead of him, leading him down the dimly lit hallway. The bouncer looked up as he saw the men approaching. He smiled as his eyes fell on Frank, his hand held up for a high five.

“Frank! Was wondering when you were going to show up.” 

“Ah, Worm. You know I can’t stay away from this place for too long.” Frank bounced on the ball of his shoes, Gerard noticed it was in tune with the live music pouring from the room next to them. 

“This is my friend, Gerard.” Gerard’s attention snapped back up to the two men now looking at him. He held up a shy hand at the bouncer. 

“Hey, man.” Cringing at how weak it sounded coming out. Gerard was no stranger to dingy bars, but he couldn’t help but feel like he was somewhat out of his element here. 

The bouncer, Worm, pulled the black curtain covering the entry into the main bar room. Frank smiled at Gerard and nodded towards it. 

“You boys have fun.” Worm sang out behind them. 

Gerard’s eyes scanned over the layout of the room. A huge wooden bar was along the side wall to the left. Brightly colored bottles of liquor decorated the shelves behind it. There were tables throughout the space, a couple of torn couches against the back wall. A stage accompanying a few musicians stood directly ahead of them. To the side of the stage another long hallway with the words “Toilets” and “Patio” graffitied above it. Gerard felt Frank’s hand on his wrist, pulling him towards the bar. He leaned over the top of the peeling wooden surface, bringing forth a bottle marked “Holy Water” and retrieving two clean shot glasses. 

“Frank, what are you doing? You’re gonna get us kicked out.” 

Frank smiled at him and poured the brown liquid into the two small glasses. He placed the bottle on the bar, pushing a glass towards Gerard. He grabbed his and raised it slightly, eyeing Gerard. 

Gerard picked his up, feeling kind of silly at Frank’s formality. 

“To terrible moments leading to better ones.” Frank’s eyes danced over Gerard’s face, before throwing the shot down his throat. Gerard smiled, following suit. 

“Oh, fuck. Whiskey.” 

His face turned sour, the cough igniting the burn in his throat. It had been ages since he had a taste of whiskey. And this was an intense one to take right out of the gate. 

Frank laughed at him and poured himself another, tilting the bottle towards Gerard, offering him a refill as well. 

Gerard slid his glass towards Frank. Their eyes locked. Gerard brought the glass back to his lips, allowing it to flow down his throat. The second shot went down smoother. The heat of the liquid settling into his chest and stomach. 

The band on stage finished playing a song and then thanked the crowd. 

Frank’s eyebrow raised. Drank his shot of whiskey quickly, slamming the glass down, and grabbing the guitar case he had sat on the floor by his feet. 

“I gotta go.” He leaned towards Gerard’s ear. His breath falling against his neck, creating goosebumps across his arms and legs. 

“Go where?” Gerard turned his head towards Frank’s, their faces inches apart. 

Frank smiled at him before squeezing his wrist and walking towards the hallway off to the side of the stage. 

Gerard took a seat on one of the beat up leather stools. The liquor in his body, heating up every inch of him. 

“Holy fucking shit!” 

Gerard followed the voice. The man behind the bar stood facing his direction, a toothy grin showing against the dim lights. “Gerard Arthur Way.” 

“Bert?!” Gerard knew the voice, knew the smile. But the man in front of him looked nothing like the one from his memories. 

The bartender walked over to where Gerard was sitting. His toned arms exposed through a white cut off shirt, his hair blonde and short. 

“Wow. Bert McCracken. What’s up, man?!” Gerard leaned over the bartop, allowing Bert to wrap his arms around him in an uncoordinated sloppy hug. 

“Oh you know, living the dream in Jersey!” Bert held his arms out, showing off his surroundings. 

“Wait,” Gerard stunned “ _this_ is yours?” 

Bert smiled, nodding his head. “Yeah, man.” He looked proud. 

Suddenly the beat up exterior and interior made sense. It was meant to look like this. Bert loved dungy bars. 

“What brings you back? Last I heard you had high tailed it to live amongst the stars?” Bert shot him a questioning look, eyebrow raised. 

“Yeah” Gerard’s hand instinctively moved through his short hair, “Mikey ended back up in the hospital.” 

Bert’s fell face, no stranger to Mikey’s ongoing medical mystery. He had grown up with them, watched Gerard take care of his brother when they were teens and into early adulthood. 

“That sucks. He okay?” Bert’s face read a look of genuine concern.

“Yeah, yeah I think he will be.” Gerard smiled at him. “He’s been getting great care.” 

“That’s awesome.” Bert nodded, his hands gripping the edge of the bar. “So how’d you find this five star establishment and what are you drinking?” 

Gerard ordered just a beer and continued on about how his friend Frank had brought him here. 

“Wait” Bert laughed out, while popping the top off a Budweiser and sliding it to Gerard. “Frank _Iero_? He brought you here?” 

Gerard took a sip from the bottle, the cold liquid a stark contrast to the heat the shots of whiskey had left behind. 

“I uh-“ Gerard paused, realizing he didn’t know Frank’s last name. “I guess?” 

Bert laughed out from behind the bar. 

“What’s so funny?” Gerard’s tone sharp. 

He heard a noise coming from the stage and started to turn around, Bert pulling his attention back to him.

“Oh nothing.” He smiled shaking his head. “Just leave it to Frank Iero to drag my ex into my bar.” 

Gerard’s eyebrows furrowed. 

“First off,” Gerard started “we didn’t date, Bert. And secondly, it’s not like that.” Gerard felt the lie sting in his throat. 

Bert let out another laugh. “Always lying to yourself, Gee.” He looked at Gerard, his eyes playful. “Plus, does he know that?” 

“Know what?” 

“That it’s not like _that_?” 

Gerard took another drink from his beer. “I’m sure he does.” 

Bert leaned over, wrapping his hand around Gerard’s shoulder and softly pulling him towards him over the bar. His mouth inches away from Gerard’s ear. 

“Then why is he shooting daggers at me right now?” Bert released his hold on Gerard’s shoulder, laughing as Gerard’s head whipped around, searching for Frank’s face in the crowd of people behind him. 

Only, he wasn’t in the crowd. He was standing front and center on the stage. An electric guitar hanging off his body and a microphone on a stand in front of him. 

His gaze settled on Gerard, his expression shifting from an intense glare to a look of worry. 

Gerard felt his cheeks raise in a big smile, his eyes probably bugging out of his head. 

Seeing Frank on stage, guitar in hand, was not something he had mentally prepared himself for tonight. 

Frank read his look and smirked at him, stepping towards the microphone. His voice came out strong and demanding. 

“Hey, we’re Frank Iero and the Future Violents. We’re gonna play you guys some songs. Sing along if you know the words. Your voices make mine sound better.” He stepped away from the microphone, smiling at his own joke. He looked around at the rest of the people on the stage, nodding his head. 

Suddenly, notes from a keyboard filled the room, drums and guitar joining in, intensifying the tempo. Frank stepped back towards the microphone. His voice carrying out towards the crowd. Gerard grabbed his beer, turning his entire body towards the stage. 

He watched as the man he thought he knew screamed into the microphone. It was like witnessing a completely different person. There was nurse Frank and then, this Frank. Gerard thought nurse Frank was hot, but as his eyes ran over this Frank, he realized he had no idea what that word meant. The way his hands moved across the neck of the guitar effortlessly, and how his eyebrows scrunched together as the lyrics poured out, his mouth occasionally bumping against the microphone. 

Gerard was transfixed. He didn’t even notice as he left his seat at the bar, moving mindlessly towards the front of the stage. Not even the people singing along to Frank’s lyrics, bumping against him, could pull Gerard’s eyes from Frank. 

Frank found him moving through the crowd, their eyes locking. Frank sang into the mic, his gaze tied on Gerard, as if he were singing to him specifically. 

Gerard reached the front of the stage, directly in front of Frank. He watched as the stage lights danced off the metal frets of his guitar and the rings on his fingers. 

His body filling with desire, moving through his veins, leaving trails of heat under his skin. 

He watched as Frank played through his set, the sweat glistening on his face and neck. 

Gerard’s body was vibrating, a slight feeling of intoxication from both the alcohol and Frank’s performance. When Frank wrapped up the final song, he thanked the crowd and shot a wink at Gerard, that went straight to his stomach and down to his dick. 

If there had been any hope of Gerard playing it cool tonight, that idea was now thrown out the window. He wanted Frank now. He needed his hands on him. 

Frank took a second from gathering up the things on stage to look back at Gerard. He walked over and kneeled in front of him, close enough Gerard could feel how hot his body was, could smell the sweat trickling through his hair. He licked his lips. 

“Meet me back at the bar, yeah?” 

Gerard nodded his head, unable to form a coherent verbalization. 

Frank smiled and stood up, moving back to grabbing his things on stage. 

Gerard pulled himself from his lust filled thoughts and moved back towards the empty seat he had left at the bar. 

Bert came back over, drying a shot glass with a white rag. 

“Your previous comment still stand?” He asked, slyly. 

Gerard shot him a glance before reaching over the bar, grabbing the bottle of whiskey Frank had placed back. He twisted the lid off and began to bring it to his mouth. 

“Jesus, Gerard. Don’t be an animal.” Bert placed the clean shot glass down in front of him, a mocking look on his face. 

Gerard felt his eyes roll, unintentionally, and poured himself another shot. He picked the shot glass up, bracing for the heat to hit his throat. He swallowed the drink, his head going fuzzy. He poured another one, for when Frank returned. He put the lid back on the bottle and pulled out his phone, checking to make sure he hadn’t missed any important texts or calls from Mikey during Frank’s show. 

There were none. A good sign. 

He placed the phone on the bar, looking towards the darkened hallway, waiting to see Frank’s face emerge. 

He was jumping with anticipation, his fingers tapping against his thighs. He pulled his pack of cigarettes out, bringing one to his lips. 

“Dude, you gotta take it outside.” Bert motioned to the “No Smoking” sign hanging behind him. 

_Wow, he had changed_. 

Gerard’s face filled with a slight mocking irritation as he debated on waiting for Frank before heading to the back patio. 

If he didn’t smoke soon, he felt like he was going to jump out of his skin.

“Hey, tell Frank I went out back.” Gerard said to Bert, his cigarette hanging loosely between his lips.

Bert nodded. Gerard stood up, gathering his pack of cigarettes and phone from the bar counter. 

“Hey, you gonna take that?” Bert looked down at the shot glass Gerard had poured for Frank. 

He wouldn’t know it was his if Gerard wasn’t here to tell him. Gerard shrugged his shoulders, as if he had reasoned with himself to take the waiting shot. He picked up the glass, one more wouldn’t hurt him, right? The last thing he wanted to do was end the night blacked out and Frank having to take care of him. He knew his body wasn’t completely impervious to alcohol, although he was no light weight. He hesitated before bringing the shot glass up to his mouth. He closed his eyes, tilting his head back and opening his throat for the liquid to flow down. 

He sent a small smile to Bert, who watched as he placed the shot glass on the counter, and headed towards the dark hallway. 

It took a second for his eyes to adjust to the dark, the only light seeming to come from the light peaking underneath the doors of the bathrooms. There was another door, Gerard noticed, as he passed by it, marked for authorized people only. _Probably where Frank was_. He pushed against the glass door leading outside, the cold air hitting his face and making him slightly recoil. 

His arms tightened around his body, the thin scarf not providing any extra warmth. 

The patio was nothing special. Some beat up picnic tables etched in scribbles from past bar patrons. Lantern lights hung from the wooden beams above, providing just enough light to see the floor below so you wouldn’t trip. Gerard spotted a vacant table in the back. He headed towards it, withdrawing his lighter from his back pocket. He sat on the top of the table, his shoes resting on the bench. He lit the cigarette, the nicotine mixing with the alcohol in his blood nicely. He watched as the other people on the patio mingled, the buzz from the show still coursing around them as they laughed and hung off one another drunkenly. 

The back door opened, and Frank stepped out. A couple people clapped and whistled at him, as he did a fake bow and thanked them. His eyes settled on Gerard in the back and moved towards him. Gerard saw the bottle marked “Holy Water” wrapped around his fingers. 

“I don’t remember saying to meet me back here?” Frank asked sarcastically, taking a seat next to Gerard. 

“You didn’t, but I needed a smoke.” Gerard held the half smoked cigarette up as if it were proof. 

Frank laughed and wrapped his fingersaround the filter and pulled it gently from Gerard’s grip, bringing it to his lips and allowing himself to take a slow drag.

Gerard looked at him, confused.

“What happened to Mr. You-know-these-are-bad-for-you-right?” He asked, quizzically. 

Frank smiled. “They are bad for you.” 

“You don’t have to smoke just because you think I’ll think it’s cool or something.” Gerard remarked. 

Frank laughed. “Nah, I smoke. A lot actually. I just dont smoke on days when I work. I don’t like walking into the hospital smelling like cigarettes.” He flicked the ash off and brought it resting between his lips, unscrewing the bottle top with his free hand.

“I don’t like the way people look at me. You know, kind of like the way you’re looking at me right now.” 

Gerard tried to change his facial expression, not meaning to give off a bad one. 

“Sorry, it’s just. You don’t seem the type to care what people would think of you.” 

Frank nodded. “I’m not. But it’s different when it comes to my job. First, I’m a guy that works in a female led industry. I’m covered in tattoos and cuss too much. Add in me smelling like an ashtray, very few people would take me seriously.” 

Gerard nodded, sadly agreeing. 

“Plus, it’s like a little test to myself. See how many days I can go without it. And then I reward myself with smokes on my days off.” 

Gerard laughed, taking the cigarette back from Frank. 

“You’re a better person than me, Frank Iero.” 

Frank smiled and brought the bottle to his lips, taking a small swig. 

Gerard watched as the corners of Frank’s lips seemed to moisten from the liquid meeting his mouth. 

“So, when were you going to tell me you play guitar and sing in a band?” He raised an eyebrow at Frank.

“When the time felt right.” He swung his legs lazily over the edge of the table. “Guess that was tonight.” He peeked over at Gerard, the look of playfulness returning to his eyes. 

“You should lead with that next time.” Gerard pointed out. “Probably would have got me alone with you a lot quicker.” He threw the butt of the cigarette into the ashtray on the table. 

He could feel Frank’s eyes fall on him. 

Gerard didn’t turn to look at him though, instead he titled his head back and looked up at the night sky, the clouds a soft gray from the moonlight and the tiny dots of stars filling the blank spaces. 

Frank shifted a little beside him, moving nonchalantly closer to Gerard. 

“So you have a thing for musicians.” He took another drink, the liquid inside crashing against the glass enclosing.

Gerard closed his eyes, his head starting to swim. 

“I mean, not necessarily.” He focused on his words. “I just like watching people share their art. To me, music is a form of art. Instead of using colors and brush strokes, you’re using words and chords.” Frank said nothing, his thumb running against the corner of the sticker on the bottle. 

“You’re still conveying your emotions, exposing all of that to a group of strangers. You don’t have art galleries, you have a stage and a crowd. That’s attractive to me, yes.” 

Gerard opened his eyes, focusing them on Frank’s thumb picking at the fraying sticker. 

The bottle was between his legs, the holes in his knees stretching around the tattooed skin of his knees. Gerard’s mouth went dry again. The heat he felt watching Frank on stage returning to his body. He reached over, placing a hand on Frank’s fidgeting fingers, the noise from him repeatedly plucking at the sticker was driving him insane. 

Frank jumped a little, but didn’t pull his hand out from under Gerard’s. 

It felt like he was shaking. 

“Are you cold?” Gerard asked, quietly between them. 

“No.” Frank answered, short but intently. 

Gerard shook his head, understanding what he meant. 

“Wanna see the dressing room?” Frank turned his hand upwards, moving his fingers around Gerard’s. 

Gerard swallowed, feeling his dick starting to slightly harden. 

“Yeah, Frank.” 

Frank stood up, his hand tightening around Gerard’s as he led him through the last of the patio dwellers back into the dark hallway of the bar. The loud music adding to the vibrations between them. He stopped at the door marked for authorized personnel, releasing Gerard’s hand to turn the door knob. He pushed the door open slightly and peeked inside, making sure it was empty. 

He opened it the rest of the way, allowing Gerard to step through as he followed, closing and locking the door behind them. 

There was a small table with a mirror sitting on top of it against one of the walls, a small refrigerator and a beat up couch on the other side. Extra amps and chords were thrown together in a corner. The walls were decorated with band fliers and posters, some in better shape than others. He heard Frank set the bottle of liquor on the small desk and remove his jacket, tossing it onto a metal chair by the desk. He leaned against the wall, his eyes burning on Gerard. 

Gerard took a step closer to the wall, looking at the bands that had played here throughout the years. He was kind of amazed at the company Frank had shared a stage with. 

He laughed. 

“Leave it to Bert to own a successful nasty ass bar in the middle of Belleville.” 

“You know Bert?” Frank asked from across the room. 

Gerard turned to look at him. “Yeah, I mean. When I was younger.” His fingers trailed over the rough arm of the couch. 

Frank shifted against the wall. 

“Know him, _how_?”

Gerard heard a touch of jealousy in his voice.

He smiled at Frank, stepping closer to him. 

“Kind of grew up with him. Met him as a junior in high school.” 

Frank’s eyes burned into him as he got closer. 

“We used to be super close. But his drug use wasn’t really something I was interested in having over my head. Mikey was sick back then, too.” 

Frank nodded. “He’s sober now. Has been for awhile.” 

Gerard stopped in front of him, his eyes running over Frank’s body. “That’s good. He looks better. Healthier. Happier.” 

He watched as Frank’s jaw tensed. “Yeah. I’m proud of him.” He swallowed. “I think he might still be interested. If you are.” 

Gerard laughed. “No, Frankie.” Shaking his head, his hand landing on the belt around Frank’s waist. 

“I’m not interested in Bert.” 

Frank let out a small groan, his hand wrapping around the thin scarf hanging around Gerard’s neck, pulling Gerard’s face against his. His lips were hard and hot. His tongue tasting of whiskey and a touch of the cigarette. Gerard reciprocated the hungry kiss, leaning his body against Frank’s. His hands moved to Frank’s hair, his fingers running through the dampened strainds and gripping. Frank’s hands moved around Gerard’s waist, pulling him in deeper. Their erections rubbing against one another, causing both of their breath to catch. Gerard pulled away, needing to breathe. Frank’s lips were red and plumped, evidence of their kiss. His face was flushed, his eyes aflame with a deep hunger. 

Gerard ran his hand down Frank’s head, his fingers trailing down his neck and chest. He gripped the bottom of his shirt and pulled, Frank’s arms shooting upwards, allowing Gerard to remove the shirt completely. 

Gerard could look at Frank like this for hours and never get tired. His eyes intense, his lips wanting his, his hair disheveled from Gerard’s hands and the removal of his own shirt. The tattoos brightly painted across his chest and stomach. Leading down and disappearing beneath his jeans. Gerard licked his lips and brought them to Frank’s neck, who eagerly tilted his head back exposing more skin for Gerard. 

“Why is this tattoo backwards?” He asked, his finger tracing the “let love in” sprawled under Frank’s throat. 

Frank inhaled, steadying his breath. 

“It’s for me. So I can read it when I look in a mirror.”

Gerard stopped, taking a small step back. 

The image of Frank thinking he was unloveable or unworthy of it tearing at his heart. 

“Frank.” He whispered. 

Frank’s eyes shot open, looking directly into Gerard’s. The look of hunger replaced with desperation. 

It was almost too much for Gerard to handle. His lips crashed back onto Frank’s, his hands pushing them away from the wall close to the door. Gerard wrapped his arms around Frank, walking them backwards until his legs bumped against the couch. He sat down, breaking the connection between their lips. He looked up at Frank, whose hand ran across Gerard’s face, his thumb resting against his bottom lip.

“You’re so fucking pretty, Gerard.” He spoke out softly, his voice un-breaking. Gerard returned his hands to Frank’s belt, undoing the buckle and letting it hang down against his thighs. 

He eyed Frank, wanting permission to continue.

Frank bit his lip and shook his head once. 

Gerard moved his fingers to the button, popping it open. He drew the zipper down. His hands pressed to Frank’s hips, pushing the denim and soft cotton of Frank’s boxers down in one fluid movement. 

Frank stood infront of him, completely exposed. Gerard’s eyes, although fuzzy from the alcohol flowing through his body, drank him in. 

Frank’s cock stood completely erect, making Gerard moan.

“Do you want me, Frank?” 

Frank’s hands were shaking against Gerard’s shoulders, trying to keep him upright.

“Yes.” His voice cracking. “So fucking much.”

Gerard leaned in, his lips brushing against the head and his index finger tracing alongside the length of him. 

He felt Frank’s body shudder. He smiled before parting his lips and pushing his mouth down onto him. 

Frank moaned, his fingers instantly digging into the flesh of Gerard’s shoulders. He kept moving his mouth around Frank’s cock, taking him in further. He didn’t like to brag, but giving blowjobs was one thing he did exceptionally well. The result of having a nonexistent gag reflex. 

He moved his tongue against Frank, massaging slightly as his warm mouth surrounded him. 

Frank stood above him, praising him in between panting. His hips slowly rocking with the rhythm of Gerard’s mouth. Gerard’s hands cupped Frank’s balls, his finger’s playing with them, squeezing, as he continued to suck Frank off. Gerard’s mouth vibrated against Frank’s sensitive skin as he moaned around him. He loved the taste of him. The saltiness from the sweat and pre cum mixed with Gerard’s saliva. Making him thirsty for more. 

“Frank.” He moved his mouth off of him, and looked up. Frank met him, his eyes filled with worry, like Gerard was already regretting it. 

“You don’t have to be so gentle.” Gerard smiled up at him, returning his lips to Frank’s erection. Frank hesitated for a second, like he hadn’t quite heard what he had said. Then, his hip thrusts became more noticeable, harder. Moving into Gerard’s throat, making them both moan. Gerard’s hands gripped onto Frank’s ass, pushing him in even deeper. 

Frank’s breathing was labored and uneven, mixed with moans, quiet fuck’s and Gerard’s own name. 

“Gerard.” Frank breathed out, his hand’s moving to Gerard’s hair. “I’m going to cum, babe.” 

Gerard moaned eagerly, his lips still stretched around Frank’s dick. 

“Oh, fuck.” Frank’s fingers pulled around the short length of hair, realizing Gerard had no intention of stopping. Gerard moved his lips to just the head of Frank, using a hand to start pumping him. He could feel Frank’s body tense up, could hear as he kept holding his breath, getting closer. Gerard didn’t slow down until he felt the cum hit his tongue and the wall of his throat. He pulled off of him, making eye contact with Frank as be swallowed him. 

“Holy fuck.” Frank breathed out, moving his face down to Gerard’s, his lips hitting his. He leaned Gerard back against the couch, simultaneously kicking out of his shoes and the pants around his ankles. Frank, now free from restrictions, moved so he was straddling Gerard’s lap. Frank’s tongue moved against his, moaning at the taste of himself in Gerard’s mouth. 

Gerard realized how hard he was, his cock pushing violently against his jeans. He wrapped his arms around Frank, rolling him, so that Gerard was leaning over him, Frank’s back against the couch and his legs against Gerard’s hips. 

Gerard unbuttoned his jeans and undid his zipper, pulling his pants just down far enough to let his boner escape. Frank’s eyes went wide at the sight of him, his tongue running against his lower lip.

Gerard leaned down on him, feeling his dick press against Frank. He moaned, just now realizing how sensitive he had become. He kissed Frank again as he pulled his wallet out from the back pocket now against his thighs. He forced himself away from their kiss and searched the contents inside. 

He smiled as he withdrew a condom, holding it between his index and middle finger. 

“I don’t have lube though.” He eyed Frank, realizing this would be a pretty painful experience as their first time. 

Frank smiled and sat up, face inches away from Gerard’s. He thought he was going to kiss him until he saw that his hand was under the middle cushion they were laying on. He pulled out a small bottle of lube and another condom.

Gerard eyed him, intrigued. 

Frank shrugged. “I was kind of hoping this would happen. That’s why it took me so long to get back out to you. Had to wait for everyone to leave so I could hide these under there.” A blush danced across the apples of his cheeks. 

Gerard made a tsk tsk nose with his tongue against his front teeth.

“Seems a little presumptuous, Frankie.” 

Frank nodded, smiling. “Oh, yeah. It totally was.” 

Gerard laughed and leaned him back down, his teeth grazing against his neck. He felt Frank relax under him, so he sat up, popping the lid of the lube open and pouring some onto his index finger and rubbing in along Frank’s hole. He slid his first finger in, feeling Frank stretch around him. He gave his finger a couple of turns before adding the second, and then a third. The entire time his fingers worked at opening Frank up, Gerard watched his face. Looking for the slightest bit of discomfort, and finding none. Frank’s head tilted against the arm of the couch, his eyes closed and his mouth hanging open in a lax “O”. His bruising lips framing his mouth perfectly. Gerard removed his fingers and opened the condom, while repositioning himself between Frank’s legs. He rolled the condom down over himself, watching Frank as he stroked up and down, rubbing more lube around the condom. Gerard leaned in for another kiss, a soft one this time, as he lined himself up against Frank. Gerard moved his lips to Frank’s ear, a small bite on his lobe.

“Ready?” 

Frank didn’t give a verbalized answer, onlyshaking his head and closing his eyes again. 

Gerard pushed into him. 

His warmth and tightness sending chills over Gerard’s body. He moved in slowly, allowing him to feel every inch of Frank. 

Frank let out small gasps as Gerard went deeper, his legs switching between clinging to Gerard and spreading out further. 

Once Gerard bottomed out, he let their breathing slow, before starting small thrusts. Frank’s mouth hung open again, his throat tight with the deep moan building within it. 

“Frankie, let me hear you.”

Gerard could still hear the loud music being played on the other side of the door and knew they would be safe from people passing the room and hearing them.

As if he had just been waiting for permission, Frank let out a long moan and started pushing himself against Gerard.

He was so hot like this. Underneath him, wanting it. Taking him in full. His moans of pleasure mixing with the bass from the speakers outside. Gerard’s speed increased, quick powerful thrusts sending Frank into a shaking mess beneath him. He watched as Frank’s cock began to harden again and wrapped a free hand around him. He tried to match his stroke to his thrusts, but the feeling was overwhelming, Frank was so tight and warm, Gerard was a mess. 

Frank’s arms flew above him, his hands digging into the couch arm. 

He began begging Gerard to keep going. 

Gerard had no intention of stopping. 

God, Frank was so pretty. So perfect. 

Gerard hit his spot, driving into him, making Frank’s body tense around him. 

“You’re perfect, Frankie.” Gerard pushed in fast, wanting to be as deep inside of him as possible, wanting to feel all of him. 

“So fucking perfect.” 

Frank’s kept up with Gerard’s rhythm, his pelvis pushing down with every thrust, as if he needed to be closer too. The connection, the want for it to be deeper from both participants, sent electricity through Gerard’s body. A warmth so intense, he felt like he couldn’t breathe from it. Choking him, in the best way. 

“Fuck, Gerard.” He moaned out as Gerard hit his spot over and over with force. 

“You fuck so good, baby.”

Gerard wasn’t sure if it was from the alcohol or from the state of euphoria his body was riding, but his head was spinning at the sound of Frank’s words. 

He felt his stomach tighten, his insides warming. 

Frank let out another moan, sending his cum shooting up onto his stomach. His body tense with his orgasm. 

Gerard watched as the splotches of white fell on Frank’s stomach and his own hand, sending him into his own orgasm. They rode out theirs together, their bodies electric against one another. When Gerard’s body finally finished shaking, he crashed down onto Frank. His head against his sweaty chest. Or maybe it was his sweat? He didn’t know, nor did he care. He had never experienced an orgasm like that before. Never felt one so intense, hitting every nerve throughout his body. 

“Damn.” He mumbled.

“Yeah.” Frank whispered, his breathing still labored. 

Gerard moved to pull out of Frank, causing him to jump.

“Ah, fuck.” 

Gerard laughed. “Sorry.”

Frank shot him a look and watched as Gerard pulled the condom off and tossed it into the trashcan a few feet away. 

Gerard settled back on Frank’s chest, his cheeks flushed from the alcohol and sex and lazily ran his fingers up Frank’s side.

“You gonna regret this in the morning? When you’re sobered up?” Frank spoke against Gerard’s head, leaving kisses in between words.

“Not a chance.” Gerard shot back up, smiling at him. 

Frank smiled back. “Good. Me neither.” 

They could hear Bert’s voice coming over the speakers, saying last call.

“Holy shit, it’s 2AM already?” 

Frank looked at his watch. 

“Close to it.” 

“I probably need to head back. I promised Mikey I’d be there when the doctor went over the procedure.” Gerard moved off Frank and the couch, pulling his boxers and jeans back up. 

Frank nodded his head, sitting up and grabbing for his clothes strewn on the floor along the couch. 

He stepped into his boxers, pulling them up. He felt a hand on his back and turned to see Gerard smiling at him. His arm wrapped around Frank’s waist and pulled him in for a deep kiss. 

“What was that for?” Frank gasped out when Gerard finally let him go. 

“Being ungodly annoying and getting me to come out with you tonight.” 

Frank smiled into Gerard’s neck. 

“Oh, it was my fucking pleasure.” 

Goosebumps mixed with heat washed over Gerard’s body again. 

“Come on, let’s get going before we end up back on the couch.” 

“What’s so wrong with that?!” Frank questioned, hope in his eyes. “I could go all night with you. I don’t think I’ll ever get enough of it.” 

Gerard laughed. “Easy. We’ve got all the time in the world for that.” 

He didn’t have to look at Frank to know he was smiling at his words and he would be lying if he said Frank was the only one doing so. _All the time in the world_. 


	9. Chapter 9

Gerard could handle a lot of things. He could handle annoying Los Angeles traffic, the swarm of fans at a comic con, the really irritating feeling he’d get when someone tried to push their political agenda on him. All of that was cake walk compared to waking up at 9AM that morning with the worse hangover he had ever experienced.

The sound of his alarm echoing in his room, jolting him awake from a deep sleep. At first he was so out of it, he didn’t even know what the noise was. Once it clicked in his head that it was his alarm, his ears had a terrible time pinpointing where in his room the noise was coming from. It sounded muffled, definitely not on his bedside table. Which meant he had to force himself to sit up. That was an entirely different challenge. The room spun with black staticky spots across his eyes and his stomach felt flipped, making him feel like he was going to hurl. His footsteps were staggered as he shuffled around the room looking for the high pitched sing song “Good Morning!”. He had picked the most obnoxious alarm tone for a reason. 

He finally found his phone in a heap of last nights clothes next to his bathroom door. His ears rang as he pushed the “stop” on the front screen. 

“Jesus Christ.” He groaned, leaning his head against the cold wall. “I’m never drinking again.” 

Drinking used to be so easy when he was younger. Drink an entire bottle of vodka to himself and he’d wake up feeling like a million bucks. Now, four shots and a beer felt crippling. 

He could smell the alcohol coming from his pores. He knew he smelled bad but with zero energy, nor time, to get into the shower, well Mikey and his mom were just going to have to suck it up. They were lucky he was awake for this at all. 

He walked into the bathroom, grabbing ahold of the counter. He steadied himself as he looked into the mirror. His eyes still red and his face blotchy. His hair sticking up completely on one side while the other laid flat. He turned the water on, letting it warm up, creating a rising wave of steam. His hands cupped the stream of running water and leaned his face into it. 

The water instantly warmed his eyes, making him feel more awake. It sent goosebumps down his arms as drops of water followed. He let his hands fill with another warm puddle and brought it to his face again, this time letting his wet hands move to the back of his neck. 

He stood up, rotating his neck to get the stiffness out of if. One thing was for sure, based on how stiff he was and the way his hair was standing, he hadn’t moved at all in his sleep. 

He kept his eyes closed, his neck rolling out the tension. The sounds of the running water faucet filling the tiny bathroom, as its steam clung to the mirror in front of him. 

He tried to remember all the events of the past few hours. He remembered Bert. He wished he had got his number. They had a lot of catching up to do. Maybe he would ask Frank for it. _Frank_. God. The way he looked, the way the stage lights had fallen onto his sweaty complexion. His voice capturing the attention of Gerard in a chokehold. Images of Frank on the back patio swarmed Gerard’s memory. The way the cigarette hung between his lips, his tattooed fingers against the bottle of whiskey. The way his hands were shaking when Gerard touched them. Frank leading him down the hall into the back room. The way he tasted and sounded.

Gerard’s head snapped up, his eyes as wide as his hangover would allow.

“Holy fuck. I had sex with Frank.” 

* * *

“You look like shit.” Mikey sat on the edge of his bed, his chest decorated in EKG stickers. 

Gerard kept his head low as he made his way to the cot in Mikey’s room, the florescent lights making his skull pound. 

“Thanks, you look great too.” 

“Mom went downstairs. Said she needed to make a phone call.” 

Gerard looked up at his brother. “Okay?” 

“Okay?!” Mikey stood up, walking briskly to the other side of his bed, so that he was face to face with Gerard. “ _Okay_ , so tell me what happened!” 

Gerard let out a groan. Mikey’s excited voice was hard to handle sober, let alone in this boozy haze. 

“Please, Mikey.” Gerard fell back onto the cot, making his head spin again. “Keep your voice low, dude.” 

Mikey kicked Gerard’s ankle lightly, “So tell me what happened.” His whisper came out sarcastic.

“Well. I got very drunk.” 

“Obviously.” Mikey chuckled, “you look like an extra for The Walking Dead.” 

Gerard raised his hand, his middle finger shooting in Mikey’s direction.

“Come on, Gee. Please. I’ve been in here for four days now. I’m loosing my mind! Let me live vicariously through you!” 

Gerard let out another groan, before propping himself up on his elbows. 

“Fine.” 

Mikey’s face lit up as he pulled his legs up, tucking them underneath him as if he were a child getting ready for their favorite story. 

Gerard felt his eyes roll. 

He told Mikey about the bar, about Bert and how Frank performed. He mentioned that he didn’t have that much to drink but was just probably reeling from how quickly he drank it, regretting not spacing his shots further apart. He told Mikey that he had fun and how cool Frank was, how all the people there adored him. How he had got home early this morning because it had been a really good time. He left out the part of him fucking his nurse, though, for obvious reasons. 

“Wow.” Mikey’s face seemed like he was off daydreaming. “So Frank play’s guitar, huh?” 

“Mhm.” Gerard answered, his stomach doing that weird spiral thing again. 

“Badass.” Mikey nodded, as if giving the image in his head approval. “I shoulda known.” 

“How so?” 

“His hands, dude.” Mikey rolled his eyes. “He’s got guitar player hands.” 

Gerard thought about the way Frank’s fingers had felt digging into his shoulders and running through his hair. It had felt good. _He_ had felt so good. 

“I’ve never felt them so, it was quite the surprise.” 

Gerard hoped his hangover was helping mask any sense of a lie and thankfully, Mikey seemed content with his summary of the night, as he stood up and walked to the bathroom in his room. 

“Ya know, Gee. If I liked men, I’d be drooling over Frank. I’m surprised you’re not more interested in him.” 

Gerard felt the heat rise up in his cheeks and tried to keep a straight face. 

“The only thing I’m interested in, is figuring out what’s wrong with you, Mikey.” He let his elbows give out underneath him, his head falling against the stiff pillow. His eyes raking over the ceiling tiles. “This place doesn’t smell the greatest you know. The quicker we fix you, the quicker I can go back to forgetting hospitals exist.” 

He waited for a reply from Mikey, expecting a sarcastic one. When he heard nothing, he turned his head lazily to the bathroom door. It was closed. 

“Wow. Rude.” 

Gerard laid there, letting his senses remember every detail from the night before. He wasn’t angry at himself and he sure as hell didn’t regret it. He had never felt anything close to what he had experienced with Frank. But shit, things were definitely more complicated. 

* * *

Gerard listened half-heartedly as the doctor came in and explained to the three of them the risks and benefits of the procedure. He felt that it was definitely the right direction to move, seeing as how Mikey’s chest x-ray had came back clear and he was still showing the symptoms he had mentioned to Frank. Donna nodded along, writing down everything the doctor said and interrupted when she had a question. She really was a caring mother. Gerard loved that about her. She left no stone unturned when it came to discussing Mikey’s health. She was blunt and Gerard knew she would spend hours tonight researching, just to make sure the doctor was being completely honest.

Mikey asked if he could have the next night to think about it and Donna nodded, agreeing that she would need to think about it, too. Even though Mikey was an adult and ultimately had the final decision, Gerard couldn’t help but laugh to himself at how much Donna loved being their mom. 

The doctor stood up, moving to the hand sanitizer dispenser on the wall. Gerard watched as the foam filled his palm. The smell of it hitting him and making his face go green. It smelled like vodka. He focused on his breathing, not wanting to cause a scene by throwing up every where. The doctor walked around, shaking all their hands, his eyebrow raised when he got to Gerard. 

“You okay?” He looked concerned.

Gerard bit back at the bile slowing rising in his stomach and opened his mouth to speak. 

“It’s probably all the procedure talk.” Donna waved him off, “He’s afraid of needles.” 

The doctor laughed and gave Donna his cellphone number in case she had any questions, _big mistake_ , and left the room. 

Gerard let out a large exhale and grabbed his mom’s styrofoam cup, letting the cold water fall down his throat. 

“Honestly, Gerard.” Donna laughed, shaking her head. “At least I don’t ever have to worry about you getting any tattoos. Like Mikey’s nurse. What’s his name, Fred?”

“You mean Frank.” Mikey corrected, climbing back against his pillows. 

“Yeah. That’s the one.” She waved her finger in the air, like she had just got a great idea. “He’d be so cute without all that on him.” 

Gerard could feel Mikey’s eyes on him but he didn’t return the gaze, he tilted the cup back against his lips and let the rest of the contents flow down. 

* * *

As Donna and Mikey discussed his next step, Gerard turned his attention to his emails, replying to a few about work and upcoming scheduled appearances. He toyed with the idea of sending Frank a text and was about to ask how he was doing when he heard Mikey begin to groan. 

“I want out of this bed. I want out of this _room_!” 

“Mikey, relax.”

“Please don’t tell me to relax.” His hands rubbing over his eyes. “You’ve been able to leave. You and Gerard both. I want to see something other than this goddamn room or the inside of the radiology wing.” 

Donna adjusted herself in the chair. Her face dropping to a sad expression. 

“Let me call your nurse. See what we can do.” 

Gerard felt himself tense up for second, relaxing as soon as he remembered Frank wasn’t working today.

Donna hit the call button on the side of Mikey’s bed and watched as his mom’s foot began taping nervously to the chime of the call light. 

A few seconds later, a woman appeared. One Gerard hadn’t seen before. 

“What can I do for you, Mikey?” She came to his bedside and leaned over, her eyes nervously scanning over him.

“Oh, he’s fine.” Donna interrupted, the nurses gaze shifting to her. 

“He’s just getting antsy and was wondering if I could take him outside?” 

The nurse looked back at Mikey before replying. 

“Well, he’s currently not hooked up to anything. I don’t see why not.” She smiled at him. “Let me get you a wheelchair, that’s my only condition.” 

Mikey returned the smile, nodding his head in agreement. 

The nurse left to fetch the chair and his mother walked to Mikey’s side, helping him button up the sleeves of his hospital gown. 

The nurse came back in, pushing the chair in front of her. 

“I just heard that there’s a little show down in the courtyard, if you’re interested in that?” Her voice was cheerful, as she helped Mikey to the chair. 

“Yeah, that sounds just fine.” Mikey turned to Gerard. “You coming?” 

The thought of escaping the smell of the hospital for some fresh air, even if he had to sit through a performance of a clown making balloon animals for sick kids, was all the motivation Gerard needed as he struggled to his feet. 

They rode down the elevator in silence, Mikey’s hands anxiously rubbing against his thighs. They headed toward the courtyard which was across from the cafeteria. Gerard instantly craved more water. 

“Uh, you two go ahead.” He pointed at the cafeteria. “I’m gonna grab a water. You want anything?”

Donna and Mikey both declined and continued towards the courtyard. 

Gerard grabbed the biggest bottle of water he could find from the refrigerators and went to stand in line to pay. 

He pulled his phone back out. Frank still hadn’t text him. Gerard exhaled deeply. He knew he was going to have to be the one to reach out. 

**Gerard** : “You alive?” 

He felt the nervousness return to his stomach as he handed his debit card to the cashier. 

As soon as he had paid, he twisted the cap off and took a large gulp, walking towards the courtyard. He walked through the door, the bright sun hitting his eyes. Once they adjusted to the light, he noticed that a pretty decent amount of people were there. Most of them were patients, some staff and a few family members. He found Mikey, glaring at him with a huge smile on his face. 

Gerard felt his eyebrow raise. _What the hell was he so happy for?_

Mikey, reading his expression perfectly, pointed outward. Gerard followed his finger, turning to look behind him. 

Frank was sitting on a small stool, an acoustic guitar in his lap. His eyes on Gerard and smiling up at him through his eyelashes. 

Gerard immediately felt hot, his head spinning again. He whipped his head around and took a seat in the empty chair by Mikey’s wheelchair. 

Mikey leaned over, making sure their mom was out of earshot. 

“You have great taste.” 

Gerard blinked at him. Mikey smiled again as he leaned back in his wheelchair. His feet tapping against the pavement in tune with the soft notes radiating from Frank’s fingertips. 

Gerard felt the water bottle in his hands, unsure if the newly formed condensation was from the cold bottle being in the sun or from his own palms. He felt a soft sigh escape his lips. He relaxed into his chair and watched, begrudgingly, as the man he had sex with just a few hours ago charm the crowd, along with his own mother and brother. 

* * *

Frank’s performance didn’t last long. He played some popular songs, the crowd singing along with him. Gerard was amazed how different he was performing now compared to last night. At 1984, he had been wild. He commanded the stage and had a feral look to his eyes. Here, he was soft. His smile and eyes seeming to connect with every person in front of him. The way he happily took a recommendation from a little girl, who Gerard decided couldn’t be older than 8, made Gerard feel weak. The first sparks of electricity seeming to fly across his skin, the same way he had felt last night. Frank wrapped up his show by apologizing for making the patients feel worse and declaring free jell-o for everyone, sending small laughs throughout the crowd, even one from Donna, Gerard noticed.   
Hospital staff stood and started wheeling patients back inside. 

“Mikey,” Donna leaned towards him, “you ready to head back up?” 

Mikey shook his head, “Yeah. I’m ready for a nap, I think.” He smiled meekly at her as she stood up and began pushing him towards the door. 

Gerard lingered back for a second, wanting to approach Frank. He looked over towards him and saw him talking to a tall blonde woman, her hand playfully pushing his shoulder. He watched as they both laughed at whatever was being said. 

He felt a small stab of jealousy web its way into his head. He shook it off and followed behind his mom. He looked back in Frank’s direction as they all walked. His eyes were on him, the blonde still talking next to him. Frank’s eyes hung heavy, as if he was worried. It made Gerard’s stomach ache and forced him to a halt at the door. A nurse came up behind Gerard, pushing an older man in a wheelchair. He smiled at them before looking once more at Frank, his sad eyes still on Gerard. 

Anxious he was holding up the line, Gerardpanicked and turned, walking into the hospital. 

His head was screaming at him and his heart was in his throat. They all walked quietly back to the elevator. Frank’s sad eyes replaying through Gerard’s head. 

“Ah _crap_!” Gerard blurted out, throwing his hands up for added dramatics. “I think I left my phone in my seat.” 

Mikey shot him a wide smile, seeing right through him. 

The elevator doors opened and Donna pushed Mikey inside. 

“Okay, sweetie. We’ll meet you up there.” 

Gerard nodded and turned quickly back towards the courtyard. 

He stepped back out into the sun, his gaze landing on Frank immediately. He was looking off in the distance as the blonde stood next to him, her lips moving and her fingers twirling around a strand of her hair.

Gerard walked up to them, letting out a small cough.

Frank snapped, his attention returning. He looked at Gerard, a smile pulling at the corner of his lips. 

“Hey, Frank.” Gerard cut the blonde off. “Can I talk to you?” 

Frank raised an eyebrow, his smile deepening. “Yeah, sure. What’s up?”

“ _Alone_ would be great.” Gerard shifted his gaze to the woman next to him. 

Frank smiled at her and thanked her, sending her on her way.

“You probably just broke her heart.” Frank laughed.

“Yeah, probably so.” His words came out mumbled.

“So, what’s up?” Frank placed his guitar in it’s case, closing and latching it.

Gerard froze, he hadn’t thought this far ahead. 

“Uh.” His voice came out shaky. 

Frank turned to look at him, the worry returning to his face. 

“I guess, I guess I just wanted to talk about last night.” 

Frank shifted on his stool. “What about last night?” 

“Oh, come on, Frank. Please don’t play dumb with me.” 

“No. Like I know _what_ about last night. But.” Frank’s eyes shifted downward. “What exactly about it? Do you regret it?” 

Gerard melted, watching Frank nervously waiting for his answer. 

“God, no. Not at all.” Gerard exhaled and stepped closer, his voice lowering. “It’s all I’ve been able to think about today.” 

Frank’s eyes shot back up to meet his. Gerard swore he could see a flicker of flame melting against the green and gold of his iris’. 

Gerard felt a surge of static move over him. He felt like if he didn’t touch Frank soon, he was going to explode. 

“Can we go somewhere?” Gerard asked, his body awakening for the first time today. “Like, now.” 

Frank stood up, his face right in front of Gerard’s. 

“Follow me.” Frank’s body brushed against Gerard’s as he moved around him, intensifying the charge. 

Frank walked ahead, his guitar case in hand. Gerard followed behind, his footsteps matching Frank’s urgency. 

Frank walked past the cafeteria and the elevators, turning down the hallway Gerard and his mom had found the other day. 

“The morgue?” Gerard asked, breathlessly. 

“What?” Frank stopped, turning to him. “No? The morgue is in the basement.” His eyebrow raising. “This is just a storage room where we keep extra beds.” 

“Oh.” Gerard felt the burn from the blush on his face. 

Frank smiled at him, pushing the door open and grabbing Gerard by his shirt. 

The door swung closed behind them as Frank pushed Gerard against the wall, their mouths connecting instantly. Gerard felt the heat run over him as soon as Frank’s lips hit his. His hands pulling Frank deeper against him. The heat was intoxicating. He wanted more. Their tongues moved against one another, fighting for dominance. Frank’s saliva tasted sweet. Gerard drank him in as Frank moved a leg between Gerard’s, slightly pushing them apart. 

Frank’s mouth pulled away, moving down to Gerard’s jaw. He left a trail of small bites and licks down his neck, while his hand moved down to Gerard’s hardening dick. His palm rubbed at him through his jeans, making Gerard moan out into the dark room. 

“Frank. I’ve wanted you all day.” 

Gerard ran his hands through Frank’s hair, his fingers pulling slightly. 

Frank moaned against his neck, his fingers moving to the button on Gerard’s jeans. 

Gerard pulled Frank’s head up to him, needing the heat back against his lips. His kiss was deep, sending small explosions across his body. A moan built up in his throat as Frank’s tongue moved back into his mouth. Gerard moved his hand down to help Frank with his button, popping his pants open for him. 

He felt Frank smile against his teeth, making his grip tighter in his hair. 

“Fuck, Gerard.” Frank bit his lip as his hand slid down underneath Gerard’s pants, feeling how badly Gerard wanted him already. 

Gerard bucked his hips against him, wanting him to move his hand. Needing him to touch him. 

Frank rubbed his head against Gerard’s shoulder as his hand began rubbing against him. 

“Fuck, Frankie. I need you.” Gerard whispered into his neck. 

Frank pulled his head up, his heavy breathing falling on Gerard’s lips. 

“Gerard. I-“

Suddenly a loud voice filled the room, floating from the hospital intercom.

“ **Code blue, room 915. Code blue, room 915”**

They both froze, their eyes locking through the darkness. 

“ _Mikey_.” 


	10. Chapter 10

A false alarm. _A fucking false alarm_.

How does that just happen?

Frank and Gerard had scrambled out of the storage room on the main level after hearing Mikey’s room number overhead, panic engulfing both of them. And just as they stepped onto the elevator, heavy breathing from running down the hall, another voice came over the intercom saying to cancel the code. Frank leaned his head against the wall of the elevator and let out an exasperated “Thank Fuck.”

“What does that mean?” Gerard looked at him, his eyes still wide with worry.

“It means it was most likely just an accident. Someone could have just pressed against the button.” Frank smiled at him, a reassuring look to his eyes.

It should have been reassuring. To any other person, it probably would have been. However, Gerard felt the guilt start to build behind his eyes. His worry shifting to confusion and rage. 

“An accident?! That is _the_ dumbest shit I have ever heard. Why even have a button in a spot where people can “ _accidentally_ ” touch it?” Gerard snapped out, turning his back to Frank.

He heard Frank let out a soft laugh, stepping closer to him, their shoulders touching.

“Good question. I didn’t design the place, I just work here.” 

Gerard moved away slightly, breaking the contact. It was intentional enough for Frank to notice, though. 

“Hey?” Frank stepped towards him again, his eyebrows furrowed. “Gerard, hey. He’s okay.”

Gerard snapped his head towards Frank, the anger apparent on his face.

“Yeah, well we got lucky.” He bit out. “God. Frank, we’re being stupid. Could you imagine? If something had actually happened, if it wasn’t just an accident, and instead of being there with my brother, you know the _one_ I flew all the way across the country for, instead of being there with him, I was too busy fucking around with the first guy that batted his eyelashes at me?” His hands balled into fists at his side, the whites of his knuckles sticking out against his black jeans.

Frank flinched at Gerard’s words.

“Gerard-“

“No, Frank.” The doors to the elevator opened and Gerard stepped out. “This, whatever it was, it has to stop. My only focus should be on Mikey right now. That’s why I’m _here_. Not for one night stands and secret make out sessions. I let myself lose sight of that and I just don’t need this right now.”

Frank scoffed at him. “A one night stand? Gerard, that’s not what I- Okay, look you’re seriously overreacting.” Frank kept his hand against the door sensor, keeping them from closing on him.

Gerard shook his head and started to turn toward Mikey’s hallway. “I really don’t think I am, Frank.”

“Gee. Please? Just. Can you text me or call me when you leave? So we can talk about this?”

Gerard eyed Frank as the doors hit against his hand and slide back open. His voice was low but high at the same time, his eyes filled with that pitiful look of worry.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.” Gerard shoved his hands in his pockets, lowering his eyes. He felt the anger in him subsiding and he knew if he continued to look at Frank, if he kept staring at his sad hazel eyes, he’d lose his ground. It had to be this way. At least until Mikey got better.

“Well. Okay then.” Frank’s voice fell into a whisper, his hand falling down to his side. He stepped back into the elevator fully, the doors closing him off and ending the conversation.

  
Gerard stood there for a second, looking at his reflection in the elevator doors. He knew he was right. The way he had felt when he had heard Mikey’s room number being called, all he could do was scream at himself for not being there when Mikey needed him. For the second time in the span of a week. It didn’t matter now that it was a false alarm. What mattered was that it had been a possibility and that would have been something Gerard would have had to live with for the rest of his life. He wouldn’t have been able to carry the guilt.

He broke his gaze with his own face and walked into Mikey’s room, erasing the conversation with Frank from his mind as best he could.

“Hey Gerard!” Mikey was sitting on his bed, a chocolate pudding in his hand. “Find your phone?” He shot him a playful smile.

“Yeah.” Gerard kept his tone neutral as he took a seat next to Mikey on the bed. “What the hell happened? When I heard your room number being called I-“

“Oh, yeah. Mom accidently leaned against it when she was trying to help me back into bed.”

“Oh.” Gerard put his hands over his face, trying his best to force the stress of the situation to leave his body. “Really freaked me out, man.”

Mikey shifted beside him, picking up on his older brother’s body language. He placed his pudding cup on his table and swung an arm around Gerard’s slumped shoulders.

“Dude, come on. I’m okay.” He shook Gerard gently. “And I decided to go ahead and do the angio- whatever the test is called.”

Gerard looked up at him, his face showing a weak exhausted smile. “That’s great, Mikey. I think that’s for the best.”

“Yeah, me too.” He leaned his head against Gerard’s shoulder. “So, where’s Frank?”

Gerard didn’t answer, he didn’t even know where to begin.

“Gerard. What happened?”

Gerard turned toward him, his brows drawn in together. “What do you mean?”

“I may be sick, but I am not stupid, Gee.” Mikey’s tone was soft. 

“I really _really_ don’t want to talk about it right now, okay?” Gerard closed his eyes and leaned his head against Mikey’s, his younger brother nodding underneath him.

* * *

It had been three days since Gerard had last seen Frank. He had barely left the hospital, staying glued to his brother’s side as much as possible, and not once had he seen the tattooed chaotic nurse walking around the hallways. He had checked his phone multiple times, an embarrassing amount really. He had even gone into his messages with Frank to make sure he hadn’t missed one. There was nothing though. He knew it was dumb to expect Frank to reach out to him, in fact, he had even told him not to. Still, it just didn’t feel the same not having him around, something Gerard inevitably picked up on. Mikey missed having him for a nurse and brought it up every chance he got. Gerard resented Frank, slightly, for that. Yeah, sure. Be mad at him, that was fine. He deserved it. But don’t take it out on Mikey, your actual patient. The whole thing just irritated him. 

Everything these days did, though. Since he had been staying at the hospital, he had barely got more than a few hours of sleep and most of those came from during the day when he had the noise to drown out his thoughts. That was the issue though, the noise. He probably didn’t sleep for more than two hours at a time before someone’s call light or noisy family woke him up. He felt drained and empty, feeling like he was constantly on edge and at any second, the smallest thing would send him spiraling. Not even the coffee his mom would bring him in the mornings from home helped his mood. 

Mikey, however, was in a particularly great mood tonight. A good reason too, Gerard supposed. They hadreceived word earlier that morning that Mikey’s test had been scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. Mikey had been a smiling nut case ever since. 

“You’re awfully cheerful, Mikey Way.”

“Oh, you know.” Mikey ran his fingers through his hair, standing it up into a mohawk. “Just thankful for all the opportunities life has given me these past few days.” His eyes darted towards Gerard, his comment definitely directed at him.

Gerard wasn’t really sure why, though. He had never ended up telling Mikey what had happened between him and Frank. 

“That’s a great way to look at it, sweetie.” His mom nodded as she fixed her makeup in the reflection of the paper towel dispenser. “You’re not going to be stuck in here forever.” 

Mikey beamed at her. “Hell no I’m not.” His arms shot out in front of him, his muscles flexing as be stretched out. 

“I’ve got things to do!” He smiled to himself. 

“Gerard, honey. Are you staying here tonight or do you want me to?” Donna looked at Gerard’s reflection in the dispenser. 

“I could use a decent sleep tonight, mom.” Gerard shifted his gaze to the parking garage. His eyes subconsciously looking for the white muscle car that was usually parked on top. 

“And a shower.” Mikey pinched his nose, waving his hand in front of him.

Gerard rolled his eyes. “Grow up.” 

“Okay, that’s fine.” His mom moved towards the cot. “I’ll stay. I like being close by anyway.” 

“Mom, you don’t have to stay. _No one_ needs to stay.” Mikey groaned. “I’m not a child. I’m literally in the safest place possible.” 

Gerard looked at their mom, watching her face change as the argument played out in her head. 

“Okay, Michael.” Her face was relaxed. “You’re right. This time it feels different to me. I actually don’t worry when I’m away.” 

Mikey smiled at her. “Yeah, me too. This stay just feels..” he paused for a second, “it feels different. In a good way.” 

Gerard watched as the optimistic glances shifted between the two.

He almost agreed with them, because at first this stay had felt different. Watching the way Frank had built up a relationship with his brother and actually listen to him. It had been Frank who had got Mikey to talk about all his symptoms, after all. Without that, who knows what shape they’d be in. Now they had a plan, they had hope. 

Gerard felt a pang of guilt start to build in his chest. If this test turned out to be the missing piece to solving Mikey’s problem, Gerard wouldn’t even know how to thank him properly.

They stayed with Mikey until after he finished his dinner. Mikey pretended to be exhausted from his long day of doing absolutely nothing, forcing them both out of his room. Gerard knew that wasn’t the real reason though. He had seen his brother checking his phone every so often, a smile on his face when it would finally buzz. He pretended to play dumb though, telling Mikey he hoped he got a good nights sleep before leaving with their mom. 

It felt weird walking the path to the parking garage, heading for his mom’s old Honda Civic instead of Frank’s Trans Am. The whole thing felt weird, if he were being honest. It’s not that he wasn’t completely infatuated with him, he would be insane not to be, it just wasn’t the right time. Plus, let’s say Mikey gets better, he still had LA. Would he really move back to Jersey just to pursue something with Frank? The whole situation was messy and it irritated him the more he thought about it. Of course he would meet someone like Frank when there was zero chance of it playing out in his favor. Still, Gerard wished more than anything, that he hadn’t of been so harsh with him at the elevator. The image of his face as the doors closed was seared into Gerard’s memory. Every time it flashed in his mind, he felt his heart ache. 

He unintentionally let out a long sigh. 

“What’s wrong, sweetie?” The sound of his mother’s voice pulled him from his thoughts. He didn’t remember getting in the car with her or driving away from the hospital. He had zoned out as soon as he found himself looking for Frank’s car in the garage. 

“Nothing, just really tired.” Gerard’s smile faltered on his lips. “Slept like shit last night.” 

Donna nodded her head. 

“You know, you could just call him.”

Gerard’s eyes shot up to her, a confused expression on his face. 

His mom laughed. “Oh please, Gerard. Do you think I’m completely oblivious? I’m a mom. I know everything.” 

Gerard continued to stare at her, words failing him.

“I got curious how you were getting home and one day I saw you walking towards the garage with him.” She smiled like she was recounting how she solved a cold case. “Plus, there were two coffee mugs in the sink the other day.” 

_Fuck_. The mugs. 

“It didn’t piss you off?” Gerard wanted to kick himself for how sheepish his voice came out. He was almost thirty years old!

“Did it piss me off to see my oldest son enjoying his time with another person?” Her eyebrow raised, her question sarcastic. 

Gerard let out another sigh, leaning against the passenger headrest. 

“Doesn’t matter anyway.” His eyes focusing on the road in front of them. 

“What do you mean?” 

“I kind of ended whatever it was that was starting between us. I wanted to make sure my focus was on Mikey.” The words coming from his mouth felt attached to his chest somehow, pulling on him. 

“Ah. I see.” Donna’s thumb began tapping against the steering wheel. Gerard could see her restraining herself from speaking. 

“What is it, mom?” 

“Your brother is going to be fine, Gerard.” Her voice came out with conviction, fulling believing in them. 

“He’s going to be _fine_. I know these past few days have been crazy and just” her hand whirled in front of her “a lot. But he is going to be fine and that’s not a reason to act scared.” 

Gerard gasped. “I’m not scared, it’s just I don’t need a distraction.” 

“Then don’t make it be a distraction.” 

“It’s not that easy, mom.” Gerard felt himself beginning to pout. “What about after? What about LA?” 

His mom’s smile returned to her face. “What about LA? LA didn’t raise Gerard Way. New Jersey did.” 

Gerard smiled at his mom, his conversation with Frank about the people that came from Jersey flooding his mind. His mom ended the conversation by turning the song on the radio up just a bit. 

They drove the rest of the way home without talking, something Gerard was thankful for. He was tired of thinking. Thinking of Frank. Thinking of New Jersey. Just tired. 

  
  


* * *

  
When he got home, he headed straight for his room and started a shower, wanting to wash the smell of the hospital and all that came with it, off of him. It had been days since his last shower, so maybe Mikey’s statement earlier did hold a little bit of truth. 

He realized as he ran a bar of soap over his skin, that it meant he was also washing away the last of Frank’s touches. His kisses and his small bites. A thought that made Gerard’s stomach sink.His conversation with his mom had only sent his head spiraling. Logically, he knew he made the right choice. He had only known Frank for a few days and to just stop all of his life plans for something that may or may not work out was far past ridiculous. He couldn’t act out on childish impulses anymore. Emotionally, though, he felt sick. There was no denying the chemistry he had shared with Frank from their first moment in the elevator. The coincidences of the then stranger being his brother’s nurse and him popping up wherever Gerard looked seemed unsettling. Like the universe was literally shoving Frank in his face. 

“What do you want me to do?” Gerard spoke out in the air, the water running over his head and body. 

He waited, as if half expecting to hear a voice give him an answer. There wasn’t one though. There never was.   
  
He turned the water off and stepped out of the shower, wrapping a towel around him. He let the water droplets from his hair fall down his chest and back without wiping them away as he headed to his childhood dresser. He opened the first drawer and rummaged around until he found his favorite pair of batman boxers from his early 20’s. He held them against his waist, eyeballing if they would still fit. 

“Eh, what the hell.” He shrugged, letting the towel slip off his body as he pulled the boxers up his legs. 

“Ha!” He smiled down at himself, admiring how his legs looked against the stretched fabric. 

He picked up his towel and rubbed it over his hair, sending it sticking up in every direction. When he was satisfied, he tossed the towel aimlessly towards his clothes hamper, missing by a mile. 

He walked to his bed and grabbed his phone, laying down against his Star Wars blankets. 

He tried to not notice that he still didn’t have a message from Frank and instead he went to his emails. Nothing exciting was in his inbox either, so he tossed his phone next to him and stared up at his ceiling, waiting for sleep to take him. 

Except, now he felt wide awake. 

“Fuck.” He groaned out, turning his face into his pillow. 

He sat up again, looking around his room for something to by-pass the time. 

He needed to do something, anything. His eyes landed on his old sketch pad and cup of drawing pens on his desk. _Perfect_. He walked over to the dingy blue chair and sat down, turning on the desk lamp. 

He flipped through the old pages, remembering creating the old drawings in front of him. 

He had to hand it to his younger self, he sure had been a creative little fuck. 

When he finally flipped to a blank page, he ran his fingers over the emptiness of it. Feeling the soft small ridges of the paper under his fingertips. He picked up one of his pens, rolling it between his two palms, until his mind took control and led it to the page. The movements of the pen imitating the shapes he envisioned in his head. The sound of the pen tip scratching against the paper was the most soothing sound to him. Something no medication or drug could even come close to capturing. He let his mind lead his hand, forgetting about all the stress around him. Settling into a comfortable atmosphere. No thinking, just going with it. 

* * *

A loud ring jolted him awake, his upper body laying out stretched over his drawing desk. The desk lamp light blurred his vision as he stumbled backwards, searching for his phone in his sheets. 

It was Frank. 

His mouth felt dry and he almost felt like he was still dreaming. 

He hit the green circle, bringing the phone to his ear. 

“Hel-Hello?”

“Gerard? Hey it’s Bert.” 

“Bert? What are you doing with Frank’s phone? What time is it?” 

There was a loud noise on the other end and Gerard could make out the sounds of the bar in the background. 

“It’s like 1:30am. I think? But hey, your boyfriend got a little too drunk tonight. I had to take his keys.” Bert shouted at someone before bringing his voice back to the phone. “I don’t feel right sending him in an Uber and I can’t take him home tonight. Think you can come pick him up?” 

Gerard hesitated. He had been hoping to catch sight of Frank over the past few days and now that there was an actual opportunity, he didn’t feel the slightest bit ready. Frank was drunk though, and if Bert felt like Gerard was the only person he could trust to take care of him properly, then he had to do it. Right?

“Uh, yeah. Sure. I can probably be there in twenty?” 

“Dude. Thank you. Really.” Bert thanked him again and told Gerard he’d be out front with Frank, so he wouldn’t have to come into the bar. 

Thank god for that. 

Gerard grabbed an old Judas Priest t-shirt from his closet and threw on his boots. He knew he looked ridiculous but who was going to see him anyway?

He took the stairs two at a time up out of his basement and grabbed his mom’s car keys off their hook in the kitchen. 

He slipped out the front door, the cold air hitting his exposed legs, reminding him that he was still in his batman boxers. 

Too late now. 

He climbed into his mom’s car, turning the ignition slowly, as if it would make the engine quieter, somehow. 

It didn’t. 

He pulled out of the drive way and headed towards Bert’s bar. Or what he hoped was the direction of Bert’s bar. He suddenly realized he should have paid better attention when Frank drove him. 

Thank fuck for technology. 

He pulled out his phone and quickly typed in the name of the bar and waited for the map to pull it up. 

Gerard smiled as the familiar robotic voice filled the car with “ _Starting route_.” He saw that he was about 30 minutes out. He frowned. He had told Bert he’d be there in 20 about five minutes ago. He clicked his seatbelt in and pushed his foot slightly harder against the gas. He hated being late. 

* * *

When Gerard pulled up in front of Bert’s bar, he saw the two men waiting for him. Bert was smiling, his arm around Frank’s waist and his other hand flailing around dramatically, the lit cherry of his cigarette weaving through the air. Frank looked, well, he looked completely out of it. His hair was clinging to his skin and his eyes were so dazed over, Gerard didn’t think he was even capable of expressing an emotion properly. He pulled up directly in front of them, unlocking the door. Bert lifted the cigarette to his mouth, gripping it between his lips as he flung the car door open while supporting Frank’s weight. 

“I’m not getting in that car.” Frank turned to Bert, his face in a drunken scowl. 

“The fuck you aren’t.” Bert guided Frank’s unsteady body down under the door frame, being careful not to hit Frank’s head on it. He bent down and picked up Frank’s legs, turning him so he was now fully in the passenger seat. Bert closed the door and reached through the window, pushing the lock button.

“You can’t make me get in.” Frank said, his eyes having trouble focusing on the person leaning over him.

“You’re right. I can’t.” Bert winked at Gerard as he leaned over Frank, buckling him in. 

He thanked Gerard again for helping him out and they exchanged phone numbers, with the promise of hopefully finding time soon to catch up. 

Gerard pulled away from the bar, waving as Bert watched from the curb.

“Okay, Frankie. If you need to throw up, just lean your head out the window.” 

Gerard did not want to explain to his mother why her car suddenly smelled like regurgitated alcohol and whatever else was in Frank’s body.

“Dontchu call me that.” Frank glared at him, his face trying hard to focus on being angry.“And I dont throw up. Like ever.”

“Okay. Well. Just in case, the window is down.” Gerard tried to ignore the tone in Frank’s voice. He knew he deserved it but the coldness to it stung more than he had anticipated. 

“Dont worry. I won’t throw up in your fancy Hollywood car.” 

Gerard suppressed a laugh.He had no intention of telling Frank that he was in a Civic that was probably made the same year he was born.

Gerard continued down the road, taking turns and braking a little more slowly, trying to keep Frank’s body upright.

“You know.” Frank leaned his head back against the seat, turning to look at Gerard. “You’re an asshole.” 

Gerard’s face dropped. 

“Frank, come on.”

“No. No no. I wanna say this.” He straightened himself up, his eyes struggling to stay on Gerard. “You’re an asshole, Gerard Way. You think this stuff happens all the time? Well it doesn’t. I’ve asked around, ya know? People look at me like I’m insane. When I try to explain how you make me feel. But I’m not crazy. You’re crazy. How do you go from “oh Frank I want you” one second to “never talk to me again”?” His hands fumbled as he did air quotations. 

Gerard struggled to keep up with Frank’s drunken mumbles. 

“I never said not to talk to me, Frank.” 

He could see Frank shift from the corner of his eye. “I just said not to that night. I needed to think.”

“About what?” Frank blurted out. 

“I don’t know, Frank. Everything. You. Me. My future. Mikey. Look, you’re extremely drunk. I’m banking on you not even remembering this conversation in the morning, so let’s just can it for now. And if you want, when you wake up, we can discuss it then, okay?” 

Frank stared at him, his lips in a thin line. 

“Yeah. S’okay. That sounds fine.” He leaned his head against the door frame, the wind blowing his hair into his face. “But only because I’m a nice guy.” 

Gerard laughed. “You are, Frankie. You’re a very nice guy.” 

Gerard heard a faint sigh come from Frank, followed by an almost inaudible “please, don’t call me that.” 

He looked over, Frank’s eyes were closed and his mouth had fallen into a frown. He had somehow curled up into himself. As Gerard looked at the man next to him, his words playing in his head, it felt like tiny daggers from heaven were piercing through every inch of him. His heart seeming to shatter beneath his ribs. The lump in his throat swelled at the realization of how much Frank was hurting from this. Frank was right, he was an asshole. 


	11. Chapter 11

He fought his eyes as they started to flutter open, his dream being interrupted by a faint knock on his bedroom door at the top of his stairs. He blinked rapidly, letting his eyes adjust to the room around him. 

“Gerard?” 

He heard his mom’s voice float down the stairs, coming from the other side of the closed door. 

He let out a loud grunt. 

“It’s almost 11. I was going to head to the hospital soon.” She paused. “Do you want to come with me?” 

Mikey’s procedure was scheduled for around 4 that afternoon, and Gerard was in no way ready to head back, knowing he’d most likely be there all evening. 

“You go ahead. I’ll head that way in a bit.” His words muffled from his mouth being partially covered from his pillow.

“How are you going to get there?” His mom responded, obviously trying to get him up and ride with her. 

He needed coffee and a smoke first. 

“Woah.” A whisper came from the other side of his room, Gerard’s back turned to it. 

He shot up in his bed, his eyes falling on Frank. He was standing over his desk, both hands on the top, supporting him. 

“I’ll uber!” Gerard shouted. 

He hadn’t been dreaming. He really had picked up a very intoxicated Frank early that morning, dragged him down to his room and forced him to sleep the alcohol off. 

He heard his mom mumble something, following her footsteps to the front door and closing it behind her. He waited for the car to start before speaking.

“Frank.”

Frank stayed in his position, leaning over the desk. His face focusing on whatever was in front of him. 

“You drew me?” His voice came out soft, a touch of rigidness to it.

“What?”

“Well, I guess, just my hands. You drew my hands?” He turned towards Gerard, his sketchbook opened to the page he had filled last night with random drawings and scribbles. 

Frank looked at him, his eyes searching. 

“ _Why_ , Gerard?”

Gerard felt his breath stick in his throat. Why? Good question.

“I don’t know.” His face paralyzed. 

Frank sighed and moved to the corner of the bed, the one furthest from Gerard.

“See, I think you do.” He stared down at the picture still in his hands. 

Gerard stayed silent, his head spinning with all the things he should say. 

“Gerard.” Frank’s voice was more demanding, but only slightly.

“Frank. I-“ Gerard stammered. 

Frank ripped the picture from the book, folding it into a tight square and slipping it into his front pocket. 

“I didn’t say you could keep that.” Gerard watched as Frank’s shoulders tensed. 

“Are you going to tell me I can’t?” His face stayed fixed in front of him, like he were talking to someone else.

Gerard ran his hand through his hair, letting out a defeated sigh. “No.” 

The silence that followed was the first time Gerard felt an uncomfortable blanket settle over them. He hated it.

He didn’t want this, he wanted the easiness back. 

“Remind me to ask Bert for his workout routine.” He forced a laugh out, a poor attempt at trying to break the awkwardness between them. “You were not easy to get down those stairs, dude.” 

Frank continued sitting, his body frozen as if he weren’t there at all. Like he had projected himself elsewhere and Gerard was just talking to the shell of him. 

It made Gerard feel stir crazy. He needed Frank to say something. He needed this uncomfortable feeling to end. It was making him feel sick. 

“Frank?” Gerard whispered, his voice came out more pleading than asking. 

Frank stood up, his head staying down. 

“Thanks for picking me up. You didn’t need to do that.” He walked, staggering towards the first step leading out of the basement. 

Gerard felt a panic start to rise in him. 

He jumped off of his bed and reached for Frank’s hand, stopping him from taking another step. 

“Frank-“

Frank closed his eyes, his hand going limp around Gerard’s. 

“Gerard, _please_.” His voice sounded dry, cracking at the last word.

It broke Gerard. He could feel everything Frank was feeling in that moment and all he wanted to do was pull Frank into him, wrapping him in his arms and apologize for what he had said. For how he had acted. 

How could he though? He still didn’t know what to do about how he felt towards Frank. About any of it. All he knew was that he wanted Frank to be okay. 

“Can’t we just talk?” Gerard tightened his fingers around Frank’s, trying to convey how desperate he was to try to fix things. 

Frank turned to him, his eyes finally settling on Gerard’s. They were red and tired. The intense flame that had once engulfed Gerard was extinguished, all that was there now was a sad dullness.

The cold eyes delivering a terrible blow, as if he had been punched in the stomach. 

“Please, Frank.” He walked backwards to the bed, pulling on Frank’s hand. 

Frank’s feet finally moved, reluctantly. Gerard could tell he wanted no part in whatever was about to transpire. 

Gerard sat first, waiting for Frank to follow.He finally did, leaving about an arm’s length between them. Gerard despised the distance, he wanted to be closer. But he understood the reasoning, so he stayed in his spot. 

“Do you want a cup of coffee?” Gerard asked, trying to make his voice sound as comforting as possible. 

Frank thought about it for a second before nodding. 

Gerard stood to his feet, heading for the door. 

“Okay. Just. Just don’t go anywhere.” He lingered behind, waiting for Frank to say or do anything. 

Frank sighed. 

“I’m kind of stuck here. No car, remember? And my phone is dead, apparently.” 

Gerard fought off the small tug on the corners of his mouth. He didn’t want Frank to think he was enjoying this. He wasn’t. He was just happy to have a chance to apologize. Frank deserved it. 

He nodded his head before heading up to the kitchen.

He was honestly impressed with how quickly his body moved around the room, pulling out the mugs and pouring equal amounts of coffee into them.

He walked a bit slower back down the steps, trying to keep the hot liquid from spilling out onto him. When he re-entered his room, Frank was in the same position, his hands fidgeting against each other in his lap. 

“Here you go.” Gerard extended a cup towards him. “Careful, it’s hot.” He remembered Frank burning his lip the last time he drank it too soon. 

Frank stayed silent, still. 

Gerard knew he was going to have to do all the work. That was fine. He was the one who had done all of the damage. 

He sat his mug on his night stand, turning his entire body towards Frank.

“I’m sorry, Frank.”   
He waited. Nothing. He took a deep breath and continued. “I panicked. Okay? I heard Mikey’s room number and my brain just immediately started guilt tripping. I started beating myself up for not being there for him, yet again. And I just felt like I had failed him. As a brother.” He paused, noticing Frank’s hands go still. 

“Then when it turned out to be a false alarm, all that worry, all the fear I had built up just seconds before turned to anger. And you were there, in front of me and I just reacted.” Gerard let the truth sink into him for the first time. “It wasn’t right. And it sure as hell wasn’t fair to you. And for that I’m sorry.” 

Gerard waited, watching as Frank let the words resonate with him.

”You said you wouldn’t regret it. I wouldn’t hav-“

Gerard cut him off. “I _don’t_ regret any of it, Frank. It just. You have to admit things are complicated?”

“Okay.” He muttered out, his head still down. “But what exactly does that mean, Gerard?” He turned towards him, his face searching for the answer he wanted to hear. 

“I don’t know.” Gerard sighed. He really didn’t. “I mean, what would even the point of trying? So we become even more attached only for us both to be crushed when I eventually go back home?” His own words hurting him. The idea of leaving Frank was something he didn’t look forward to already. He couldn’t imagine how much harder it would be if their connection only grew. “I honestly have no clue what to do here, Frank.” Sadness weaved through his words, the feeling of hopelessness hanging over his head. 

Frank stayed quiet again. 

“Tell me what to _do_ , please.” Gerard whispered out to him. 

“I guess I don’t know what to do either.” Frank confessed. 

“I got so wrapped up in how I felt being around you, that I didn’t really think that far ahead.” 

Gerard felt his heart sink. He had kind of been hoping for Frank to yell at him, telling him to stop being stupid. Hearing Frank confirm Gerard’s concerns just made them seem more valid. 

“I’m sorry, Gerard.” 

Gerard blinked, unsure what to say. Why was _he_ apologizing?

“What? What for?”

Frank looked at him, his eyes piercing. “Not thinking this through.” He ran his free hand through his hair. “I felt the resistance from you in the very beginning and I still. I just couldn’t shake it. I couldn’t _not_ try. That was wrong of me.” 

Gerard felt himself tense up. Frank’s apology not sitting right. 

“Frank. No.” He shook his head furiously, standing up. “I wanted you. I kissed _you_ , remember?” 

Frank sat watching Gerard pacing back and forth in front of him, his hands on his hips and his face in a scowl. 

“Your apology is bullshit because that makes it seem like I wasn’t thinking or that I didn’t act in my own interest.” Gerard felt the heat returning to his head. “Frank, I’m not an idiot. It’s not that I don’t feel what you do. It’s just-“ 

Gerard’s rant was cut off by Frank’s sudden sharp laughter. 

Gerard stood there, shocked and confused at what exactly he was laughing at. 

“Frank? What the hell?” 

“Yeah dude, _what the hell_ are you wearing?” 

Gerard’s hands dropped to his sides as he gazed down at himself. 

He had forgotten about his batman boxers. Again. 

His hands returned to his hips, followed by an eye roll.

“Real mature. Change the subject when I’m trying to be serious.” 

Frank shook his head, his laughter starting to die down. “I’m sorry, it’s just. It’s hard to take you seriously when you have pow! written on your ass.” 

Gerard felt himself blush, suddenly self conscious. 

Frank read his change in body language, his face going serious again.

“It’s a cute ass, by the way.” 

Gerard looked at him. Frank was smiling at him. A sight that made Gerard feel so warm he could have kissed him. He smiled back at him, moving to take a seat back down next to him. This time, Frank didn’t try to keep the distance between them.

Frank brought the cup of coffee to his lips, taking a small sip. 

“Frank, I don’t know what I’m supposed to do or say to you.” Gerard’s eyes raked over Frank’s face, watching as his adam apple moved with his swallow. “All I know is that I like being around you. I like talking to you and I don’t want that to stop.”   


Frank reached over, grabbing onto Gerard’s hand. 

“This is going to be extremely hard for me.” He gave a small squeeze. “But I’d rather have you as a friend than nothing at all, Gee. I’ve never had such a natural connection with anyone like this before. It’d be stupid not to keep that.” 

Gerard felt his stomach flutter. 

“It’s going to be hard for me, too. Please don’t think it wont.” He squeezed back. 

The silence settled back between them, more comfortable than it had felt earlier. Not quite what it had been before, but heading in the right direction. 

“Frank?”

“Hm?” He took another sip.

“Why haven’t you been at work?” Gerard asked. He still hadn’t forgiven him for dipping out on Mikey.

“Huh?”

“I haven’t seen you.” 

“I got floated. I had picked up two extra shifts, just in hopes of seeing you.” He laughed at his confession. “But the rule is, whoever picks up, gets floated first if other halls are short.” 

“So, you’re still Mikey’s nurse?” 

“Yes, my regular schedule picks back up tonight.” 

Gerard nodded. “His test is today.” 

Frank smiled, his lips against his mug. “Yeah, I know. I’ve been keeping tabs.” 

Gerard smiled at him. Frank was incredible, truly. 

Gerard stood up, grabbing his coffee cup.

“Come on.” He nodded his head towards the door.

“Where are we going?” Frank stood up, his eyebrow raised.

“I need a smoke.”

Frank nodded. “Okay, but, as your friend, I’m going to need to you do something about.” His voice trailed off as his eyes wandered down Gerard’s body. 

Gerard shook his head, laughing, while walking to his dresser. He pulled out a pair of black sweatpants and slipped them on. 

“Yeah, those aren’t any better.” Frank frowned. 

“What? Why not?” Gerard looked down at them. They were just plain black pants. 

“Your ass looks too good.” Frank pointed out, his eyes playful. 

“Seriously?” Gerard turned his head, trying to see what Frank was talking about. 

Frank laughed. 

Gerard smiled at him. 

“And as your _friend_ , I’m going to need you to stop complimenting my ass.” 

“Why?”

“Because.” Gerard grabbed his mug from the top of the dresser, walking back towards the stairs. “It makes me think about yours.” He looked at Frank, watching his face drop.

“Okay. Yeah. This is going to be super fucking hard.” Frank’s eyebrows scrunched up, his voice annoyed.

“Yeah.” Gerard stared back at him. 

They were already failing, tiptoeing the thin line between “friend” and “more than that” way too dangerously. 

For a split second, Gerard thought about throwing his mug to the side and tackling Frank onto his bed, picking up where they left off. It’d be so easy. They were alone and could do whatever they wanted to each other. Erase the past few days, starting over. Instead, he smiled at Frank, and headed up the stairs. The brown haired man following him, mirroring Gerard’s walk, step for step. 

* * *

  
Gerard had ordered an uber for Frank and him to share; it dropped him off at the hospital and took Frank back to the bar to retrieve his car. They had ended their morning on a good note, sitting out on the back porch and talking about anything that came to mind. Gerard had forgotten that today was Halloween, only being reminded when he saw the date on his phone when checking the time. They had both come to the agreement that it was definitely the best holiday, Frank crowning himself the ultimate fan while showing off the inked lettering across his fingers. They were both bummed they would be spending it in the hospital and not at home, curled up on a couch and watching old cult horror classics. 

Gerard made Frank promise to sneak away as much as he could to come to Mikey’s room, that is, if there were any decent scary movies on the basic cable package the hospital had. 

Frank had smiled at him, saying that he would do his best.

Gerard felt happy, stepping out of the uber and waving Frank off. It felt right, being back on Frank’s good side. Frank was a good person to be around. He was usually happy and bouncing and Gerard fed off that infectious energy and it made him a happier person, too. He also kind of got a nice ego boost just from having Frank around. Frank would laugh at just about anything Gerard said, his high pitched squeal giving Gerard a form of validation.

This was like a new form of intimacy. A comfortable one without any strings attached. There was no “dooms day” cloud hanging over their heads. No “what happens if” scenarios playing through Gerard’s head. 

Gerard felt lighter, in a sense, as he walked out of the elevator onto the 9th floor hallway. He walked passed the nurses station, noticing it had been decorated in jack o’lanterns and ghost cut outs. He also noticed that there was a “Happy Birthday” banner hanging over a door of what appeared to be a break room. He hadn’t noticed the banner the day before, meaning someone had a birthday on Halloween and that was honestly, pretty cool.   
_Looks like Frank has competition for that ultimate fan title._

He walked towards Mikey’s door, cracking it open and peaking in. 

Mikey sat under his blankets in bed, a gown on and a blue bonnet on his head. 

“Well, hello.” Gerard entered, suddenly pretending to be confused. “Oh, I was looking for Mikey Way’s room? My apologies, Ms. Bo Peep.” 

Mikey sat up, grabbing the box of tissues off his table and chucking them at his brother’s head. 

Gerard laughed, ducking from the incoming attack. 

“You’re an asshole.” Mikey voiced, his face stern. “It’s to keep my hair sterile, or some shit. I don’t know. It’s for the procedure.” 

Donna shook her head. “You two.” 

Gerard walked over to her, planting a kiss on his mother’s head before taking a seat on the cot in the corner. 

“What’s up with you?”

Gerard looked up to see Mikey staring at him, his face puzzled. 

His mom’s face holding the same question. 

Gerard laughed. “Oh sure, you two can ooze optimism and be all happy but as soon as I do, something’s _wrong_ with me.” 

Mikey’s face didn’t relax and his mom just shrugged, turning back to the book in her hands.

“Seriously. What happened?” 

“Nothing happened, Mikey Way.” Gerard crossed his legs, lightly swinging his foot. “Unless an uninterrupted night of blissful sleep counts as ‘something’?” 

Mikey raised an eyebrow, debating if he wanted to believe Gerard or not. He must have, or just decided it wasn’t worth it, and returned to scrolling on his phone. 

“When do you go back?” Gerard asked, shifting the attention back on Mikey.

“I’m not sure. They said the doctor would be in to see me, walk me through it again and then they’d take me to the cath lab.” 

“Cath lab?”

“Yeah, I guess that’s where it’s done at. Idunno.” 

Gerard nodded silently. He could tell by Mikey’s uncharacteristic agitation, that he was nervous. Leaving him be was for the best, which was probably why Donna was being so quiet. Also very out of character. Gerard shrugged to himself. What was Halloween without your very own real life episode of “The Twilight Zone”, anyway?

They sat quietly for about forty minutes before there was a knock on the door and the doctor stepped in. He shook Mikey’s hand and offered a warm smile to Gerard and Donna. 

“Okay, Mikey. Before we take you back, I just want to make sure you understand what we’re doing.” His face screamed professional. “You will be awake for this. We’ll only be using a numbing agent at the site of injection. You might feel a bit of pressure but it’s nothing you can’t handle.” He smiled at Mikey. “I’ll be talking to you the entire time, explaining the process, okay?” 

Mikey nodded weakly. 

“Do you have any questions?” 

“N-No, I don’t think so.” Mikey’s voice shook, making Gerard empathize with him.

“Okay, good. I’ll see you up there then.” He smiled at the three of them again and walked out of the room.

Shortly afterwards, two women came into the room, announcing that the cath lab was ready for them. 

Donna leaned over Mikey and squeezed his hand. 

“You’ll be back here in no time, Mikey.” Her words sounding more like they were for her. 

Mikey nodded his head and looked at Gerard.

He could sense the paranoia on Mikey’s face.

“She’s right. And when you get back, I’ll have all kinds of junk food waiting for you, with a scary movie on. Sound good?”

“Fuck yeah it does.” Mikey beamed at him as one of the girls unlocked the brake on his bed and wheeled him out of the room. 

Gerard stared at the empty space where the bed had been. His heart sinking. He knew from what Frank had told him that he had nothing to worry about. Still, the image of Mikey laying on a table while doctor’s worked a tube up through his entire body to his heart, wasn’t the most pleasant thing to visualize. 

Donna had returned to her book, her foot swinging anxiously. 

Gerard leaned back onto the cot, paying attention to the time on the clock. It was 4:27pm. 

He let out a sigh and tried to focus on something else. 

He flipped through the pages of a magazine, having to read articles numerous times because his brain wasn’t digesting the information. He glanced back up at the clock. _4:42_. Fifteen minutes had passed. It felt like it had been way longer than that. 

He felt a buzz against his thigh. 

He pulled his phone out and tapped on the screen. 

He smiled at the name the popped up, clicking on the new message from Frank. 

**Frank** : What a nerd. He wont shut up about Harry Potter. 

For a second Gerard thought maybe he had text the wrong person. 

**Gerard** : huh? 

**Frank** : Mikey. He’s blabbering on about the different houses? Whatever that means. 

**Gerard** : You’re with him?! How?

**Frank** : Came in early. Been a minute since I’ve been in the cath lab. Figured I could use a refresher. :) 

Gerard’s smile grew. 

**Frank** : He’s doing great. I wont leave his side. 

Gerard felt his pulse intensify in his neck. 

He exhaled on the breath he wasn’t aware he had been holding. 

**Gerard** : Thank you. So much. 

**Frank** : Hey! No sweat. What are frendz for anyway? ;) 

Gerard laughed at his phone. His stomach going crazy with butterflies. He knew it was going to be difficult keeping his feelings at bay, but with Frank like this, it made it feel almost impossible. 

He sighed and put his phone down. Keeping the screen up so he could see if and when Frank text him again. 

Friends. Friends was good. That was enough. It _had_ to be. Right?


	12. Chapter 12

_ **Frank‘s POV** _

  
He always felt like he was in a sci-fi movie when in the cath lab. It was different than the typical operating room. It had large equipment in corners and a wall with huge screens. The bright lights above bounced off of the sterile white walls, making the room feel larger than it really was. The room was always kept at a low temperature, and Frank believed, that if it weren’t for the masks over the staff’s mouths, you could see their breath. He was off to the side, in a small room, a thick glass window separating him from what was happening in the lab. He stood watching as the doctor focused on the images showing the contrast flowing through Mikey’s arteries.  
It was awesome. One second, it just looked like an image of nothing. Black and gray shapes filling the dual screens against the wall. Then the next second, the contrast finally pushed it’s way through, illuminating the path of blood flow. It reminded him of standing in a tall building and watching street lights come on down below, acting as the city’s very own vascular system.

He couldn’t tell what the doctor was saying through his surgical mask but he could tell his mouth was moving, the strings of the mask moving alongside his jaw muscles. 

Mikey was very still, his nervous energy from before now nonexistent. 

Frank stood, arms across his chest as the doctor slowly began to remove the catheter and the cath nurses moved to help finish the procedure. 

He stood waiting for one of them to walk out of the lab, ready with a horde of questions. 

Finally, the first one emerged back into the wash area.

“How’d it go? What’s Schechter think?” He tried to keep his tone level, not wanting to draw any suspicion about his heavy interest in this particular patient. 

The nurse shrugged, stepping forward to wash her hands. “He thinks there’s definitely something there. He’s gonna take a closer look at the images.” 

Frank was hoping for a definitive answer but this was still promising. There was something there. He could at least give Gerard that. 

He knew that Gerard was anxious, waiting for anything Frank could tell him, so he slipped out of room and headed for the stairs, not wanting to wait for the elevator. 

He opened the door to the 9th floor and weaved through the west wing, heading for Mikey’s room. 

As he approached the door, he heard the familiar voices of Gerard and his mom. 

“ _Shit_.” He couldn’t just waltz in there and be like “Hey! The doctor thinks he found something.” Donna would absolutely lose her shit and staying on her good side was imperative. 

He leaned against the wall, pulling his phone and sending a quick message to Gerard. 

**Frank** : hallway 

He heard the soft ding on Gerard’s phone. 

He waited maybe a few seconds before Gerard emerged through the door.

His eyes were questioning, somewhat frantic. 

“What is it, Frank? Is Mikey okay?”

Frank raised a finger to his lips and grabbed onto Gerard’s sleeve, pulling him away from Mikey’s room and into an empty one a few doors down.

“Mikey’s fine.” He checked to make sure no one was coming down the hall before turning to face Gerard. “They were just finishing up.” 

Gerard nodded, relief washing over his face.

“I don’t have a lot of details, but Dr. Schechter did see something. He needs to look at the images more, but Gee, he saw _something_.” 

He waited for a reaction from Gerard, watching as his face moved between relief, a hint of happiness and then settling back on worry. 

“What if it’s something bad? What it’s something that can’t be treated.” 

Frank thought about his questions. They held a form of truth to them. Just because they possibly had an answer, didn’t mean the answer was a good one.

“Well.” Frank thought this words out, making sure to be sensitive, “Whatever it is, whatever Schechter tells us, I mean you. Your family. Uh.” He gripped the back of his neck, his hands still cold from the lab. “Just take it day by day. And I’ll be there, as much as you want me to be.” 

He instantly felt stupid, hearing how available he had made himself appear. 

He was surprised when he felt Gerard lunge onto him, wrapping his arms around him and pulling him in for a tight hug. 

“Thank you, Frankie.” Gerard whispered against his head, his hands digging into his back. 

Frank felt the chill go over his body, as Gerard’s breath and words hit his skin. He wrapped his arms around him, his right hand rubbing small circles on Gerard’s back. Frank couldn’t help but notice how well they fit together. There was no awkward repositioning or uncomfortableness. It just felt _natural_ , like their bodies had been carved from the same material and finally had found their way back together. Maybe that was why he felt such a strong pull to Gerard from the start? His body knowing before his brain did that Gerard was different; special. Before his thoughts got any deeper, he felt Gerard let out a small cough, his arms loosening and taking a step back. 

“I should probably get back in there.” Gerard looked down at his feet. Frank hated how Gerard resisted what was so obvious. There was no way in hell he didn’t feel what Frank just had. He wouldn’t push him though. He _couldn’t_. He wasn’t sure what role Gerard wanted him to play in his life, and at this point, he didn’t care. As long as he was a part of it. 

“Yeah, yeah. Of course. They’ll be bringing him back down soon.” 

Gerard nodded, smiling meekly. 

“He’ll have to be super careful for the next few days.” Frank instructed, naturally switching back to nurse mode. “His incision site will be super touchy and we don’t want it to reopen.”

Gerard laughed. “Yes, sir.” A mocking look on his face, his hand to his head in a salute.

“Or do whatever. Just if you faint from all the blood, I’m not taking care of your ass.”

Gerard pouted. 

“I have never fainted from blood, Frank. It’s just the ne-“

“Yeah yeah. I know.” Frank waved his hand toward the door, escorting Gerard back to the hallway. “The _needles_.” 

Gerard playfully pushed against his shoulder, making Frank fall gently against the wall. 

Frank turned to Gerard, his eyebrows scrunched but a smirk playing at his lips.

He grabbed Gerard by the wrist and pulled him to his chest, his hand making a fist. 

“I’ll beat your ass.” He tried to make it come out serious but even he could hear how unthreatening he sounded, his smile showing the lie behind his warning. 

Gerard let out a giggle. Frank felt his breath catch. He realized just how close he was to Gerard. How he was pressed against him. His hand tight around Gerard’s wrist, feeling his pulse against his fingertips. The breath from his giggle landing so close to Frank’s mouth. He could almost taste him. He wanted to pull him in, remind him what their kisses felt like. 

“I don’t remember that being the way it went.” Gerard was still softly giggling against him.

“Wh-what?” Frank forced himself to swallow and focus on what he had said to Gerard, his mind coming up blank. 

Gerard looked at him, his puzzled look masked with playful suspicion. 

Frank wet his lips, trying to remember what they were talking about. 

“Nothing, Frank.” Gerard peered down at him. His eyes smiling but his mouth stern. Frank was dying inside, ripping down the middle. Every inch of him screaming for him to _Just_. _Move_. _Closer_. God, he wanted to. He needed to. 

“Frank? You okay?” Gerard’s face showing a genuine level of concern this time. 

“Uh yeah.” Frank dropped Gerard’s wrist, his body flinching internally at the disconnect. “I just remembered that I told someone I’d help them with their education module.” 

Gerard raised his eyebrow. 

“Gotta keep up on that stuff. Ya know?” Frank shook his head, trying to get his mind clear. “They’re real hellbent on making sure we stay up to date.” 

“Sure, Frank.” Gerard offered a supportive smile. 

“So I’ll see ya later?” Frank stepped towards the opposite side of the door frame, putting a little bit more space between him and Gerard. He couldn’t take the closeness. His body was burning up from it, desperate for him. 

“Yeah. Of course.” Gerard nodded, his expression trying to read Frank’s. 

“Good good. Alright, man.” Frank raised his open hand, sending a small wave to the confused figure across from him. 

Gerard looked uncomfortable, suddenly. Like Frank’s brashness had been a small slap to the face. He didn’t have time to fix it, he needed to get away. Away from Gerard’s eyes, his lips, his nose and just everything. He couldn’t ruin their newfound boundary just hours after setting it. Gerard would hate him. He needed to pull himself together.

Frank turned to walk down the opposite direction, leaving Gerard standing alone in the hall. 

He could feel his heart in his throat. Pounding against his ribs, begging for it’s newly found addiction to be fed.

_Fuck fuck fuck_.  


He kept his eyes down, his vision dizzying. 

Bad decision. 

He crashed into something hard, sending him stumbling backwards and tripping over his own feet. 

“Ow, Frankie! What the he- what are you doing?” 

Frank sat up, his eyes falling on a confused Jamia. She was rubbing her head. _Fuck_.

“Aw, J.” He jumped to his feet, rushing to help her to hers. He didn’t need to turn and look to know Gerard was still watching him, he could feel it. “Crap, I’m so sorry, J!” He looked her over, making sure there weren’t any apparent bumps or marks from their collision. 

She laughed as he lifted the bangs out of her face, checking her head. 

“Oh stop.” She swatted his hands and reached to flatten her hair back down. “It’s not a big deal. I forgive you,” she smiled at him “but only because it’s your _birthday_!” She pulled her body back slightly before slingshotting herself around Frank’s neck. The “Happy Birthday” song filling the hallway, Jamia not caring that it was off tune. Neither did Frank. 

Frank laughed as he wrapped his arms around her, pulling her tightly against him. 

“Thank you, Jamia.” He pushed her back, looking her in the face. “You’re the best.” 

She linked her arm through his, wrapping their hands together as they set off in the direction Frank had been heading. As they turned the corner, Frank did a quick check down the hall. He could still see Gerard standing there, too far away for Frank to read his expression. 

  
  


* * *

  
  


“Why wouldn’t he tell me it’s his birthday?” Gerard paced in Mikey’s room, his hands on his hips. 

Mikey had been brought back awhile ago, and as soon as his mother checked him over, she went out on the hunt for his doctor. 

Gerard reeling from having watched as Frank ran into the nurse he had meet briefly in the elevator his first day, Jamia? Was that her name? Aside from the gut wrenching physical affection he had to witness her giving him, he had been the most stunned when her voice carried down the hallway, wishing Frank a “happy birthday”.

“Like, that just seems weird. Why wouldn’t he tell me?” Gerard tried to run through the reasons in his head why Frank wouldn’t have told him, he kept coming up empty. 

“Dude. Why does it matter?” Mikey watched as Gerard moved back and forth in front of his bed. His question pulling Gerard’s attention to him. 

“It just, it’s weird. We were just talking about Halloween earlier. Why would he not mention that his birthday happens to fall on it?” Gerard felt his face heat up as he tried to cover his disappointment.

“Maybe he just didn’t feel like sharing that piece of information with you? Idunno.” Mikey shrugged, “I mean most of my personal chauffeurs don’t tell me when it’s their birthday.” 

Gerard felt his face fall. “He isn’t my chauffeur, Mikey.” His eyes glaring. “We’re-“

Gerard felt the word stumble in his throat. Suddenly leaving a bad taste in his mouth. “We’re friends.” 

“Thought you were against new friends?” Mikey raised his eyebrow at him, prodding him on. 

“Frankie is different.” 

Mikey’s eyes went wide, his mouth slightly parting. “ _Frankie_?!” 

Gerard blinked at him. 

“You called him Frankie.” 

“No I didn’t.”

“Gerard, you definitely just did.” 

Gerard stared at his brother, trying to find a way to spin it. 

“Gerard. You like him.” 

“Oh please, Mikey.” Gerard scoffed and walked over to the chair, falling into it helplessly. 

“No, no. You definitely do.” Mikey tried sitting up, his face wincing at his new incision.

He fell back against his pillow, turning just his head to look at his brother. 

“You totally like Frank.” 

Gerard let out a laugh, hoping it was convincing. 

“I think that you’re delusional from your little romp upstairs.” Gerard picked up a magazine. He spread it open, holding it slightly over his face. He could feel his cheeks turning brighter. 

“Holy shit.” 

Gerard ignored him. His eyes scanning over a turkey recipe. 

“This is awesome.”

Gerard pulled the magazine down. 

“What?” Confused at what exactly Mikey meant by that. 

“You and Frank. That would be awesome!” 

Gerard crossed his legs, trying to relax his body to appear uninterested. 

“And why is that?” 

“He’s like this chaotic tiny tornado of energy, right?! Like he does so much. He’s a nurse, plays in a band. He’s all tattooed up and he’s funny and just cool.” Mikey’s voice carried with excitement. “And you. You’re this serious artist, right? You keep to yourself and you’re reserved and you have this look about you that most strangers probably pick up as eerie.” 

“Wow. Thanks, Mikey.” 

“No, no. You pull it off, dude. It’s alluring.”

Mikey let out a laugh. “Dude. No wonder.” He was shaking his head, looking down at himself.

“No wonder what?”

“Frank never shuts up about you.” 

Gerard felt the corner of his mouth pull. 

“When you weren’t in the room, like those first couple of nights when you’d step out to go do whatever, he would talk about you all the time. Makes so much sense.” 

Gerard narrowed his eyes.

“I think you’re reaching, Mikey.” 

He leaned back, pulling the magazine back up to his face. 

“This is great. You and Frank. Me and Kristin. We can have a dual wedding in the hospital chapel.” He let out another laugh.

“Okay, now I really know you’re losing it.” Gerard shook his head. “But you and Kristin, huh?”

Mikey smiled up at the ceiling. “Yeah, man. She’s great.”

Gerard felt a small stab of jealously at how easily Mikey could admit that. Why wouldn’t it be, though? They both lived here. Once Mikey left the hospital, they could do whatever. They weren’t going to have the entire country separating them. 

“As soon as I’m out of here, we’re going to go on an actual date.” Mikey stated, still smiling to himself.

“That’s awesome.” He was happy his brother had something to look forward to after all of this. 

He just hoped it could actually happen. He started thinking about what Frank had said, how the doctor saw “something”. 

He didn’t want to say anything to Mikey, cause that would just add fuel to his little fire about him and Frank. He’d probably get a huge kick out of Frank and him having secret rendezvous, even if it were to just talk about him. He looked over at his brother, his hand gripped loosely to his chest and a serene look on his face as he continued staring upward. 

Mikey made it seem so easy. He made everything seem so easy. He never thought about the problems or consequences, no, that was a trait Gerard had inherited completely, apparently. If he wasn’t living in California, he would have no issue pursuing Frank. Even if he was Mikey’s nurse, that hadn’t stopped them the other night. Gerard wasn’t the worst at relationships, but a long distance one? He needed physical affection. Like he had told Frank, it was better to end it before either of them got more attached. It would just hurt more when he inevitably left. 

He felt a soft sigh leave his body, Mikey not phased in the slightest. Gerard looked out the window, imagining what a date with Frank would be like. A real relationship. Frank crawling into bed with him after a long shift and Gerard always making sure the coffee was made for him when he finally woke up. Gerard pictured himself drawing for his comic and Frank playing guitar lazily on the couch. The melodies acting as a new found muse for Gerard. The whole vision left Gerard feeling warm and oddly comfortable, only for it to be broken and replaced with a sense of emptiness as the realization hit that it was just that; a mirage. Besides, maybe Frank wasn’t even interested in him like that after he had freaked out on him? Gerard had thought things had smoothed out after their talk this morning, but Frank had acted really strangely earlier in the empty room. Like he hadn’t been paying attention to anything Gerard had been saying and making sure there was space between the two of them. Maybe Gerard had ruined that, being all for it one minute and then not the next. Hell, Gerard, could’t blame him. The whole thing was giving him whiplash, too. He wanted Frank, he knew that much. Just, the fucking _obstacles_. Always the obstacles. 

He looked over at Mikey. He had put some headphones on, his eyes closed. 

Gerard pulled his phone out, tapping on his text messages. He stood up and headed towards the door. He stopped as his found the contact he was looking for. He typed out a text, asking if he was available for a quick call. 

**Ray** : for you? Always! 

Gerard headed for the elevators, making sure he was out of range from the ears at the nurses station before hitting the green phone icon next to his best friend’s name. 

The phone didn’t even let out a full ring before Gerard was fronted with Ray’s happy voice filling his head. 

“Hey man! How’s it going? How’s Mikey?” Ray asked, his smile flooding Gerard’s memory. He felt himself smiling back, stepping into the elevator, realizing how much he missed Ray. They had always been close, growing up and leaving Jersey together and searching for new lives in LA, Gerard in comics and Ray in music. There was no one else in the world that Gerard trusted more than Ray. 

“Hey, Toro. I’m good and Mikey is doing surprisingly well.” He paused as the doors started to close, catching a glimpse of Frank walking down the hallway, his face buried in a chart. “I need some advice.” 


	13. Chapter 13

By the time Gerard made it back into Mikey’s room after finishing his phone call with Ray, he found himself slipping into a semi crowded room. His mom hovered over Mikey, standing by his side, her coral painted fingertips resting on his shoulder. Dr. Schechter and Frank stood on the other side of the bed; the back of their heads turned towards Gerard as he quietly closed the door. He moved to the end of the bed, feeling his cheeks redden as every one’s gaze fell on him.

“Sorry, I hope I didn’t miss anything?”

“Not at all.” Dr. Schechter smiled at Gerard before turning back towards Mikey and their mother. Gerard looked at Frank whose eyes were still glued on him before Dr. Schechter’s voice turned his focus back to those in front of them.

“At first, I didn’t see anything major on the images from today’s earlier procedure. However,” Dr. Schechter shifted his weight and cleared his throat. “I took a closer look and there is definitely something that caught my eye. It was located in this area.” Dr. Schechter pointed towards the left side of Mikey’s chest with a pen and continued. “When we shot the dye through, I noticed that when it reached your left subclavian artery, it slowed down. Tremendously.” He paused and let their facial expressions catch up with their undoubted confusion. “Your subclavian is an essential artery that branches off from the aorta in your heart and supplies blood to your head, neck and arms.”

Donna held up her hand. “I mean this in the politest way possible, doc, but we don’t have a clue what you are saying.”

Dr. Schechter let out a little laugh and nodded his head. Gerard noticed how Frank’s body seemed to ease at that. That fact that he had been tense before made Gerard suddenly feel anxious.

“Right, I’m sorry. It’s difficult to sometimes turn off the medical dictionary in my head.” Dr. Schechter smiled at Mikey, who gave him a meek smile in return. His face had gone slightly white.

“What I’m trying to say is, that the dye highlights the act of blood flow and since there was a struggle in that area, it suggests that there is what we call a stenosis, or narrowing, of that particular artery. This sort of thing is not rare.” He smiled softly, as if bracing himself for the “but” that Gerard was sure to follow. “When it’s a significant narrowing in the subclavian artery, like how it presents in your case, it can cause a sort of reversal in blood flow. It’s what we call ‘subclavian steal’, and that is somewhat a rare thing to come across.”

Mikey turned to look at his mom, their eyes meeting as the word “ _rare_ ” fell out of the physicians’ mouth.

Gerard felt his hands starting to ache, causing him to look down at his knuckles which were now a bright pink and white from clenching onto the foot of the hospital bed. He wasn’t a doctor, nor did he pretend to know everything that Dr. Schechter was saying. But he had watched enough medical documentaries on late nights when he couldn’t fall asleep to know that rare was never a good thing. His stomach began to sink at the stillness of the room.

“Rare doesn’t always mean unmanageable, though.” Gerard jerked up at the sheepish voice escaping Frank’s lips, answering Gerard’s exact thoughts.

He had an uncanny way of always knowing exactly what Gerard was thinking. Something that had ultimately made him feel nervous from the start but somehow now in this moment, gave him a small sense of comfort. Their eyes met for a brief second, a look of concern flashing across Frank’s face before Dr. Schechter turned towards Frank and nodded.

“What Frank means is,” His hand landed on Frank’s shoulder and gave a light squeeze causing Frank to wince slightly. “Is that this isn’t a death sentence for Michael.”

“So, this is treatable than?” Donna looked between the two men in scrubs before bringing her painted nails to stroke through her youngest son’s dirty blonde hair.

Dr. Schechter sighed. “Unfortunately, there is no medical intervention that we can do to fully treat his diagnosis.”

The air in the room became stale as Gerard forced himself to exhale.

“What we can do, however, is get Michael started on an antiplatelet therapy regimen. These types of medications will prevent his blood from clotting in the narrowed area, which would prevent serious complications.”

Gerard didn’t need to look at his mom to know that she wasn’t happy with the doctor’s answer.

Dr. Schechter sighed again, this time taking a seat on the edge of Mikey’s bed.

“The good news is that we caught it before any permanent damage had been inflicted. We’ll do monthly checkups to ensure the medication prescribed is doing its job. I’ll be there every step of the way, keeping an eye on things.”

He smiled at Mikey again and reached out to touch his arm. “You can live a long happy life with this, Michael. There’s no reason you can’t go on as normal.”

Mikey smiled at him and nodded his head before extending his hand out.

“Thank you. I’m just happy we have answers now.”

Dr. Schechter stood up and shook Mikey’s hand.

“I’ll order the antiplatelet medication and Frank can get that started tonight.” He turned towards Frank, who nodded at the mention of his own name.

Dr. Schechter turned towards Donna. “I know he’ll be fine because he has a great support system that is going to make him stay on top of his medication and doctor visits.” He winked at their mom whose back immediately stiffened at the new role she was being handed.

“Oh, absolutely!”

Mikey rolled his eyes and let out a soft chuckle.

Dr. Schechter asked if there were any more questions and promised to print out some reading material about Mikey’s diagnosis for Donna to have before he and Frank left the room.

As soon as the door closed, leaving the three of them alone, Mikey shifted his weight on his bed. Any remaining stress seemed to float out of his body.

“Phew. I was fully prepared for the c word!”

Gerard cocked his eyebrow. “Cancer? _Seriously_ , Mikey?”

“Yeah! I mean, I didn’t know what the hell he was gonna tell us.” He laughed shaking his head. “All I could picture was a soggy Mikey Way from enduring multiple rounds of chemo.” He tried his best to make himself look frail and weak.

Gerard shook his head at his brother’s dramatics.

“And people call me the drama queen.” He laughed, moving to stand beside his mom and brother.

Donna laughed and grabbed a hand from each of the boys.

“You two are the biggest pains I could have ever imagined being stuck with.” She smiled at them both playfully. “And I wouldn’t trade either one of you for the world.”

“Aw jeez, mom.” Mikey laughed out loud. “I’m not dying. No need to get sappy on us now.”

Donna looked slightly taken aback before Mikey wrapped his lanky arms around her and pulled her in for a contorting hug.

“We love you, too.” Gerard heard Mikey whisper the words against Donna’s platinum blood hair.

He stood and watched as his brother and mom embraced. Their hug was awkward, the way their bodies lined up. But the image washed over Gerard in a sense of comfort he hadn’t experienced in years. He had missed seeing this, missed the familiarity that was his own family. They had gone through so much together over the years and he felt a sense of pride at just how indestructible they seemed to be. They were like their own little family band of superheroes. He allowed himself to feel the warmth of watching as they seemed to finally be heading towards the final hurdle together. Yeah, Mikey would require monitoring but the doctor was right. With Donna? That kid wasn’t even going to get away with taking his medication a minute late. Plus, Gerard promised himself that he’d also make sure Mikey stayed on top of it. Just straight up tag team the punk. No way would Mikey miss a dose.

He felt his phone vibrate and his mind immediately went back to his earlier phone call.

He pulled his phone out and saw that he had 13 new unread emails from Ray.

_Jesus, he doesn’t waste any time._

“Hey, I gotta call someone really quick. They’re blowing up my email.” Gerard waved his phone at his mom and brother, as if to prove that he wasn’t lying. “I’ll be right back.”

He stepped outside the door, hearing the click behind him as it closed.

He called Ray again, the dial tone shooting sharp ringing into his ears.

After the sixth ring, Gerard hung up. Annoyed because a second later, he received yet another email from Ray.

He began typing out a text to him.

**Gerard** : Okay okay, give me a chance to go through them you asshole!

Just as soon as he hit send, he saw Frank coming down the hallway. His face glued to his own phone screen.

Gerard waited for him to look up as he got closer and closer, but whatever Frank was reading had his full attention.

“Hey!” Gerard reached out for Frank’s arm just as he was about to walk right past him.

Frank jumped, slightly startled. “Oh, hey.” He shoved his phone into his scrub pocket.

Gerard waited for Frank to say something but nothing came out.

“So, sub _something_ steal, huh?” Gerard tried his best to remember the diagnosis the doctor had given Mikey, but when it came to big words, if it wasn’t a chemical that turned someone into a superhero, his brain immediately dumped it out.

Frank laughed lowly. “Subclavian Steal Syndrome, yeah.”

“Sounds wicked.” Gerard bumped his elbow against Frank’s arm playfully, but found the other man’s smile disappearing as he took a small step back.

“Yeah. But the doctor is right. Mikey will be fine. He’ll probably want him to stay here for a few more days, to monitor the start of the medication, but Mikey will be home in no time and everything will be back to normal. I wouldn’t worry about it too much.”

Gerard drew his eyebrows together.

“I’m not worried about it.” His words fell out sharp, annoyed by Frank’s sudden distance.

“Okay, good.” Frank leaned around Gerard to look down the hall, as if he was looking for a way out.

“It’s your birthday.” The words escaped Gerard before he even knew what else he wanted to accompany them.

“What?” Frank looked at him, puzzled.

“The other nurse from earlier, she was singing happy birthday to you?”

“Oh, right. Yeah, Jamia is enthusiastic like that.”

“Why didn’t you tell me?” Gerard moved in, closing the gap between them.

He heard as Frank took a sharp breath in.

“I just, I don’t know. It didn’t seem important.”

Gerard felt a stab of pain at his words.

“Of course it’s important, Frank. Why the hell wouldn’t that be important?”

Frank looked at him, his eyes fighting to hide any sense of emotion.

“Look, I’m sorry. It just slipped my mind. I gotta go, but I’m super happy we got a diagnosis for Mikey. I’ll be by soon to shoot him up with some new shit.”

He winked and gave a quick squeeze to Gerard’s arm and moved around him.

“You still coming by for a movie later? I mean, I’d like to do something for your birthday.” Gerard yelled down the hall at him.

“I’m not sure, we’ll see! It’s a full moon, things get _crazy_ around here!” Frank shot him a smile before turning around the corner and out of sight.

Gerard sank back against the door to Mikey’s room.

Something was definitely up with Frank. 

His hand rubbed against his eyes and he sighed.

He felt his phone buzz. Ray again.

He opened the text message.

**Ray** : This one. I love this one. It screams “Gerard Way.”

Gerard didn’t click on the link associated with the text but just replied with a kissy face emoji before putting his phone back in his pocket. He glanced down the hallway at where Frank had just disappeared.

Was Frank just acting like that because he thought that’s how Gerard wanted him to act?

No. That didn’t make sense. Their relationship had seemed natural this morning. Not like this. Not forced.

“Jesus.” Gerard groaned again, the events of the long day washing back over him.

He felt his phone buzz, again.

“Oh my god, Raaaay.” He exhaled as he pulled out his phone again.

He looked at his screen, his expression changing from slight irritation to surprise when he was met with a name other than Ray’s.

He clicked on the new message.

“Hey! Not sure what u’ve got goin on tomorrow but wanna grab some breakfast and catch up?”

Gerard hesitated, but only for a brief second.

**Gerard** : Sure, Bert! Just let me know where!

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm so sorry for the hiatus I took but here! Have a chapter.


	14. Chapter 14

“Breakfast? With Bert?”

Gerard had moved himself back into his brother’s room, and if he had known he was going to be under scrutiny for accepting a harmless breakfast invite with a longtime friend, he wouldn’t have answered his brother’s quizzical expression when he saw Gerard laughing down at his phone.

“Yes, Mikey. _Breakfast_.” Gerard huffed out. “With Bert.”

Mikey crossed his arms, one of his eyebrows still raised. “Is that such a good idea?”

“Jesus, Mikey. Bert and I grew up together. He was my best friend for majority of my high school and even college career.” Gerard threw his arms across his chest, trying his best to look annoyed. “He’s been worried about you and it’d be nice to catch up with him without this awkward expectation of addressing the past hanging over us.”

Mikey shrugged his shoulders and went back to his comic book. He let out a long-drawn sigh before muttering out “I still don’t think it’s the best idea.”

“What’s not the best idea?” Frank entered the room, his face glowing and carrying a different kind of energy than before. He seemed like he was bouncing out of his skin, the way he strutted over to the computer, not even making eye contact with the two brothers.

“Oh good, Frank. Maybe you can talk some sense into him.” Mikey shifted his weight, pulling himself more upfront in his bed.

“Mikey, don’t-“ Gerard’s eyes narrowed in on his brother, threatening him to say another word.

Mikey avoided his gaze, his attention fully on Frank, who was furiously typing away on the keyboard.

“Gerard has this ex-boyfriend, Bert, and Bert just text him out of the blue, asking him to catch up over breakfast.” Mikey spilled out. “And like that’s cool and all, but their relationship was just plain shit. And neither one of them think with the head on their _shoulders_.”

“Mikey!” Gerard felt his face flush, too afraid to look over as the typing fell silent.

He heard Frank turn the swivel stool in Mikey’s direction.

“Bert McCracken?” He finally let out.

“Yeah! That’s the one.”

Another pause from Frank’s side of the room.

“I know Bert. He’s a good guy. Breakfast doesn’t sound so terrible.”

Gerard snapped his head up at the now still nurse on the other side of the room. Frank kept his eyes on Mikey, a slight rose color rising softly on his cheeks. Gerard watched as Frank let out a small smile before returning to his computer. There was a hint of something blue on the corner of Frank’s mouth.

_Icing?_ That would explain why he came in the room like a tornado on crack.

Frank let out another cough. “Speaking of your brother.”

Gerard felt his heart freeze at that.

“He might want to turn away?” Frank finally turned to Gerard, his expression cold but his eyes holding something more. Something Gerard couldn’t quite place from across the room.

“Turn away?” He repeated back.

Frank stood up, reaching into his scrub pocket. He pulled out a small vial and two small closed packages.

“Yeah. I’m about to administer Mikey’s new medication.” He gently shook the vial and walked closer to Mikey’s IV line, leaning over his body as he checked to make sure the placement was still good. He leaned over just enough that the weight of whatever was in his front scrub pockets pulled his shirt forward, exposing the bright splotches of ink on Frank’s upper chest and casting a darkened outline further down his abdomen. The shoulders of the scrub top tightened around his around his biceps, the deep blue playing a nice contrast to the black lines decorating his olive skin.

“Oh.” Gerard whispered out, unmoving.

“Gerard?” Frank looked up at him, his face now tightly serious. “Needle. Look away.”

“Oh. _OH_!” Gerard fumbled in his chair, swiftly turning his body to look out the window, down onto the street below them.

He waited as he heard the opening of the packages, the sound of the needle inserting the rubber stopper in the vial and then finally, the click of the needle safety, disclosing that there was no longer a needle in sight.

Gerard turned around, watching as Frank went over and dropped the used needle into the hanging box on the wall.

“Is this going to make me sleepy?” Mikey flexed his arm, as if trying to push the medication faster through his veins.

Frank laughed. “Nah, man. It’s not that type of drug. Sorry.” He slapped Mikey’s shoulder and went back to the computer, adding in a few more clicks.

“That’s it for me, for now anyway. Press your call light if you need anything, okay? But don’t get greedy.”

He laughed at his own joke as he headed back towards the bustling hallway.

Gerard didn’t even realize that his body had pushed itself out of the chair and was following him out the door.

“Frank, wait.” Gerard’s mouth moved, as if possessed by someone else.

“What’s up, man?” Frank turned and looked at him, his head cocked slightly.

_Man_? Gerard repeated the word in his head.

Frank waited, his hands in his scrub pockets.

“Uh, nothing. You just have some blue icing on your mouth.”

Frank’s eyes slightly widened, his hand reactively reaching for the corner of his mouth and swiping any lingering icing away.

“Thanks.” Frank laughed. “I lose my mind when it comes to a good vegan cupcake.”

Gerard nodded, still feeling weird at how Frank had addressed him.

Man.

Seemed so... _informal_.

“Did you, uh, did you mean what you said in there?” Gerard swallowed, his saliva feeling like cement as he felt it slide down his esophagus.

“About?” Frank’s eyes fell on Gerard’s, the intensity behind them melting Gerard in place.

“Abou-about Bert. Breakfast.”

Frank eyes softened and he shifted his weight, before letting out a dry laugh, almost bark like.

“Yeah, I mean.” Frank ran his hand through his hair. “It’s whatever. As your friend, why does it even matter how I feel about that?”

Gerard felt his eyes narrow, impulsively.

“You should see all of your friends before heading back to LA. I’m sure you have a lot of people who’d like to see ya. The _famous_ comic book author.” He waved his hands, elaborating on the word famous, and laughed again.

Gerard immediately felt annoyed with the man in front of him.

Before he could stop himself, he grabbed onto Frank’s arm and pulled him in the direction of the stairwell.

“Gerard, what the hell?” Frank stammered as Gerard threw the heavy door open and forced them into the empty stair platform.

“Yeah, exactly, Frank. What the hell is wrong with you?” Gerard hissed out through clenched teeth.

Frank glared at him and leaned against the wall, bringing one foot to rest against it and his arms across his chest. “What do you mean? I’m fine.”

Gerard let the anger settle into his face. “No, you were _fine_ this morning at my house. You were _fine_ in the uber ride over here. You were _fine_ when you snuck into my brother’s procedure and you were _fine_ when came and told me how it went. This,” Gerard mocked Frank’s sarcastic hand movement from minutes before. “Is _not_ fine.”

“I don’t know what you want from me, Gerard.” Frank pushed himself off the wall, standing straight in front of Gerard. His eyes glowing with the same intensity as before. This time Gerard could make out exactly what it was, it was anger.

“Frank, I want-“ Gerard began to stammer out, taken aback by the heavy emotion pouring out from the man in front of him.

“Actually, I don’t really care what you want, because it will most likely change in the next half hour anyway.” Frank bit out.

Gerard narrowed his eyes, not responding because he knew Frank had a point. The fact that he admitted that to himself made him even more on edge.

“You’re a fuck.” Frank spat out.

“Excuse me?” Gerard let out softly, the blood in his head pounding.

“You heard me.” Frank spat out, not backing down.

Gerard pursed his lips together and exhaled deeply through his lips, his hands drawn in tight fists.

Frank looked up at him, his angry eyes peering through his darkened lashes. For a second, Gerard thought that the smaller man was shaking, like a dog wanting to lash out and just waiting for his master’s command.

“Fran-“ Gerard attempted to get the name out of his mouth but was interrupted by a clash of hardened lips on his own. Frank moved his mouth angrily against his; Gerard too taken aback to react. He felt Frank’s fists clench into his shirt as he pulled him closer to him. He could feel the heaviness of Frank’s breath escaping from his nose, heating along Gerard’s top lip. Frank let out a low growl at the lack of movement from Gerard’s end, causing Gerard to focus back on the lips and tongue wrapping around his own mouth.

He reached up and placed his hands firmly on Frank’s shoulders, pushing his hard against the cold tiled wall behind him. He felt his lips begin to move against Frank’s, their anger fueling their fight for dominance. Frank tasted sweet and hot and it only made Gerard’s intensity pick up. He was a recovering addict, and although he had only had a few tastes of Frank before this moment, his body had built a small dependence on just how good Frank tasted and felt. He felt a moan escape his mouth as he admitted this to himself, sending the other man into a shriveling mess against him. Gerard felt the power escape Frank’s kiss, getting high off how he quickly he made the other man surrender.

“Wait.” Frank pulled back. Gerard reluctantly removed his mouth from his and looked at him. Their chests rising and falling in quickness from exertion.

“This isn’t.” He dropped his hands from Gerard’s shirt and moved them to rest folded on top of his head, his eyes closed. “I didn’t mean to do that.”

Gerard laughed into the curve of Frank’s neck. “You sure?”

Frank let out a sigh.

“Actually, no. I don’t know, Gerard.” He pushed himself away from the older man and went to sit on the bottom step. “I don’t know anything when it comes to you.”

The shift in seriousness echoed throughout the vacant stairwell, stirring the air between them.

“What do you mean?” Gerard leaned against the wall now, his anger and passion dissipating from his body.

“That’s just it. I don’t know. One second, I’m willing do to just about anything to keep you close to me.” Frank buried his head in his hands. “Even agreeing to your stupid ‘just friends’ bullshit. Because having you as a friend is at least having you.”

Gerard watched on as Frank let his feelings spill out.

“The next minute, I can’t stand to be near you, because I swear to God, you’re intoxicating to me. You have this insane pull on me, and I can’t control it.” Frank whispered out, his eyes down on is shoes.

Gerard shifted, understanding exactly what Frank was saying.

Frank was intoxicating, too.

“I can’t, I can’t force myself to stand there and pretend like I don’t want you, when you’ve been the only thing I can focus on for the past few weeks.”

Gerard felt his heart sink at the heaviness of Frank’s words.

“Frankie.”

Frank jumped up to his feet, his eyes soft and red.

“Gerard, I can’t be just your friend.” His eyes pleading. “I need more. I know you’re going back to LA. And trust me, I don’t have all the answers, but-“

“Frankie, please listen to me.” Gerard breathed out.

“No, I’m putting my cards on the table.” Frank stood up straight again, regaining his strength from earlier.

Gerard could only stand and admire him, the beautiful, raw and disheveled man in front of him.

“So, now you know. And if that’s not what you want, then I hope you’ll respect the boundaries I need to have in place so that I can at least think when I’m around you. I can’t _just_ be your friend, Gerard.”

Frank paused, waiting for Gerard to say something.

“Okay, Frank.”

“Okay?” He cocked his head slightly, again. His eyes showing a small spark of hope.

“Okay.” Gerard took a deep breath. “I’ll respect your boundaries.” He instantly felt his heart tighten at his own words and how Frank’s face fell at the sound of them.

He nodded and quickly looked back down at his feet.

“Frank. Please listen.”

Frank held his hand up and dropped it instantaneously, his defeat falling on his shoulders. He turned and opened the door back into the nursing wing. Before Gerard could reach out and grab him, he moved swiftly through the door frame and out of sight, leaving Gerard to himself. Gerard sank into the now vacant spot on the lower step, the only other sign of life was the echoing voices from several floors below. He let out a sigh and leaned against the cold bars of the handrail next to him, the hurt in Frank’s eyes projecting into his mind.

Frank was right. He was a fuck.


	15. Chapter 15

"So. Why didn't you just tell him?" Gerard scrunched his face at the simplicity of the question, knowing the answer should be just as easy. He moved the phone to his other ear, and adjusted himself on the wooden chair. He had been waiting for Bert for about twenty minutes. Growing impatient and with the need to talk to someone about the events that had happened between him and Frank the night before, he had dialed up Ray. 

"Because what if it falls through?" Gerard sighed. His answer did hold a sort of truth to it. He didn't want to get Frank's hopes up. Nor his own. Although, the more he talked to Ray about it, the more he felt himself getting excited. It was useless, his pep-talks to himself. He was always the kind of person that got completely wrapped up in an idea. Sometimes it proved to be toxic, well, most of the time. But, what usually greeted him when those ideas came to fruition was nothing short of magical. He really hoped that this time would be no different.

"Huh." Ray let out a mix of a snort and grunt. "Yeah, okay. I suppose that's a good point." 

Before Gerard could respond, he heard the little bell above the door chime, his head reacting impulsively and swinging up to finally meet Bert's face, as he entered the quiet coffee shop. Gerard had pretended not to know about the cute coffee shop on the corner when Bert told him where to meet him, had even asked him for directions. In fact, this was the exact same one Frank had taken him to his first morning back in Jersey. Where they had sat across from one another, the rising golden rays falling and hitting Frank perfectly in his eye line, causing the hazel of his iris' to almost look inflamed. 

Bert smiled at him and nodded, walking in his direction.

"Hey Ray, I gotta go. I promise I'll either call or text later." Gerard didn't wait to hear a response, before disconnecting from the call. He was sure he'd get his ass chewed out for that one. Ray hated being hung up on.

"Sorry, Gee." Bert pulled the adjacent chair backwards, plopping himself down onto it roughly. "I forgot to set my alarm." He rubbed his eyes and sent a toothy grin in Gerard's direction.

"No worries." Gerard leaned back, softly twirling his phone in a circle on the smooth table. 

"Did you already order?' Bert raised his eyebrow, half shifting his body towards the counter. 

"No, I figured the polite thing to do would be to wait for you." 

"Since when have we ever been polite to one another?" Bert cracked his infamous Bert McCracken smile, the one that caused just about any person on the receiving end of it to fall in love with him. 

Gerard laughed. "Fair point." 

Bert extended his hand out to Gerard, "Shall we?" 

Gerard raised his eyebrow at him and playfully smacked his hand away. "Yeah, I'm in desperate need of caffeine." He laughed again as Bert held his hand close to him, acting as if Gerard had seriously injured him. 

They stood in silence as they ordered their coffees, both just black with a bit of cream and both choosing a pastry from behind the counter. Gerard had gone for the lemon poppy seed muffin and Bert chose a strawberry cream cheese danish. 

They headed back to their table, falling back down into their chairs. They sipped on their hot coffees and Gerard picked at his muffin, popping little chunks of it delicately into his mouth. Bert finished his danish in about three bites. 

"I'm not gonna lie," Gerard took a sip of the hot brown liquid, "I was kinda surprised you wanted to meet up."

"Why's that?" Bert didn't look at him, but eyed at Gerard's half eaten muffin.

Gerard laughed, pushing the remainder of his pastry towards his still obviously hungry friend. 

"Idunno." Gerard shrugged. "Just was. We didn't leave on the best of terms."

Bert laughed. "Yeah, you just left, dude." He finished the last of the muffin in two swift bites. "I was shocked to see you back here." He folded the paper cup the muffin had been sitting in and crossed his arms across the table top. "Speaking of, how is Mikey?"

"Oh, he's really good!" Gerard sat up, excited to talk about anything other than their past. "We actually got a diagnosis!" 

Bert's eye's lit up at that. "Well it's about god damn time." He scoffed. "Kid's been through so much. You all have." 

Gerard nodded.

He was glad that Bert had been there to see the bad and the good days growing up. He understood just how much the Way family had sacrificed, mostly MIkey. It was nice for someone to have seen it all first hand, made it feel real. Even though Gerard had literally lived it, whenever he told stories of his childhood; the passing out spells, the hospital visits, the nights he'd walk in on his mom crying on the kitchen floor, bills scattered all over the floor, it never felt real. The other person couldn't visualize it, because they hadn't been there. So it always felt like a distant fantasy to Gerard. Bert could though. 

"So, uh, how are you?" Gerard immediately felt dumb for asking. 

"Me?" Bert pointed at himself. "I'm great, man." 

"Good. Yeah, Frank told me you've been clean for quite some time now. That's awesome to hear." Gerard shifted uncomfortably, not knowing if Bert was okay with him mentioning his sobriety. "I'm super proud of you."

Bert flashed him another smile. "Thank you. Life got super dark there for a while." His eyes seemed to glaze over, as if flashes of the past played through his mind as if on a projector screen. "But I don't need to tell you about that. You know. You tried to get me to listen." 

Gerard shook his head. "You just weren't ready. I had reached my rock bottom, it wasn't fair for me to assume that it was yours too." 

They sat in silence for a second before Bert leaned backwards in his chair. 

"Speaking of Frank." His eyes danced playfully. "How's that going?"

Gerard regretted mentioning Frank's name. "It's not." 

"And why is that?" Bert asked sarcastically, his voice hinting at already knowing the answer.

"Because, it's just not. Currently." Gerard raked his brain, searching for any sort of topic to use to change the subject. 

"I figured you would have made up by now. He's super cute when he pouts. Even drunk." Bert laughed. 

Gerard said nothing, only taking a slow sip of his coffee. He suddenly wished that Ray would call him, yell at him for hanging up. Anything was better than watching Bert sit across from him, his lips curling up in that stupid devilish 'know all' smile. 

"You thought he was pretty cute the night of his show." Bert let out in a low sing song voice.

"His looks aren't the issue, Bert." Gerard snapped softly, finally giving in to the conversation. 

"Then what is the issue?" Bert asked quizzically. 

"Location." 

Bert let out a loud laugh. Startling Gerard across from him as well as the barista behind the counter. 

Gerard shot her a sheepish smile, apologizing for Bert's outburst.

"You will literally find any way to run from a guy, Gerard." Bert picked his cup up, his body softly shaking from the continued laughter pouring out from behind his grinning lips. 

"That's not true." Gerard felt himself preparing to go on the defense. 

"Uh, yes it is." Bert sipped his coffee and sat it back down. He scooted his chair closer to the table and leaned over the top, his arms outstretched over it, as if he were showing off an invisible map.

"If it was't the location, it would be that he's Mikey's nurse. If it wasn't his career, it would because you don't date musicians. If it wasn't that it would be because you need to focus on your own work." Bert's eyes widened, daring Gerard to speak back. "I know you, Gerard. I know how scared you get. I was in the closet with you, remember?" 

Gerard said nothing, but felt his face soften. 

"God, that was a shit show." Bert sat back in his chair, running his hand through his loose blonde hair. "Every single person knew we were together but the only person who said we weren't, was you." 

"Bert, that's not fair. I wasn't ready." 

"Yeah, I know." Bert nodded understandingly. "But Gerard, I've kept up on you." He paused, letting Gerard's smug face enjoy the sentence. "Not that I had a choice. What, with you being the best thing this city has ever produced." They both laughed at that. "In all the articles I've read about you, all the interviews and red carpets, you are always alone."

"What's your point, Bert?" Gerard was growing tired of the conversation. 

"My point is, stop looking for fucking reasons to be so scared, man." Bert smacked his palms down onto the table lightly. "People are going to get tired of waiting for you to be ready. People are going to find new things to fawn over. Unless you give them a reason to stay." Bert leaned in closer. "Frank is probably the best guy you will ever meet. He's probably one of the most sincere and passionate guys' that's ever walked into my bar. And I can promise you, Gerard, if you don't get your egotistical selfish ass in check, one day, years from now, you're going to find yourself thinking back on your time with him, you're going to feel like you're finally ready, you'll look him up and it will be too late, man." 

Gerard felt his stomach drop. 

"You'll always find that you're too late." Bert sighed. A sudden heaviness falling on his face.

"Bert?" Gerard raised his eyebrow. "You good?" 

He nodded before taking a slow sip of his coffee.

"Yeah, yeah. Just. Whatever needs to be done. Do it." Bert pointed a finger at Gerard.

It reminded Gerard of when his high school art teacher would scold him, saying he was too trapped in his own fear of failure. That he needed to embrace the things his mind created. His art teacher had been right then, so maybe Bert wasn't grasping at straws now.

Gerard sighed again, leaning his torso against the rough edge of the table. He closed his eyes and let himself think. Even if Bert was right, Frank had made it clear from their encounter earlier that he was done. Gerard could apologize, but would it fall on deaf ears? How would even begin to apologize. He had been so back and forth that Frank probably wouldn't even believe him and Gerard couldn't really blame him for that. 

"He has a show coming up in two nights." Bert picked at his fingernail, acting oblivious to Gerard's obvious inner turmoil. "You should try to make it." 

Gerard nodded. Two nights. That would give him time to sort out his head and get his words right. Would even give him time to get with Ray about-

"Hey." Bert's face had softened. He no longer looked like a pissed off father, giving the 'I'm so disappointed in you' speech. "Just so you know, everyone here is super proud of you. What you've accomplished. Myself included."

Gerard smiled at him. "Thanks Bert, that means a lot to me. Truly."

Bert smiled back at him.

"When do I get compensated?" He asked, his face drawn in a serious line but his voice still soft and playful. 

Gerard barked out a laugh. "Compensated for _what_ exactly?!"

"Let's not forget who had to listen to you ramble on about superhero orphans at three in the morning." 

Gerard rolled his eyes and scoffed. "Oh, like you weren't getting anything out of that arrangement, hm?"

Bert laughed again. The tense air between them completely evaporated now. 

"Such sweet sweet payment." He winked before leaning back in his chair, folding his arms above his head. 

"I'm really proud of you too, Bert." Gerard hoped his voice sounded as sincere as he really felt. Back then, if someone had told him that he would be a famous comic book author and Bert would be a successful bar owner, the two boys would have turned to each other and laughed before crashing against one another. They had fed off each others darkness back then, fueled by copious amounts of drugs and alcohol. Now here they were, years later. Sitting in a coffee shop, at a decent time in the morning, not nursing a hangover and passing as somewhat respectable adults. 

Bert smiled at him again, his lips lopsided. Making Gerard think that he was having the exact same thought as him. They had somehow pulled themselves from their own personal hell and even though Gerard still had a bit of climbing to do, no one had to worry that he was going to be found dead somewhere. Himself included. 

They sat in the shop for about another hour. Bert sharing stories of his path to sobriety, how he came into owning the bar and how good New Jersey was treating him. Gerard told him of awkward Hollywood elites and where he envisioned his comic book series going. He hoped to see it on a television screen one day. 

They stayed until Bert got a call from someone, claiming that there was a small leak at the bar. 

They walked out into the cold autumn wind and stood silently, looking at one another. 

"Don't let that beautiful chaotic brain of yours get so full of scary ideas." Bert nudged his shoulder. "Or you'll have a hard time telling what's real and what's meant for your stories." 

Gerard nodded and smiled meekly. He pulled Bert in for a hug. 

"Wow. Gerard Way, giving another man physical affection, in _public_?" Bert gasped jokingly as he tightened his arms around Gerard. 

Gerard couldn't help but laugh at that. 

"You should take a shower." He retorted back. "You smell like ass."

Bert laughed, shaking his head and pulling away. "And you're complaining?" 

Gerard felt his face heat at that. "Goodbye, Bert."

He turned on his heels and walked down the street to his mother's parked car, listening to Bert's obnoxious laugh carry him down the opposite direction to his own vehicle. He rubbed his hands together, the cold New Jersey wind had started to pick up. His pace quickening as he finally caught sight of the car. He unlocked the door and practically jumped in, desperate to get the bitter stinging off his face. He turned the key in the ignition, bringing the car to life and heat blaring through the vents. 

He leaned back against the gray upholstered headrest. He let Bert's words flow over him again. 

He pulled out his phone and went to the text thread with Ray. He scrolled for a second until he found the attachment Ray had sent him the other day. He clicked on it, waiting for the page to load. Gerard felt his heart rate begin to accelerate. It wasn't a bad type of anxious though. It was like when he finally had the story line for his comic. It was excitement. It was a rush. He scrolled through the details on the page, stopping when he came across the contact information he was looking for. He pushed the number and watched as his phone began dialing. 

He waited, letting the dial tone build his anticipation. He finally heard the click over as the person on the other end answered. 

"Hello?" A woman's voice asked.

"Hi. Uh, is this Megan?" He licked his lips as he felt his voice go dry.

"Yes, it is. Can I help you?"

"I uh, I was just searching online and came across one of your listings. I was wondering if you would be available for a showing today?”


	16. Chapter 16

The next two days flew by. Gerard found himself swamped in phone calls, email chains and text messages. He felt like he had never looked at his phone so much in his entire life. Even when he slept, he would wake up in a sudden anxious state, thinking he had heard his phone go off or because he thought he had forgotten to reply to someone. He knew the process was going to be tough; that his editors weren't going to be super stoked about his sudden desire to do everything over a facetime call or zoom meeting. Some of his coworkers told him that he should think about it and weren't sure what had sparked the need for a sudden move. Gerard ended up just saying that he wanted to be closer to his family. That he felt he had already missed out on so much and now, with Mikey going home soon, he was going to need to be there to make sure Mikey did everything he was supposed to do. Gerard hated sharing personal information with people, especially business collegues, but once they heard about his brother, they seemed to jump on board with Gerard's decision. It's not like that wasn't the truth either. His main reason for picking everything up and moving back to Jersey was definitely Mikey. However, he couldn't say that Frank didn't have a small part in it, either. 

Speaking of, the past two days had been hell in regards to Frank. Gerard had called him a couple of times, sent him a text asking him to just talk to him, and he was met with radio silence. He was Mikey's nurse the night before and had been the one to break the news that the doctor thought he would be able to discharge the following evening. Something the Way family was very thankful for. Gerard couldn't help but notice how Frank kept it stictly professional when he would come to Mikey's room. Not even cracking a joke with his brother and definitely not engaging with Gerard. Frank of course had come and said good bye to Mikey before leaving the following morning. Donna had even given him a hug, thanking him for being the "best nurse" ever and him and Mikey did that weird bro handshake-hug combo. Gerard had to sit back and watch as his family drooled over Frank, showering him in compliments and all he could do was scream internally about how much he owed Frank, how much he cared and how much he was willing to change to prove it to him. The words never came out. Gerard slipped out of the room, in need of some fresh air. He sat outside watching as the day shift started piling in and the night shift zombies started heading towards the parking garage. Gerard watched as Frank and a group of nurses huddled together, talking loudly about a nearby pub and buzzing with excitement about having the night off. Frank had looked excited, restless and even when their eyes met, Gerard thought maybe he had caught a little glimpse of a smile. That seemed highly doubtful and even if he had, Gerard was sure it wasn't meant for him. 

Gerard tried not to dwell on it too much, though. He shoved his hands into his pockets and let his fingers wrap around the newly acquired silver key. Gerard would get his chance tonight at Frank's show. He just hoped that for once in his life, he didn't chicken out. 

* * *

"Mikey, you should let us take you back to mom's house." Gerard pleaded, shoving Mikey's belongings into a plastic back with the hospital's logo on it.

"No. I want my bed. I miss my bed so fucking much." Mikey whined, already dressed in a fresh pair of sweatpants and misfits tee. As soon as the doctor had confirmed he could leave that afternoon, Mikey had been impatiently pacing back and forth, just waiting for the greenlight. 

"Dude, I get that." Gerard looked over at him. "But I can't stay with you tonight, I have plans. The thought of you being by yourself your very first night out of here, it just doesn't sit right."

Mikey shrugged his shoulders. "Who said I'll be alone?"

Gerard raised an eyebrow at him. " _Will_ you be alone?"

"Nope." Mikey smiled, swinging his feet loosely off the side of his bed, his face glazing over into a daydream state. 

Gerard laughed to himself, shaking his head. His kid brother. Leave it to him. 

As the day grew on, Gerard started feeling impatient. He was ready to leave the hospital, too. He found himself checking the time on his phone so often that only a few minutes had passed between each check. Finally, shortly after the day shift nurse came in and did her final round of vitals for the day, the doctor signed off on Mikey's discharge. Mikey looked so happy when the nurse came in, telling him to grab his coat because it was freezing outside. Donna looked even happier. So much so, Gerard thought about sliding her the box of tissues that sat next to him on the windowsill. This hadn't been Mikey's longest hospital stay, that one reached over a month, but this one had felt more exhausting. Even though they had only been there for two weeks, it had felt like half a year. Gerard didn't care though and he could tell his mother and brother didn't either, because this time, they had answers. They had a diagnosis and a pretty good prognosis. As they walked out of the hospital together, Gerard thought to himself for the very first time since Mikey's first hospital admission, that they would not be back. It was the most wonderful feeling, the feeling of clarity and certanity. He felt almost high. 

* * *

Donna reluctantly dropped Mikey off at his house, parking the car and waiting for the two boys to unload his stuff. Gerard followed him up the wooden stairs, carrying his bags of belongings. He was surprised at just how much shit Mikey had accumulated in the span of two weeks, when all he wore was pretty much a hospital gown or sweatpants. Mikey unlocked his front door and stepped inside. The air was stale and he rushed to crack open the front windows, the cool fresh air taking over the small space almost instantly. 

"You can just set the bags on the couch, Gee." Mikey pointed, as he walked his way into to the galley kitchen. He opened the door to the refrigerator and then instantly shut it. His nose wrinkled in disgust. 

"I don't know what's in there," He plugged his nose and began searching under the sink for something. "but it's alive." 

Gerard laughed, setting the bags down on the couch and making his way to the refridgerator. 

"Oh come on. You're just used to that sterile hospital smell. Can't be that bad." He smirked. He opened the door and stood in horror as the yellow light from inside cast a shadow on... _something_. Gerard couldn't tell what the hell it was. Whatever it was, it had grown arms and legs.

He shut the door and shook his head. "You're disgusting, Mikey Way."

Mikey looked at him, a pair of yellow cleaning gloves covered his hands as he held a pair of tongs and a black garage bag. "Hey man, when I left, that thing was not like that. Don't put that shit on me."

Gerard watched from the safety of the living room as Mikey braced himself and reopened the door to the fridge. He grabbed the oval hairy object and tossed it into the black bag so quickly, that Gerard was sure he had missed it. He hadn't. Thankfully. 

Mikey tied the bag up and sat it next to his front door. He reached for the bottle of febreeze sitting on his counter and gave a nice long pull of the trigger, sending a spray of scented mist throughout the kitchen. 

"I'm gonna jump in the shower. My date will be here in about an hour, so." He eyed Gerard and made a mocking "scoot" movement with his hands. 

Gerard laughed and held his hands up. "Alright alright, but if anything happens, call me. Call mom. You promise?" 

Mikey drew a large X over his heart and said "I promise."   
  
Gerard headed towards the door. 

"Oh, hey, Gee?" MIkey leaned against the wall in his hallway, his hand running through his shaggy hair. 

"What's up, Mikey?" Gerard turned to look at him. 

"Can you take that thing out to the dumpster?" Mikey pressed his lower lip out, his best attempt at looking pitiful. 

Gerard rolled his eyes and grabbed the bag, being careful to only let the plastic touch his two fingers. 

"I love you, Gerard." Mikey sang out at him.

"I love you too, Mikey Way. Tell Kristin I said hi." Gerard closed the door behind him and headed back down the stairs, the black trashbag outstretched in front of him. 

* * *

Gerard plopped himself down on his bed, his stomach and head spinning a mile a minute. It was approaching 9pm and he knew Frank went on at 10. He wanted to wait until the last possible minute to walk inside the bar. He was afraid that if Frank saw him before he went on stage, he'd have the big bouncer up front throw him out. If Frank was going to reject him, then Gerard atleast wanted to be able to see the show. 

When he couldn't take standing still anymore, he raised himself up off the bed and walked into his bathroom. He flattened his hair, although it was still fixed from the last time. He straightened his shirt, then felt like it was too stiff, so he touseled it up again. He looked at his face in the mirror, making sure not even an eyebrow hair was out of place. He leaned over the sink, letting out slow exhales. He let visions of how he hoped the night would play out dance around in his head, until the excitement of those possibilities made him feel even more sick. 

He turned the faucet on and stuck his mouth underneath, letting the cold sink water flow down his throat. It wasn't the best tasting but he had definitely had worse. He checked his phone again, 9:15pm. Time to go. He had already asked to borrow the car for the evening, his mom too tired and relieved about Mikey to question Gerard's intentions. She had thrown him the keys and headed up to her room, the sound of her bathtub running shortly after. 

Gerard slipped his leather jacket on and reached into his pocket, the cold metal he was hoping to find, met against his fingertips. He let out another exhale and headed upstairs. "Here goes nothing."

By the time Gerard finally made it to 1984, the street was packed. He instantly regretted taking his time. He found a parking spot further down the road and groaned as the clock read 10:01. He was late. He had missed the beginning. He jumped out of the car and ran towards the entrance of the bar, his ripped jeans hugging tightly against his thighs. He opened the door and welcomed the smell of the bar, allowing it to flood his memories. He felt his stomach begin to twist again. He walked down the dark hallway, stopping once he got to the bouncer.

_Shit, what was his name?_

"Hey, you're Frank's friend, right?" He gave him a warm smile, the apples of his cheeks perfectly rounded.

"Yeah, man. Gerard." Gerard placed his ID back into his wallet when the bouncer waved it away. "Shit man, I'm sorry. I'm terrible with names. What's your name again?"

The man looked at him and shrugged his confession off. "No worries. The names Worm. It's packed in there, good luck getting a good spot!" 

Gerard nodded, feeling like an ass for not remembering the name of someone so nice. He hoped the rest of the evening went better for him. He braced himself before stepping into the main area of the bar. He looked around, it was definitely crowded. Thankfully. Gerard had been counting on numerous other bodies to help hide his own from stage view. He glanced over at the stage and felt his heart sink. It was empty. There were a few instruments lined up, but there was no band. 

_Had Frank cancelled?_

Gerard walked over to the bar, looking for Bert's head amongst the tops of all the others. 

He pushed his way through all the others, making his way to a corner of the bartop. He finally saw Bert, popping open two bottles of beer and sliding them to two people that Gerard felt looked familiar. Frank's bandmates. _Okay, that was good sign at least_. 

Gerard put his arm up, immediately feeling silly. This was a bar, not a classroom. He yelled out Bert's name, causing the other man to look around, a smile spreading across his face when his eyes settled on Gerard.

"Glad you made it out." Bert came over and sat a glass on the countertop. "What'll it be tonight? Holy Water?" 

Gerard wrinkled his nose, the memories of his last hangover churning his stomach. 

"No thanks, just water tonight." He mumbled. He wanted to be sober for this. Whatever happened, he wanted to remember it all. 

"Good choice." Bert winked at him and fetched a bottle of water out of the fridge and tossed it to Gerard. 

"So what's going on? Why aren't they playing yet?" Gerard unscrewed the cap and took a small sip of the water, the coldness hurting his teeth slighty.

"Singer is running late." Bert shrugged. "You know how those guys can be, full of dramatics." 

Gerard rolled his eyes as he caught Bert's wink. He thanked him for the water and headed to a dark corner in the far side of the room. Away from the entrance and bar, two focal points Gerard was sure Frank's eyes would look at. He waited amongst the group of strangers, his foot anxiously tapping beneath him. He pulled out his phone, it was 10:12. Gerard wondered what had kept Frank from being on time to his own show. Frank was so passionate about his music, just seemed unfitting to Gerard that he would be late. The people around him talked amongst themselves. Some of them eyed Gerard, some smiled. No one said anything to him. Just when Gerard thought someone was going to say something, they never did. He felt his anxiety begin to grow and he craved a cigarette. Maybe by the time he got back inside, Frank would finally be performing. He moved his way across the room, clutching his bottled water tightly to his chest. He was almost directly under the lit up sign leading to the patio when he heard the people behind him erupt in applause. He turned around and watched as Frank, still dressed in his scubs, led Jamia by the hand into the bar. His hair was disheveled and he looked like had just woken up. A huge grin played across his face as he was met with high fives and shoulder pats. His bandmates moved to the stage and he jumped up to join them, dropping Jamia's hand in the process. 

He walked towards the mic and let his eyes adjust to the shining lights above him.

"Hey, uh. Sorry. I got really fucking drunk this morning and slept through my alarm." He smiled down as he put his guitar over his shoulder. The crowd cheered. 

"We're just gonna dive right in, we are Frank Iero and the Future Violents!" 

The drums kicked in and then the guitar and bass followed. Frank began moving around the stage chaotically, his hair falling infront of his eyes. Gerard watched on as the man covered in tattoos belted out his lyrics. The sweat causing his scrubs to cling even tighter to him. There was something different about this performance than the last. It was still good, the crowd was still fully engaged but something stuck out to Gerard. It was Frank. His voice came out sounding like it was in pieces, the darker lyrics stinging even more. Gerard felt his heart wretching. The lights above switched to a dark violet, Frank stepping slowly towards the mic. He licked his lips as he began strumming a deep chord of the guitar drapped around him. Gerard hesitated before taking a small step forward. 

_"I've been here before"_ Frank's voice filled the bar, throwing a blanket of melancholy over the ones watching him. 

_"So proud yet insecure."_ Gerard saw as Frank took a small breath, his eyes tightly closed. _"And it's sad to realize, that we used to get high but now we just get down."_

Suddenly the other instruments jumped in and the shift in aggression almost knocked Gerard off his feet. He hadn't heard this song last time. He wondered if it was new. Gerard was so transfixed by Frank on the stage, the way he felt like he was ripping his chest open, completely raw to those reaching out to him below, that he hadn't noticed the brunette come bouncing over to him. 

"Gerard, right?" The voice in Gerard's ear shocked him, causing him to crush the plastic bottle still in his hand. 

His eyes met Jamia's. _Shit_.

"Y-yeah. Hey." He smiled wearily. 

"Glad you came! Frank will be too." She smiled at him, showing a line of perfectly straight whitened teeth. 

Gerard looked at her, confussion on his face. 

He highly doubted that. 

Jamia's smile grew, reading his expression. "Trust me. He pretends to be a hardass but that man is afraid of literally just about everything. Including never speaking to you again." She grabbed Gerard's hand and gave a soft squeeze. "Enjoy the show." As quickly as she had appeared, she disappeared back into the crowd even faster. 

Gerard's eyes floated back to the stage. Frank's voice grew louder, his mouth brushing against the mic, the sweat dripping off his hair. 

_"If you wanted to fght for something, start with us."_

The last few words came out muffled, an exhausted Frank leaning forward against the microphone, his hands wrapped tightly around it. 

Gerard wanted to rush the stage when the lights fell, the last notes lingering throughout the softened bar. Instead, he felt his body automatically moving backwards, stopping only when he hit the wall. The lights came on and Frank stood arm in arm with his bandmates, smiling and applauding back at the crowd. Gerard would probably never get tired of the man on stage, ripping himself open for the world to see. He envied him, in that sense. His ability to expose himself so openly to strangers and then his ability to pull himself back as if the past hour hadn't happened and he was just the normal man standing on a stage, dressed in scrubs. 

Frank leaped off the stage, disappearing in the mangled mess of bar patrons. Gerard scanned the crowd, almost frantically, coming up empty. It didn't help that Frank was shorter than half of the people out on the floor. Gerard sighed and pulled the pack of cigarettes out of his jacket pocket, his fingers brushing against the cold metal again, snapping him back to the reality of why he was there. He walked towards the patio, opening the door and facing the cold wind. It would probably take him years to get readjusted to the bitterness of it. 

He leaned against a wooden post and lit up, his ears focusing on the noises coming from inside the bar. He made it through one cigarette before people started piling out, drunk laughter and loud voices filled the space immediately. Gerard pulled out another cigarette. He didn't like chain smoking but right now, he felt like it was the only thing he could do. He sparked his lighter, enjoying the way it softly heated his fingers underneath the flame. He inhaled deeply, the mix of the nicotine and cold air making his lungs scream. 

The patio door opened and Gerard noticed Jamia first, followed by a laughing Frank. Jamie met Gerard's eyes and smiled softly. Frank turned to see who she was smiling at and Gerard felt his heart drop as the laughter on Frank's face died, his lips falling to a cold line. He turned back towards Jamia, his hand running through his hair. Gerard watched as Jamia spoke to him through clenched teeth, jabbing a finger into Frank's ribs. 

Frank turned to look at Gerard again, his eyes scanning over him. He sighed and turned to start walking towards him. Gerard's body tensed as he immediately straightened his posture and flicked the growing ash off of his cigarette. 

"Why'd you come?" Frank shoved his hands deep into his pockets, his face hardened.

Gerard took a deep breath. 

"I had to see you play." His voice came out stronger than he thought it had. He was thankful for that. 

"Well, thanks for coming. Your support means a lot to the band." Frank shot him a halfassed smile and nodded, ready to end the conversation. 

"Frank." Gerard threw his cigarette down, putting the glowing red end out underneath the toes of his shoe. "I'd really like a chance to apologize."

Frank glared at him, hesistant. "There's nothing to apologize for, Gerard. You told me how it was, how it needed to be. I tried to do it your way, I couldn't. I was weak, and that's on me." 

Gerard scrunched his face at him. "No, you were honest." 

Frank looked down at his feet, mindlessly shuffling a broken piece of a beer bottle in front of him. 

"I was weak, Frank." Gerard felt his voice fall to a whisper. "Not you."

Frank looked up at him, his sweaty hair strands starting to dry in the cold wind. 

"I would really like to show you something, it's a short drive from here." His breathing slowed as he waited for the man in front of him to respond. 

"I can't," Frank's voice broke. "I have to drive Jamia home." 

Gerard felt his chest sink. "Oh, okay. Maybe sometime soon then?" 

Frank nodded his head, his teeth catching on his bottom lip. 

He stood staring at Gerard for a second longer before heading back to his friends. 

Gerard pulled his jacket closer, suddenly realizing that he had been gripping the key in his pocket, the ridges digging into his flesh. He let go and headed back towards the patio door and walked through the bar still jam packed with people. He walked past the bar, catching Bert's eyes. Gerard offered him a single shrug and continued walking. He walked back into the darkened hallway towards the exit, making sure to say goodbye to Worm by name. He stepped out onto the sidewalk in front of the bar and gazed back at the door. The wind was picking up and he just wanted to be in the safety of his car, driving away from this place. He walked down the street, the lightposts casting an orange haze over everything below. He slipped into his mother's beat up Buick and turned the key. He felt the first sting of rejection start to flirt with his eyes. Gerard did not cry. He hated crying. He cleared his throat and pulled out of his parallel parking spot, driving back towards the bar. He gripped the steering wheel and kept his eyes focused in front of him. Just as he was about to pass the door, it swung open and a frantic Frank rushed out, his eyes scrambling down the street to his left. He turned his head and saw Gerard pulling up. He held his hand up and Gerard almost pushed his foot through the floorboard with how hard he stepped on the brake. 

Frank stared at him before heading over and tapping on Gerard's window with his tatted knuckle. 

Gerard rolled the window down, his voice caught in his throat.

"Frank?" 

"Yeah, okay, Gerard. You can show me." 

Gerard felt his lips pull upwards, the stinging in his eyes growing more intense. Frank smiled back at him and gave the car a soft tap before heading over to the passanger side door. Gerard fumbled to unlock it before Frank reached the handle. He pulled the door open and slid in besides Gerard, his eyes facing forward but the corner of his lips twitching upwards, fighting back a smile. 

"Am I going to regret this?" He spoke out.

Gerard looked at him. He was so beautiful. "Not a chance." 

**Author's Note:**

> I’ll update tags as I go :)


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